I’m not one of those cam girls that twerk with a cucumber in my vag while the cash register sound effects chime KA CHING KA CHING. Actually, I’m not much of a cam girl. I’ve done it many times, but I don’t identify with it, and usually, it leaves me feeling gross.
The thing is, I’m very sex positive. I think as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you should be able to do what you want. Sleep around, wait til marriage, polyamory, hook up with your ex, do it only for pleasure, make money from it, whatever. Still, after almost every cam session, I end up with a disgusting feeling that haunts me for days and produces real vomit in my throat.
I’m a writer. I left the US some years ago working as a freelance writer and writing tutor for a US company (and have time to focus on what I really love, poetry, art, reading, learning Spanish, climbing mountains, lying on empty beaches, you name it). I have been living this way since 2013, and it’s been awesome. My culture is nomadic, my spirit loves meeting new people and experiencing new things, and the vapid consumerism in the US is suffocating to me. The tutoring job pays just ok, and only offers part time work, so I always have to supplement it with other things. Typically, that has meant writing and editing jobs. I have moved around a lot, living in places where making US currency, even with part-time work, is sufficient. It’s sufficient if you don’t have a bunch of debt to pay, anyway. I used to be debt-free, but some major medical expenses for my dog left me scrambling. I love my dog, Luna, so much. I would pay anything for her. She is my soulmate.
Last summer is when I began camming. It seemed kind of fun at first, or at the very least, interesting. And it’s all digital, so there’s no worrying about some psycho trapping you in a basement forever and feeding you crackers with cum-spread for lunch everyday. I was on one camming website, then another. In case you don’t really know how it works, a cam girl sits in front of her camera waiting for people to come in her room. Even when they come in, what she has to do is entice them to go private with her—anything in the public room is generally free (although public rooms have tipping options, but most of the people in the room are not tipping, they are just watching). In the private room, someone is paying you, and you should do what they say, because they pay you by the minute. The longer they are in there, the more money you make.
Anyway, the first week was, I don’t know if I’d call it fun, but it was interesting for sure. I learned about this world I had been fairly clueless about. It was all masturbating and spanking my own ass and dildo this and that, you can imagine. The guys were a mix of types ranging from sick perverts to sad-and-lonely-with-regular-perversions. I’m not one to judge. I only use the word sick because there did seem to be a sickness involved with some of them. Nothing was enough. After awhile, you get some regulars, and they’re nice, because they can be reliable for money, but they really start pushing for more and more. Not just a few of them. Almost all were doing this. Put this weird thing in your vag. I don’t care if the banana is soft, try it. Then put it in your mouth til you choke, and on and on. Dealing with these people where nothing is ever enough, it really left me feeling dark and empty. It’s not enough that you’re slapping yourself and choking yourself on a dildo you just shoved all the way inside of you.
No, now he wants me to bang it so hard that I start to bleed. One guy told me if I bled, he would give me $100 dollars just for that. And who knows if he would have. I didn’t do it, and he left, and I never “saw” him again.
The dark and empty feelings were coming from this pervasive culture of never-enough in the world of sex. With the internet oversaturated with free porn and camming and whatever you want at your fingertips, being turned on by less than all that is more and more difficult. I am 32, and in that regard, I am so grateful that I am not part of the younger generation. I can’t imagine being with a guy who just expects me to do whatever it takes to get him turned on and turning him on is not just a switch of the hips or sexy underwear or even pinning him to the kitchen counter and pulling his pants down. Guys expect girls to do truly demoralizing things, and that is becoming the norm. It is the norm. Maybe the young girls are just doing it without thinking twice.
