There's not much to read here. I just want to write something to ease the pain I'm feeling now. I think writing helps. Well, I hope it does.
I've been silent the past few days. My mind's elsewhere and probably scattered all over the place. I probably look happy and contented to other people but deep inside I'm hurting. I don't usually show my feelings to other people, even to my partner. It's not that I don't trust him or whatever, sometimes it's just hard to voice out my feelings and what hurt me.
I'm in a bad situation but I only realized it's this bad last week. Worse even. Still, life goes on. People have bad and good days, right? I hate to admit but mine's been bad for a while.
I'm trying to stay alive.. and still be happy with the things I'm blessed with.
Suicidal thoughts come once in a while, but I am fighting them. I hate to tell but I'm also weak and these have crossed my mind. Don't worry, I am not the type to do that. I think that's not the best solution to any problem. And that's not the best way to win this game. Aha, game of life.
One night, I just decided to battle these problems and come up with solutions. I brainstormed and made notes on what to do and how to solve this big problem. I want to put them into action, but in this state, it's taking forever to move and do something.
I guess this is what they call depression..
Or am I really depressed?
Because I am hurting, I realized my body starts to follow too. I caught myself sometimes just staring blankly at nothing. I had new storages and was thrilled to make use of them but I couldn't organize the stuff at home. Where's the urge to do something? The house is a mess but not too much. I still do my daily chores but oftentimes, I neglect some of them. I want to learn something but the excitement and enthusiasm are nowhere to be found. If you could get money for every sigh, I guess I'm a bit wealthy by now.
I'm probably in something in between..
This journey is long and dark. I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I probably need to go out and walk and breathe fresh air. Maybe that will help ease the pain in my heart.
I guess this is a complaint and a letter to myself. I hope in the future when I read this post, my situation will be better.. Even yet, I hope it will be better soonest. Hopefully, next month everything's different. I guess I'm still hopeful for things to be better right away even when I know it's just wishful thinking.
A great deal of what you're saying sounds very familiar to me...I don't have all the answers, but I find breaking tasks down into smaller/simpler goals seems to help a little. Taking things one step at a time helps from getting overwhelmed and quitting or never starting or bouncing between things unable to decide what project to try and tackle.
I still find it difficult to take pleasure in completing those smaller goals (until the whole task is complete)...and even then, I have to consciously make myself pay attention to feeling good about having accomplished something; but still, inch by inch, row by row...that's how to make a garden grow.
!PIMP
!PIZZA
Hmmm you’re right.. When I didn’t wrote down my plans/tasks, I was too overwhelmed by the emotion that I didn’t know where to start. I’ll try to refine the things I wrote them, and make them into goals. One step at a time. Thank you for the advice.
I know so many people, myself included, that have gone through this in the past. Several times, actually, I think it's just part of the human condition. The important thing to remember is that YOU ARE LOVED by so many of us!
Thank you Kittygirl! I was actually surprised many people in Hive have reached out and offered to lend a listening ear. I didn’t know I’m so lucky to have you all~
Some of us who did not actually offer an ear should have done so 😕
I would gladly give you an ear, or any other body part you need 😁
My dear Witty! I've been quite absent from Hive lately and to be honest, kinda have no clue what's happening on our platform but I'm planning to come back and be a regular again,so this morning I checked my feed and as you're one of the most genuine users I love, I read a few of your posts and came across this one.
I don't know if you're shared more about the things that are hurting you or not, it's ok, I know it's so damn hard, I can't do that either by the way 🤪
I'm here to offer you my support. Sometimes it's easier to talm to a total stranger. I'm going through a shitty period too and need all my strengths and will to get through it, so you're not alone.
I saw you've picked up walking, which can help a lot!
My lovely, don't give up! After rain always comes sun 🌞 don't forget that! I'm here if you need me 😘💚
I noticed your absence @erikah and also thought maybe you’re also having a difficult time. I haven’t shared my problems, it’s really difficult to open up but some people I’ve met here on Hive including you have offered their support which moved me and made me feel better. The thought that someone’s out there cheering for me is already a big deal to me.
I’ve always been in and out lately. Perhaps this started because of my problem and then I haven’t been able to get back on my feet yet on Hive. But I’ll also try to be as active as I was before. And hopefully you too.
