I had never thought of myself as a controller. Controlling personalities always had negative connotations attached to them like my Dad; he was a controller. He thought he was wrong once, but it turns out that he was mistaken. Yeah, my Dad had his life set up right the way that he wanted, he was in control and there was nothing anyone could say to him otherwise. He'd manipulate situations by lying through his back teeth and win people over by showering them in hard cash, or alcohol if that was their tipple. I was no damn controller. Not like dad. He was a pure arsehole, there's no way I could be like that. Later in life I found out that I was like him.
After many years of introspection, I've came to the conclusion that everyone is controlling in some form or other. Some to a great extent, others to a lesser degree. I'm controlling in some form, I'd have to be otherwise people would dictate my life for me. I have to have some form of control over what I do or say to people else the world would be a mess.
I'd like to state that we're not effectively letting go of control, we are disowning the negative forms of control, you know? Trying to control that which we cannot because it's not within our power to do so, but trying to make an attempt at controlling it anyway. That's what we need to let go of. An example would be getting angry and frustrated at the price of STEEM going down and ploughing all of your savings into it to hopefully push the price up. It might work for a moment, maybe, but then the market will continue on its journey without your intervention. You've just done something unnecessary to alleviate your crazy feelings of control, which in essence had zero effect anyway.
My Mum was the absolute Queen of trying to control things that she could not. As a young kid, I was on a path for semi-greatness. I was in the Scotland golf squad, yes, the literal national team; under-14's I think. I was a straight A* student and I was headed off to a selection of great Universities had I have stayed that path I was headed on, but, rebellion struck. My step-dad died and I went off the rails. For a good 10 years. Mum tried everything, from kicking me up the arse to keeping me inside the house for three months, but, if she had just 'accepted' these were the way things were and just given me a hug and told me that she loved me, I'd perhaps had calmed down. Kids destinations are often of their own choosing, the less that you try to control that then the better you will have it as a parent. My Mum had SO much planned for me and I achieved zero of it. Alas, in a roundabout way I'm living my dream as we speak. THIS is what I've always wanted to do, it's probably why I'm such a good writer. Boast, brag, smelling my own farts.
I was the same though, nothing wound me up the wrong way more when the reality that I had in my own headspace didn't pan out in the same way as it did in the real world. I'd often get bitterly mad and sometimes out of control when things didn't go my way. Call it selfish if you may, that was part of it anyway, being an only child and having the sole attention of both parents. I didn't like things not going my way and I'd spend hours trying to bend the world into my reality, and if I couldn't, well, my life wasn't worth living anymore.
It took longer to realise that everything that's not personal to me, I can't mould or change. The world just exists with or without me, and, shit happens. When it dawned on me that I was making things hard for myself by pushing against the grain of the world it became such a freeing experience. I no longer spent time acting upon things that really wouldn't move with or without my intervention regardless. When my manager at work left for another job, it hit us all hard, but we had to live with it because it was her decision. It's not as if I could have put a gun to her head.
Since my realisation life has been immensely easier for me. I no longer try and change what it set in stone, I wait for things to happen and then act upon them in the best way that I can. I've stopped trying to predict the future and getting bent out of shape when nothing happens, and just take life as it comes and enjoy it for the raw, simplicity that it is.
Thanks for listening! :)
As always raymond great post.
I wish more people could understand to let go sometimes instead of trying(and failing) to control everything and becoming miserable with life, it's easy for me to say as i'm lazier than a rug on sedatives.
Even having the most controlled, perfect life will always run into the force of randomness and you can never plan for something like that.
You're so right, and, there's no such thing as perfection! There is always something to balance the other out. I think anyway. You seem to think like me dude :)
Great minds think alike :P
Live in the now...tomorrow will take care of itself.
You're completely right :)
Very inspiring. This must have been quite emotional to write too.
I'm an emotional guy. I am at one with my emotions now haha :) - thanks!
You are quite right. We have to enjoy life as we wish, because we have only one. I'll follow you because I love what you do. Thank you
Thank you :)
That is life, we are always learning from it. Thx for sharing your story.
Thank you :)
Very good write-up
Thanks! :)
as a Christian it really helps me to focus on giving God control, even though I believe I have absolute free will, it relieves me to know I can just live life without worry.
love your post
Thank you! :) I'm not a religious person, it really interests me though! How would you give someone else control whilst at the same time having free will? :)
Thanks for your good wishes!
I'm saying that I have free will and with that I can choose to let God have control over my life. doesn't mean he does though, it's just me saying to myself that whatever happens is God's plan for me and that i'm going to trust that and do what he asks of me.
so what i'm saying is that with prayer and reading the bible if I really feel like God wants me to do something, or like spur of the moment I feel compelled to talk to some one about Jesus, and then I do that thing, then I'm choosing with my free will to do what I feel like God wants me to do.
In the Christian world free will and stuff bordering on that is a debate at times.
it can be hard to explain, and I think that to someone nonreligious it can make me seem very blind, so I hope it doesn't come across like that.
great question, because someone that is a terrorist might say the same thing as what I had said in my earlier comment, but from here things get much deeper to explain. :)
I bet you felt such relief when you finally set yourself free! Great post. Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself...
I did, thank you. It was like I lifted the worlds problems off my shoulders
Very good post. The world is indifferent to our struggles, concerns, and attachments. We struggle to realize that we may be at the center of our lives, but we are not at the center of the world.
This is spot on, we are not. The world would go on without us
Thank you, and yes it would; and the world wouldn't even know we were gone.
Nice post!
Thank you :)
Control is an illusion. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Well that's just it. You only give as much control as you allow
Funny working out a lot of the same stuff in my life right now. New to steemit but I'm definitely going to follow and see how you put your new insight to work for you. Superb blog.
Thanks man. Hope my work benefits you!
It's hard when it's from your perspective. You know the circumstances leading up to behaviors so you don't see those behaviors negatively a lot of the time. But if you take things out of context and just say you did something blatantly then think about how that thing alone would sound to someone else, it gives you a little perspective. I can be kind of controlling but it comes from a fear of abandonment so it took time to understand it was a negatively learned behavior and not healthy for anyone. Now, when I think about doing something questionable, I take it out of context and think about how it would sound to a complete stranger. Not too much though. Start to feel crazy after a little bit.
That's interesting. I wonder what results you've taken from that. I honestly don't pretend to understand others!
I totally get this, my mother only knows how to control. you have just given me some insight into why she needs to control. Thank you for the insight..
No problem beth! Let's hope many more realisations to come :)
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you :)
I really loved your posts!
Letting go is one of the most powerful things you can do. For me, letting go was the secret to changing the world around me, and dissolving those things that I was putting so much energy into resisting. When you are faced with a challenge or something you feel stops you from moving forward, change your focus, let it be there but don't give it the negative energy that keeps it around.
You will find that by doing this, your awareness shifts and the problem is suddenly nothing serious, fading away by it's own accord. Earlier this year, I was faced with some troubles of my own. I was ruined financially and this of course made me want to change my situation so bad that I felt stuck, trapped and lost. I soon realized the only problem here was myself and my own mindset. Changing this, I discovered that there is far more power in releasing control than trying to hold onto it.
Great post, hope to see more from you Raymond.