For me, when camming, I couldn’t get myself to go along with a lot of what was being asked without feeling physically ill, especially after awhile. I started to dread signing on, and not just because I could be sitting there for hours waiting for someone to go private. I dreaded what I would have to do for the money. Plus, It was all so fake. I can’t be sure if the guys on the other end (more than half) that were asking me to come to where they were and meet up, asking if we could start emailing outside of the site, that sort of thing, if they really thought they were going to meet me, or if that was just part of their fantasy world, pretending that it was a possibility. The fact that it seemed that they really thought it was a possibility was also deeply saddening to me. What made me feel worse was playing along with it. I’m such a real, open person in my non-cam life that talking about meeting up seemed so absurd to me. I went with it though, for the money :(
My current state of finances, after another round of vet bills (when a vet told me he was sure my dog’s tumor was cancerous and that she had months to live-which turned out to be untrue, a wrenching story you can read about here: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@jessandthesea/i-will-never-be-the-same-because-of-one-horrible-veterinarian-still-the-story-has-a-happy-ending) and not having much freelance work coming through, led me to camming again. This time, the rising vomit feeling when a session is done has gotten worse, and I definitely have spent a chunk of time crying. What is it that makes me feel so awful? It’s the way the guys treat me, and the way I let them treat me because of the money. A male friend told me I am lucky to have the option to cam. Guys don’t generally make as much money, especially if they aren’t gay. I don’t really feel lucky, though logically, I can see his point.
So, I have to say, having found Steemit this week has been a beacon of hope. I constantly apply for various writing and editing gigs, but it could be with the online-work-life trending so hard, that the market is saturated, and not only saturated, full of people willing to do the work for less than its worth (at least for a professional). Maybe Steemit could be a way out of debt and out of camming? Maybe this could be a lovely and warm platform for me to share my writing, my stories, my ideas, my everything. I love sharing, especially when people are listening. It seems too good to be true. I wonder.
Whatever the case, here I am, and here I’ll be. Hopefully I’ll be here more than naked on the screen from now on. I much much much much prefer this. Thanks for listening, if you’re listening.
xoxo,
Jessica
Oh my. I knew that some girls doing caming, but your story was shock for me. It is whole industry now, I did't know it is so wide spread.
It is great that you found STEEM. Price is good right now and we all can enjoy it. But who knows how long it will be the case. It may fall, it may be down for a months, you may not get enough reward, but stick with your writing, in the long term - it will pay of.
Thanks for sharing. I wish you the best and I'll keep an eye out for your posts
holy shit Jessica...that sounds really hard. I think I would fall to pieces. I am practically falling to pieces just reading about it. It's horrible. You sound like a really positive and creative and caring person, and you're definitely a great writer. I bet you'll do awesome here.
God, I just want to cry reading about it all...it's kinda hard for me to cry, but it's getting easier all the time. Luna is so adorable!!! I'm sure she is so happy to be with you =)
Porn is so weird...my girlfriend and I talk about it all the time. We both love to get naked and love people's bodies, and love sex..and there's such a big disconnect growing there for so many people, and the industry around it just feed this strangeness of unreality... I look at porn sometimes, I love reddit GoneWild, it's all free and consensual, just people that want to get naked and share just cause.
Your writing is fantastic =) I'm glad you're here...you're gonna do really well for yourself, I can tell. Thank you for sharing with us Jessica...I love how open you are about whats going on inside your head and heart. I want to hear more ! don't stop
also, I think Steemit is going to be a good community for real sex talk, but it's not quite yet, or I haven't seen many people talking about sex on here yet..but hope to see more
pps I'm resteeming this and dropping some whale tokens on it, it should get you a good start, looking forward to learning more about you and luna
Thank you for your kind words. They really, really mean a lot to me. Also, I agree 100% about porn and nakedness. It can be a beautiful thing, and it sinks me a little to see the world going this way, turning it into something sad.
I know I am a strong person. That's why I went that route of camming. The worst that could happen is I would break a bit, and then build myself back up even stronger. I suppose that is what is happening now.
As far as the sex talk, I have a friend who is all about reddit who told me steemit is still pretty conservative. I think a person can be conservative and still accept and listen to the reality of things around them. I didn't write anything lewd, after all. This is just the truth. And I feel comfortable not censoring myself here, which is amazing. Hopefully that feeling continues.
Thank you again for everything you said, and for reading. xoxo
lol!!! I just read your profile description, I think I must be an ENFP too :P no wonder
ENFP solidarity <3 <3
hey Jess, if you have a moment, tomorrow, go say hi to my friend Lily, she's a badass appalachia forest mama, who just did her first post...and I want her to meet some good folks, and not just all the greeting bots!