Thank you for checking in on me! I feel so loved by you! 😌
Aww witty 😢 we do have those bad day and good days .. i do that too, writing how to solve my problem .. it really helps , i even write my problems if i can't share it with any of my friends, it lightens the heavy feeling inside .. taking a long walk would be a good idea too witty .. go go go.. im doing that everymorning and its refreshing, whatever you think that can make you feel better do it.. I hope you have a friend you can talk to your problems.. you can talk to me, i may not give a good advice but im always here to listen.. just like the same old time where we do it on DC with adam and demo ❤️ as they say witty there's always rainbow after the rain.. so you'll get that light by the end of the tunnel hopefully soon.. Please take care witty okay? I miss you!!
thank you jude.. you’re a good friend. i know you’re always ready to listen. i guess it’s just hard to say out loud what my problems are. i tend to keep it with myself and not other people be bothered by what i’m facing. it’s hard to write the usual blogs i am writing because of my mood. i admire you actually for voicing out and writing whatever you’re feeling. i hope i’ll be able to do that often. i don’t really want to spread bad vibes in my page, so i tend to keep my feelings inside. i’ll try the walk, not probably morning as i’m about to sleep in the morning. lately my sleeping time is messed up again. thank you jude.. you’re far from me physically but i feel you’re just a kuhit away.
Hahaha i use an alternate account for voicing it out not so much on the main acc 🤣 i don't wanna spread bad vibes there too where most friends reside hahaha maybe you can do it on another account without anyone following.. secret account ~ chariz, go go do the walking sa time na pwede you ~
Yeszzuu one kuhit away id drop what ill do just for ya witty ❤️
You sleep well witty this morning ❤️
nag mumultuhan na pala.
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👏 Keep Up the good work on Hive ♦️ 👏
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Oh, dear, I’m sorry to know you’re dealing with this. I can feel you because I have been in your shoes. I have long experience with depression and anxiety. Sometimes to live hurts.
Yes, this helps a lot. Be patient with yourself too.
You can mention me or send me a DM on Discord, I am opening to you if you need someone. Big big hug, dear. ❤️
Thank you @palomap3. I appreciate you lending me your ears and your time.
I guess I needed to hear this. I just realized I am not being patient with myself. I guess I'm used to always being hard on myself and now in these bad days, I'm still doing the same thing so probably it added to the hurt..
I will try..
Give yourself time, try to pamper yourself and do things that you like even if now you enjoy them less. You are stronger than you might think, but if you need help, asking for it doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, I know that when you have reached this point it is because you have resisted a long time before breaking down. Your body and mind are warning you to take care of them. ❤️😘
I don’t know why but your words really resonated with me @palomap3. I couldn’t help but cry but it’s a different reason from the crying I did the past days. Somehow I can feel that many people are pushing me and helping me out of this cave, even if it’s just little steps.. It’s actually hard for me to open up, but if I do, then I’ll know where to go..
Give yourself permission to cry if you need to. Help unload and then you feel relieved. Writing has also helped me to get bad thoughts out of my mind. You can delete them or throw them in the trash later.
I'm glad to know that you feel that we’re pushing you, it's real, you're a great person who has been there for others. Now we are the others who are for you. It's the magic of the hive.
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I can't pretend to understand or know what you are going through. Just know that you are special and people love you. Personally, I suffer from MDD, at least that is what the experts say. However, I am getting through it and so will you. Just lean on your friends and family. Don't make the same mistake I did and isolate yourself from everyone. GEt out and around others and stay active. It really does help. The folks of The Terminal and The Alliance are here for you anytime. Just drop a DM and I will be a listening ear.
Thank you so much.. I appreciate the kind gesture. I also think being isolated will make me overthink a bit more. Being active.. hmmm, I think that would help. I think I read somewhere that exercising gives off positive vibes. I want to do that of course but it’s all in my head. I guess I’m already a step closer to making it a reality? Either way I appreciate you commenting out. Lots of people from different countries like you commented and I’m deeply moved. It’s really nice to be here on Hive.
...𝔻𝕀𝕊ℂ𝕆𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐 𝟛𝟝...
...!discovery 35...
thank you for the hug.. i think i needed that
Pray 🙏. Kung gusto mo kausap dm mo lang ako madam.
Thank you dantrin..
The situation WILL be better. That's how life works. I'm sorry you're going through it now as the darkness is ROUGH. It's cool you wrote out a plan - sometimes they take a while, but one step at a time is a good approach.
Oh yes. This is the best thing you can do - a change of perspective.
YOu're not weak AT ALL. You're just going through some stuff - honestly, we all do, even though everyone around you seems okay.
Wishful thinking is what we all do. Keep wishing - because reality starts with that. If you ever need to chat, we are here.
I read your comment 2x, in the morning and now in the evening and at both times, I couldn’t help but be teary eyed.
Life is challenging.. I thought I already mastered it but it reminded me again that I’m still far from being an expert. Not just me, right?
I’ll continue with the wishful thinking, and hoping it will be real one day.. I thought I needed to stop doing that, but since you mentioned to keep it, I guess it’s okay to do so..
