Hi, Hiveans!
I'm happy to write a new story for this lovely community, #TheInkWell, run by @jayna, @agmoore, and @gracielaacevedo. This time the prompt is "Action, Dialog and Narrative"; you can check on the details here.
The prompt for this week was Action, Dialog and Narrative.
Although my story is not funny, I found it helpful to remember how Dave Barry wrote his famous "Tips for Women: How to Have a Relationship with a Guy." It's an essay in which he uses the story of Roger and Elaine to illustrate his point. As the story unfolds, Roger understands less and less of what Elaine is saying. I'm not particularly fond of Barry's work, but I really love this one; it's hilarious.
She Lost It
The blue Beetle stopped suddenly. Ethan closed his eyes and opened his ears.
“Shhh…!” He unnecessarily shushed Christine, who wasn’t breathing a word.
At that point, he didn’t seem worried about another car or a truck hitting them for good. He stepped on the clutch and braked, shifted into neutral, and clung to the steering wheel, mute and blind, trying to quiet his palpitations and his growing anger so he could listen.
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He felt the warmth of the sun on his arms and heard the breeze sang its habitual song of ease; all felt wrong, though. It was sunny and so lovely a day, it couldn’t be the one he lost his life companion.
He gave up again after another ten minutes and decided to continue driving as slowly and quietly as he had been doing it for the last two hours. The road was deserted because of the curfew, perhaps luckily for Butcher, although Ethan couldn't help but consider that the sounds of traffic might had helped Butcher get a clue to his own whereabouts. One more minute of driving and again he stopped.
“What do you mean you lost it, Christine?” He insisted. “Did you lose Butcher?”
His question was left unanswered, but the look she gave her told him something, perhaps worse than her just losing the cat was going on, or wasn’t it? Ethan had never been good to figure her out; could he do it now?
They had been up and down the road all morning, calling for Butcher, Ethan’s Siamese, but they hadn't heard the slightest meow. Now Ethan was having a hard time trying to solve the mystery, as Christine remained silent. Here’s what happened.
Ethan and Christine had an argument yesterday. It was Friday, pizza night, and she was complaining that he had not wanted to propose to her after six years of relationship. She spoke her truths, which she listed chaotically. She said she felt stuck, unloved, sick of pizza and hot dogs, tired of not attending family gatherings together and not having been properly introduced to her mother yet; she added that she had long been offended that he had only given her a drawer and a slot for her toothbrush, while the cat had a room and a couch to himself; but mostly, she was angry that he was fine with her being furious about it. She could not bear the fact that he would just go to sleep on it and wait until she could “keep it together.” She wouldn’t allow Ethan to say a word; when she was done speaking, she took her glass and the bottle of wine and went sit away. It was too late and dark; she’d leave in the morning.
Christine left the cabin on Saturday morning, at five, before Ethan was awake. She took Butcher, the cat, and went walking into the forest. Four hours later, she was back in the cabin, pale, her eyes red, and no Butcher. It didn’t matter how many times Ethan asked her what had happened, she just said, “I lost it,” as soon as she stepped inside the house; then she kept her mouth shot, and put on a poker face. Ethan had not even brushed his teeth yet. He put on a shirt, took her crazy girlfriend by the arm and pulled her out of the house. He stared calling for the cat, but soon he noticed the hems of her jeans were dirty with red clay; then he knew exactly how far she had gone and also what path she had taken, so he practically pushed her into the car and drove. They were going to find Butcher.
After six hours, Ethan was ready to give up. He broke and started crying and screaming. He seemed crazy. Then Christine spoke.
“What if I told you I accidentally killed your stupid cat?” She asked Ethan while giving him a mad and serious stare.
“What?” Said Ethan, his eyes lost in wonder.
“How do you like my being this serene while you completely lose it, honey? And how about my calling Butcher a stupid cat after I've made you believe I loved him?” She asked him softly as she took a key out of his pocket.
Ethan had finally understood how crazy she was. He wondered how they could have been together for so long without him noticing she was a lunatic.
"Butcher is in that shed over there, napping," she told her as she pointed toward some friends' property a mile away and pulled a key out of his pocket. "Take the key and go get him."
It took Ethan a second to react, maybe two. Christine got out of the car and said, "Now you know what it feels like," and she left. It’d take him a couple of years and a couple of relationships to understand that last part.
Thanks for reading.