THANK YOU JESS!!!!!! I give you INFINITE REMOTE HUGS!!! HUG++
I found her!! She is GREAT <333 bear hugs to you too! Thanks for the tip. I always love some good reading from new digital friends.
thankYOU Jess!! I really appreciate it
Welcome to STEEMIT Jessica! Yeah, you really do have some great stories in your posts, quite captivating, and great start on STEEMIT!
And this is awesome! :)
thank you!! I think I have endless stories. They'll be coming out soon :) I am really loving steemit. telling all my friends to come on down!
also, thank you for the whale tokens! I am not sure what that means, but I think it's good, right?? I'm still super new here...
xoxoxo
you're very welcome...it means that OfficialFuzzy gave you a big 36% upvote :P that was when your post reward went from $20 to 80$, should give you a bit of lift to make it out to the whole platform.
wow, awesome :) I will just have to find OfficialFuzzy and thank them for their kindness!
I really feel for you, it must have been so degrading and demoralising. Nobody should feel the need to go to such lengths to earn money to pay for vet bills.
As sad as your post is it is beautifully written, although can I advise you to add a #NSFW tag? There are some prudes around who might flag your post without it.
Welcome to Steemit, I wish luck but with your writing skills I doubt you will need it.
This post received a 2.1% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @gmuxx! For more information, click here!
#nsfw, good call. I am new here, didn't even think of it. Thank you so much <3 <3
did you notice that you randowhaled your own comment?
Yup, it was quite late and I wasn't in full control of my faculties 🙃
So I sent 5 SBD to @jessandthesea
god i know how that feels
It's the thought that counts eh! 😂
what does that mean (randowhale), and how is it done???
It's a Whale bot you send some money to and it will upvote your post by a random amount
A great post, thanks for being brave enough to share. You seem like a very genuine lady with a great energy, but it looks like many of these guys have been akin to leeches (energy leeches). I'm certainly no prude and have lived a fairly wild life myself but some of these guys are an embarrassment to my sex. Any negativity that you feel is a reflection on them and not yourself, I suppose in a way they are a mirror to a society that has lost it's way and fallen from grace and that's disturbing in itself. Good on you, stay true and you'll do great here .. welcome to Steemit.
Thank you for your support :) The negativity, maybe they don't even view it that way. They might just think it's fine, or normal. I don't know. I know not everyone has the same experience as I have had, nor does it make everyone feel the way it has made me feel. It does feel better to get it out though <3
No problem, happy to support :) .. I suppose the negativity that you feel after camming is related to how these particular guys make you feel and as such is a reflection of their negative and delusional perception of women. If a woman feels happy doing it and with no such negativity that's fine and power to them. I think the difference is that some are cam girls and some are girls that cam .. if that makes sense :)
makes perfect sense. that is a great way to put it!
Wow! Your story was amazing & Luna is so cute! Your a very strong and confident women to reveal basically one of your darkest moments in life. But for you to do all that and to go thru that mental torture on yourself says just how much you really love that dog!! I have 6 furbabies and id do anything to save them but id probably just go into debt lol
You are definitely going to do well on here your a great writer! Your story really got me i couldnt stop reading it! Well welcome to Steemit & im going to follow you so i can read more of your stories💖
Ahhh Luna says thank you, and also from me too. I'm glad the story could bring something positive or good. I love writing, and it is lovely to be able to share things, even if they are not such a perfect vision of goodness, sharing helps inform and make things better, I hope <3
That was probably the most gripping post I've read so far on Steemit. I can really appreciate that you went so far into detail about your story. And I love the touch of humor in your writing. Works well among the serious stuff.
It's sad that there's such a desperation to make money in these times. You get hit with a large bill, and yeah you're screwed. This paycheck-to-paycheck thing is a nightmare. But thank you for talking about this subject. It's something that I don't think has been widely discussed yet, though it should be.
May I ask you two questions about camming (out of curiosity)? These are a couple things I've always wondered.