I hope whatever you're going through will get better @wittyzell. If it's specific to gaijin problems in Japan, send me a DM and let's chat about it. I've been here 20+ years, I have seen a lot of stuff around this fight. But anyway, whatever it is, good luck!
Thank you @dbooster.. It’s not gaijin specific so all good. Though if I have those kind of issues, I’ll really DM you.
Any chance some of that could possibly be due to any homesickness, missing the Philippines Witty?
You are a very vibrant young woman, and have a lot of admirers and people who love you, and are willing to lend an ear (without the actual cutting it off to send it to you though 😁) and listen to your rant, and don't forget that we have the family in the Terminal to listen as well, that is what we do! ❤️
Hmmm, not really homesick.. I think it’s just my fault.. like the decisions I made and being too carefree probably.. I am not so sure yet but it’s not the homesickness..
Thank you so much, james.. You made me smile a little with that ear joke.
!LADY
It’s brave of you to acknowledge how you're feeling. I think that alone is a big step forward, even if it feels small. I truly hope things start to get better for you soon.
Thank you for these kind words.. I was a bit hesitant to share what I’m feeling so I didn’t really inform my family and friends about it.. I thought posting at dawn would mean no one would bother to read but I guess not.. Also, when I feel so emotional, I tend to write it down to at least help me calm down..
Writing helps me too. I found reading what I wrote over and over helps me calm down as well.
Sending hugs 🤗
Oh gosh, I hope someone light up some light for you, so that even in pain it'll be less lonely. Fighting Witty Witty (｡ŏ﹏ŏ). I know it's hard, but all we can do now is to cheer for you. Fightuuuuu! It will pass and you will survive. ( ◜‿◝ )♡
Thank you ruffa.. I can’t find the flashlight, maybe someone has it.. I hope it will reach me soon.. And yeah fighting! That’s all I could do after crying and crying..
I hope that'll go away and writing out sometimes help. This will pass and trust in yourself. Just do one step at a time and one day at a time too 😊
Someone also mentioned to take things one step at a time. I actually just started one and it felt good. The way I’m feeling now has improved compared to what I felt yesterday and the day before and the recent days.
Thank you mac, I hope it will pass soonest so I could get back to my normal routine
feeling ko....
you already know what you have to do, your just not happy of the consequences that will happen after you do it.
I'm just gonna say... Always be selfish. unlike what people tell you, always prioritize yourself, pag may extra, tsaka lang sa iba.
I don’t know what to say pero okay.. I think in every decision, either happy or not lang naman sa results and consequences.. Di ko pa lang sure if matatanggap ko ba
hahaha ganun ba. then I pray ung pinakamagandang result for you ang mangyari. I hope we meet you in the flesh in the future again, someday. 😃
I know what you feel. I experienced this in the past when I was in high school.
I was confused about what those feelings were—feeling the numbness inside my chest, the will to live barely gone, losing interest in my hobbies, neglecting personal hygiene, and the loss of sense of purpose in life with lots of negative thoughts.
My motivation to live is that my family will be sad when I'm gone, and I remembered what my aunt told me when I was little: when we do 'it' purposely, we go to hell. That fear became my motivation and determination to live.
That fear struck me, so I decided to find those solutions to my answer.
I did find it, to be honest.
I find it through God.
When I went to church after God arranged for me where to go through my best friend, He's my only solution.
I feel His great love, and through having His fellowship, He comforted me a lot of times.
There is a Bible verse about heartbrokenness. Heartbrokeness doesn't mean breaking up your lover, but the sadness within. He is near the broken heart and crushed in spirit.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
What you see in this world is temporary, especially the distraction. If you have the heart to seek Him sincerely, you will find your answer. I guaranteed of that.
But first, maybe go to church like I did before? Maybe you will find your answer and be comforted. Just give it a try. You will never know.
I’m not yet at the point where I don’t wanna live although those thoughts crossed my mind. I don’t wanna give in to those kind of thoughts.
Thank you for the verse. I appreciate it.
Oh dear, it's always not a good feeling to be reading these posts. Hope you are feeling better when you read this. Find positive thoughts, be it something nice to eat (ice cream!) or something to do (listen to happy music or go do a workout!). Take care and things will be better.
I will.. Maybe I needed an ice cream.. Or maybe I’m just tired.. I’ll find those positive thoughts.. Maybe they’re just hiding somewhere..
💪
There’s certainly a lot of things we are challenged with in the world we live in. I think the important thing is to take things one step at a time.
For depression and anxiety - there’s a lot of science that says physical activity like exercising and being outdoors for walks in nature with plenty of trees around us do far more than medication ever could. Hopefully something there can help but it does require effort on our part. Medication will always be easy but we will never get off the train that is mental health issues if we try to do it through medication. Food for thought!
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