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Nicely done, @marlyncabrera. You've captured the complexity of relationships, and how difficult communications and understanding can be between two people.
This is a pivotal detail, and it sheds light on the depth of the inequities that doom the relationship. Great job with the story prompt and including the important story elements of action, dialog and narrative!
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Thanks, @theinkwell. When we use the three elements stories turn more real.It is not easy, however, to decide what to put in the dialogues so they help the story flow naturally.
Ouch. To be less important than a family pet is a fear many of us live with daily! So I'm sure this story will resonate with a lot of people.
This beautifully captures the way in which problems between two people can build over time. After six years of having the problems build, and then realizing at last that she will never be as important as the cat, she just can't take it anymore.
She certainly needs to move on. I'm just glad the cat is really okay!
Thanks,@jayna!
I think Ethan was not so much into Christine after all, but she waited for too long. Butcher was alright. I couldn't hurt Butcher.
I'm glad those lines called your attention; I tried to use that list as a summary of Christine's motivations to dump Ethan, so the reader could understand her and feel some empathy.
Thanks again :)
Your story is very interesting @marlyncabrera
It is part of real and daily life.
What a strong relationship.
Very well carried through to the end, which was suspenseful.
Easily transferable to couple relationships, when one partner has an animal and loves it very much and the other hates animals and routine.
Very good message for couples: pay attention to the choice you make. The daily coexistence always has edges to be solved. If they are not solved, the couple's relationship wears out until it is totally lost.
Hi, @katleya. I agree. Communication is vital to keep your relationship healthy. I think Christine was a bit crazy in the end; she had to put up with his lack of commitment for too long.
Thanks a lot for your reading :)
Hahahaha the story shouldn't make me laugh, but it just reminded me of an event with an ex-girlfriend. Something similar but with books. Books or me, something like that.
Only the story is her or the cat. I liked how it starts out opening up a lot of possibilities for the story, then gives you little details to give you an idea of what's going on. And at the end you're left in suspense, thinking she killed the cat. Only to be surprised that it was a life lesson.
Very good indeed.
Hi, @ricardo993!
I guess it's kind of funny what happened, since at least there were no dead to mourn and, apparently, Ethan got what he deserved (or almost did).
I really appreciate your reading. Thank you very much :)
Um, well, I've actually been in a situation where my cat was the love of my life, instead of the person I was in a relationship with, so I can relate to Ethan.
My favorite part of the story is the suspense you build while we wonder if Christine actually killed or deliberately lost Butcher. I also like the play on words when she says "I lost it". Does she mean she lost the cat, or that she lost 'it', her temper or her sanity?
One possible change that would make her character stronger, perhaps, is the simple deletion of the word 'accidentally' in "What if I told you I accidentally killed your cat?" If she just says "What if I told you I killed your cat" then she is really mad (or really crazy). In my experience, a mad girlfriend wouldn't hedge.
Thanks for your reading, @cliffagreen :)
I like what you suggest, remove that "accidentally." It would definitely make her seem more evil, at least while we suspect she may have actually killed Butcher.
Sure she was mad, and I think Christine really lost her temper, too, even if she didn't kill the cat.
The emotion in this is palpable. Relationships are so complicated, romantic and otherwise. You really captured what it is like to be caught up in your own feelings and emotions here. Sometimes it does take something absolutely extreme to get your point across to some people. Geat work!
Thank you very much, @riottales :)
I think it's easy to get stuck in an asymmetrical relationship. Maybe there is a natural impulse that moves you to fix things, to hope that people will realize their mistakes and change. It might be really hard and take you years to realize it is you yourself who must change and move forward.
Again, thanks for your reading!
Hit'em with a plot twist! This was interesting to read.
Thank you, @young-boss-karin :) I'm glad you liked it.
What a way to teach someone a lesson ... what a way to mirror someone's behavior in a relationship ... a twisted but effective mirror, for Ethan learns LATER ... but gee whiz! Well done -- the action REALLY carried!
That girl knew, after all this time, that she had to act and she did.
Very good story, @marlyncabrera
Thanks for your comment, @ladygospel. Well, they don't live together but have been in a relationship for six years already, and, certainly, they don't understand each other after so long. She says she lost it, and one can't tell if she means she went crazy and did something bad to the poor cat, or she just lost the cat in the woods. At the end, the cat was fine :)
Thanks again.