What prevents guys from screen capping your cam sessions to either watch later (for free) or post online for everyone to see? Did you ever worry about your nudes being posted somewhere else?
If you put your picture out there, there's always a chance someone could run into you in person after seeing you on one of those sites. Were you ever worried that you would encounter or be stalked by some creep?
Hey, thanks for reading/listening <3
To answer your questions, I suppose they could screencap my cam sessions, but I think most of the camming websites have features to prevent that. I decided before I started camming that I wouldn't really care if someone I knew saw my nudes. They can think what they want about me, and always will. I am who I am.
I threat of a stalker--and I've only had one (who to my knowledge was never aware of my camming, he was just a weirdo)--never concerned me any more than plane crashes or terrorist attacks. My name was fake on all the camming sites, so it would have been hard to track me down anyway. If someone saw a picture and then recognized me and then ALSO happened to be violent and dangerous, that would have sucked, but it seems like a long shot for all that to happen, especially with all the cammers out there now.
Thanks for replying. You're braver than I am. I would be too paranoid about those situations, however unlikely they are. But then again, I am the type that is paranoid about terrorist attacks and plane crashes.
Wow, what a story. Unfortunately there are many out there who have it even worse. I have done lots of research on sex trafficking and such and it is a very dark but real part of our world.
I don't actually thing most guys or girls are like what u see in the cam rooms, they are there because as u said they are either super lonely or sick. So those types go to the cam rooms.
There is hope for people having a nice relationship and of making love not just crazy perverted fucking to get off.
Anyways great to see you here, I am sure u will make enough here in a couple months to live on. If u look at the successful people and take some advise u will do well. You have already succeeded in the most difficult part which is writing honestly. People love honest writers. I feel you will find lots of support here and u will then be able to write a super success story about how Steemit changed your life!
I wil give you a follow to watch your progress!
Best Regards~*~
yeah, it's really sad all of the sex trafficking. horrifying =( did you find any organizations or people out there quinneaker that are helping in a realistic way?
Not really, I have seen people try and expose it, I have seen journalists and activists try and expose it or investigate it. The problem is that its all organized and run by the SUPER HIGH UPS. Like presidents, prime ministers, govoners, congressmen etc.
We just need people to start living like @gardenofeden and almost all problems would be non existent.
ufff yeah, the sex trafficking world is just horrifying. I am lucky to have been born into a situation where that would never be part of my world, at least. everything has their journey though, I guess. thanks for listening to my story! xoxo
Yes there is always someone who has it worse than us.....
Yes I think u will do well here and I gave u a follow and up vote so will be watching ur progress!
Welcome to Steemit! You nailed your introductory post! Although what you wrote had some colorful meatphors I don't think you had to use the nsfw tag (just my opinion though).
Here's some links that may help... https://www.steemithelp.net/
https://steemit.com/steemit/@igsamuel/how-to-succeed-on-steemit-quick-guide-for-beginners
Upvoted and Following you
I'm in my 30's too and I do worry about the younger generation and them never being told, "No." Thinking they can get whatever they want in life. I don't think it's everyone though. The people I know are good people, and the guys respect women. So don't give up hope on humanity. I think when you hang out in a dark world, it's hard to see the good sometimes. It's also part of the culture too. Certain aspects of society are pushed to the fringes because it's either illegal (not necessarily immoral), taboo, or just not openly talked about. So the people that are involved in these areas might be heavily weighted toward "abnormal" or "sick".
Welcome to Steemit @jessandthesea :)
Make sure to participate in this weeks giveaway to get known in the community!
Here are some helpful tips to get you started:
Hello Jessica, welcome to Steem! :-)
Steem is an awesome platform to share your writings, stories, ideas, everything, that's for sure.
Earning money on Steem, however, is not as easy as it might look like at first glance. It's really hard, especially if you want to keep it up in a long run, but on Steem you can do what you like and like what you do.
Good luck!
thanks! I am a writer--so I guess we'll see what happens. I just write the truth, and my my soulest of souls.
Welcome. What a poignant and moving piece. Frankly, probably harder for you to expose yourself like this than it is to sit on a banana for strangers on a cam site. You're going to do just fine here.
Some of my crew agrees. the livestock, horses and other critters wouldn't fit on the front porch for the photo ;)
We are going to follow you. Wishing you all the best on steemit!
Love your post I featured it in my live video yesterday on YouTube as seen in the video below and am excited to see what else you have to share!
wowwww thank you sooo much <3 <3
This is not a post this is a masterpiece, you have seen it. Thank you. I live in a small town and it's hard to find a good salary and I was very interested in Steemit. I'm very glad that I'm part of Steemitt. You once again convinced me that we have a great future . I like to communicate with people from all over the world. Stemit is the whole world.
wow
Congratulations @jessandthesea!
Your post was mentioned in my hit parade in the following categories:
wow what a story!
I am glad that you found your way to steemit and wish you a very warm welcome ;)
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by itchykitten from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
wow, that's awesome :))))
@jessandthesea Welcome to Steemit. I'm new here myself too. Sharing your story so openly on the immutable blockchain takes a lot of courage, so bravo to you!
I'm glad you've found this wonderful platform and i'm sure you'll do great here. Voted and resteemed.
Yes. Jessica.
You will find that you will make real people on Steemit.
Welcome.
I say congratulations to you! I hope that you can find whatever it is you're looking for here on Steemit and beyond, whatever country you're living in. I also wish Luna long life and good health!
Ayyy, thank you! Luna thanks you too :)
Welcome aboard @jessandthesea Brace yourself for the best social network you have ever experienced. Steemit is the place to be if you ever use the internet on any device. Check out my blog I hope you'd find something you like and feel free to follow me @simeonburke I will follow you in response.
If you need any help, feel free to ask questions as well.
Have a lovely day!
welcome welcome welcome welcome as a huge fan of top less and dogs , i wish a warm welcome into this steem comunity , i hope you gonna enjoy as i can see you did enjoy it already withis huge post that awesome pcis your dog is so so funny i dress mine too check out my introduce you pet post you will see him its a black pug and he his pretty funny , i have also made a post called introuce your pet , you can join can be nice
wish you a lovely day @jessandthesea up voted followed
@jessandthesea
I understand and feel almost every word you wrote above... To bad I'm not that gifted for writing :( At least we learn in life more than others. And we also learn through ourselves how to respect others more, while others... You know what I mean exactly. Following You forever from now! Please don't stop writing, you are inspiration for my soul.
Amy
Welcome aboard , the community here is great ! Upvoted
Thank you for your upvote! xoxo
you are absolutely going to thrieve here. stories are SO important. as a father of a ten year old girl this is one area i'm petrified for in the coming years of her discovery and awareness of porn in general on the internet, it's literally a few clicks and urls away. we have to do more as a global culture regarding this topic and it's often delitating to know where to start. this post alone is gold. i'm so glad you are here and bringing you're voice to the fore -- don't get me wrong i love sex as much as the next man but every girl is someone's daughter too and we need to bring a level of understanding, decency and 'lines in the sand' about the ramifcations of digital actions both today and for the future.
It's true. This barely touches the surface of what was happening. I'm doing a bit better than I was a few weeks ago with money, and I really hope I don't have to cam anymore. Working as a freelancer with debt is a scary thing though. Who knows.
At least every experience can be a story. I have a Master's Degree in writing, and it's nice to be even a little bit recognized for it monetarily.
Thanks for such a thoughtful reply.
you're welcome. i think opening a dialog through thoughtful approach like you did means the world to a lot of people. keep it up, i'm a relatively new person trying to make this a big part of my daily life from a technology perspective but early signs are good. i can only wish you the same and i hope that you can just remove the cam part from your life and heal and focus with clarity on the skill at writing that you obviously have.
Welcome to Steemit!
thank you! what a great platform this is! Love that pic :) I've had a super warm welcome here <3
Welcome to Steemit. Certainly you have a different story than most, but I'm so excited for you that Steemit really can change your life. Be consistent, be yourself, interact with the community and continually put out engaging content, you will be free of camming shortly.
That.would.be.amazing. Thanks for reading @wakeupsheeps <3
Do what thou wilt
Advice from a vague Shakespeare?
Aleister Crowley
Oh your story is so shocking. Anyways start here I am also new and don't have any money but to send you. But you already started good and keep doing it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle on camsite. That's one hell of a shitty experience.
I can relate to what your friend said, it's hard for guys to do it. Once, I was in your place. Struggling to make ends meet, after my main business venture went to shit. I was alone, living in a tiny shoebox apartment fighting my own depression.
I've thought about camsite, but i knew I can't make any money camming. Then I found out about affiliate program for camsite. That's what I do for about 3-4 months. Spent my waking hours lurking on camsite, taking screenshots of interesting scene for my affiliate tumblr site.
Made some money to pay for rent and foods. Not proud of it, felt like a stalking psycho doing that everyday. :(
But we don't really have a choice at that time, right? We do what we gotta do. Survive.
I hope everything will turn out ok for you. Have a great day, Jess. Followed you, this gonna be a very interesting journey for you on Steemit. 👍🏻
I bet you have an interesting story too, from what it seems like. Do you write about this stuff on here? I look forward to checking our your blog in the coming days! Thanks for listening. <3
Incredible story, I really hope you'll be able to leave this part behind you for good. Welcome on Steemit, @jessandthesea ! With this introduction post, you have undressed yourself much more than anyone else I read before. You obviously know how to write, it won't take long before you have a lot of audience and you'll be successful in no time :)
I hope I can leave it behind too! We'll see I suppose. So far, it looks promising, and I will never stop writing, so it just makes sense to tell the stories here. I don't mind sharing all of myself. It's part of who I am. Thank you so much for listening to my story <3
welcome! thankyou for your open-ness and honesty here. the reality of money, in general, is that it has had most of doing what we don't want to do - just to gain access to the abundance that is rightfully ours until we BUY into the idea that everything has to be worked for. fruit is intended to grow abundantly on trees all around, for example - freely given by the mother of us all.. yet 'civilised' humans decided it was more 'productive' to kill most of the free trees and ensure you must work to gain access to shops to get the food.
steemit is a digital representation of the anarchy that will solve some of our problems once the majority realise they are naturaly anarchic! ;)
openness and honesty are the only ways for me :) I realize that this way of making money was just a part of my life's journey. I 100% agree with you about capitalism and society and abundance, and making it hard to acquire by the majority of society. Yay Steemit for representing some form of change from that nonsense :D
excellent! onwards and inwards ;)
Love your post here thank you for joining us and sharing your story here because it helps all of us have the courage to share from the heart instead of from the surface! I will be voting your post up as one of the first on my live stream today!
Thank you for reading. I think it is important to be honest. I have considered myself a writer long before I started writing on here (one week ago), and I think in order to be a genuinely good writer, you have to speak the truth, whatever that truth may be. It generally does not come from being dishonest. Maybe never. Anyway, thank you so much! I appreciate your support and upvote <3
As a fellow camgirl i gotta say... you should try other sites??? lol..I think we've all dealt with creeps being creeps but I've never felt dirty about it. Why? Cos I know my limits. Which is super important to avoid feeling dirty when doing adultwork... I've been camming for about 5 years now. I also do custom videos, post on pornhub and on here now! Honestly though I don't know what sites you were on but they sound...awful. And with low traffic. So I am sure that factored into your experience. My first site was super indie and I was grateful if one guy came in for one $50 private in a 5 hour span. Since moving on to sites I'm more suited to, I have an easier time. I prefer freechat myself because I like to chat and flirt and move around a lot. I would recommend if you're hating camming so much trying different sites for sure. You really shouldn't have to deal with so many creeps... xoxox
Welcome to Steemit Jessica. That was a very interesting story. Sorry that you felt like Camming was your only option. It is never a good feeling to be doing something you don't love.
I hope Steemit can get you where you want to be.
I don't think I felt it was my only option, but it was a world I was willing to dive into in order to not have to move back in with my parents in Wisconsin (and leave Barcelona where I was living before, or leave Mexico City where I am living now). Now that I know what it's like inside of that world, I have some really strong experiences that have affected me in an intense way, and a lot of opinions about what is going on both in the cam world and in the world in general as it relates to sex/sex work/the changing face of reality because of the internet in our hands at all times. In any case, I do hope that I can get ahead through my writing instead of using my body in a pretty unsavory way.
Thanks for reading <3
Yeah I hear ya. I'm originally from Indiana and I wouldn't want to move back there to live. There are cool things about it but in a lot of ways it would feel like a step backwards.
There is an increasing amount of guys who really can't meet a girl and so living in an online fantasy world is their only connection.
Honestly I have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. I'm not opposed to the camming but I just think it sucks that you don't want to do it but feel like you have to. Just like someone working long hours at a job they don't like.
Very well written, I'm glad you made it here and hope you can provide, both for your doggy and the community with more enlightening posts.
I'm not new to this world at all and have friends that are involved. The most 'successful' (money vs guilty feeling balance) being the Dom who tells others to do bad things on camera and gets paid for it. She's not a Dom at all, just wears the right costume and acts well.
Anyway, welcome to the platform and thanks for sharing :)
Thank you! I have been writing since I was a little girl, and I just never stopped. I also have friends who do sex work and some don't seem to have as many negative feelings about it, but their role is different perhaps. Or maybe it's just something about me that is too affected by it. I can't help but analyze not just what is happening to me, but what must be happening to so many people, and women, really. My stories are definitely not the worst.
I watched Hot Girls Wanted, and the vibe I got from Episode one about camming was 100% in line with my own feelings by the end of it. Dark and sad.
Thank you so much for listening to my story. It helps to know I am not alone, even if it through my words over a digital platform <3
Pleasure, it's very open forum here and definitely a good place to release the written beast 😊
I've yet to delve much into my private life but I think it will happen. Everyone's got a story right?
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I can appreciate most of your story, having lived paycheck to paycheck most of your life. The cam part isn't something I have experienced. Probably because no one wants to watch an overweight epileptic 37 year old guy perform sexual acts on himself.... Lol
Anyway, thankyou for opening up, it was definitely an enlightening read, and I pray that Steemit brings you the change of lifestyle you are aiming for :)
Hey @mstaader, yeah camming is probably only something a relatively small part of the population have gotten into, at least on the performance side. It's probably an industry of 80%+ women.
Opening up is the only way to get it out, and this seems like a good platform to do it. I know my parents won't be on here, and I don't really want them to know about this. I pride myself in not asking them for help, and I think they might be devastated to read what I wrote here. Maybe someday...
In any case, thanks so much for listening to my story. I'm glad it added some light. Light can even come from weird, dark places, and that is an amazing thing :)
xo
I'm not sure if you're familiar with a singer by the name of David Draiman... But this song came to mind reading your reply.
if the original is too heavy for your musical tastes, there is an acoustic cover
Hi Jess, thank you for this great share, glad you found steemit and im pretty sure you will have as much success as effort you put into it, you are already on the right path and Im following to see more in depth content with such a personal touch.
Welcome to Steemit Jessica, thanks for you are here. You will love Steemit
Thank you for sharing! Welcome to Steemit, and I hope that you can create a good niche here for yourself and only share the things you feel good about.
I'm pretty sure you won't get the types of comments here that you would on a cam site, even if you chose to bring some of that work here. As far as I know, we just don't have that culture here. I think you'd be more in control here, whatever you choose to do.
Best of luck to you.
nice post !!!!
Great work and best of luck. Followed and enjoyed.
I hope your finances improve. Thanks for the sexy picture!
The beacon of hope through Steemit !
Also, I have the girlsgonewild account in steemit if you want to help me get it going let me know!
sure, let me know what I can do xoxox
Nice)
Nice post.
I think a lot of people here...
probably everyone...
desires freedom from the increasingly toxic grip of the larger culture. I'm becoming more aware of people everywhere struggling to keep their dignity in tact. So challenging... at this point I've been on board the F***-it train for several years. I'm just going to do what I love, seek out and uncover beauty, and if it doesn't make money then i'll starve.
Sounds good in writing... doesn't it?