Totally Or Totally Not

dandays (72)in #outofthinair • 7 months ago (edited)

Full Disclosure:

I don't announce partially finished or half complete disclosures: I do not tell shitty jokes.

I take shit seriously.

I've rearranged this sentence more than I'd like to admit and there's really no easy way to say it so I'll just say it.

I can't count.

How many times I've been told something to the affect they don't know if I'm being serious. "I don't understand you," end quote. Just the other day I was told that.

Reminds me of the time I said I don't mean to be so cryptic because, well, you see, what I mean by that is, I don't mean to be so cryptic so addressed it shall be, happen before it is not. It's in the fine print.

_{_{The remainder of today's performance because that's what this is, today's, will be preceded by instructions. You won't be subjected to another set of paragraphs without first knowing exactly what they represent—totally or totally not bullshit. Like a road map only different.}}

Totally not bullshit:

Every time you instinctually react toward the car or big truck that revved their engine at the signal light or parking garage and it took precedence over every thought you were thinking because it's loud as fuck and now they're stomping the gas pedal over and over and over again all VRM VRRRMMM VVRMM VRM VRRRRRMMMMMM it's NEVER a hot chick.

Because it's not, get it? That's how totally or totally not bullshit works. Never has the bright orange Mustang that burned out across the parking lot had a hot chick driving. They don't do that. They don't throttle Harley's or crotch rockets, either. They don't even ride with dudes who do that. Let's try another one.

Totally bullshit:

See? That means what you're about to read is fiction—didn't really happen, ready?

I walked into the toilet the other day at the gym which might seem kinda odd to anyone tuned in who calls a toilet a bathroom and has never been to Europe or England because they don't call toilets bathrooms there. They call them toilets there. I had to do some improv detective work once when we were in Greece and I asked where to dump the mop bucket and they said 'in the toilet.'

The toilet?!

It'll overflow, I thought. I don't know how big the toilet is but that mop bucket was full; at least five gallons of nasty water needs dumped. What's a toilet bowl hold, one, maybe two gallons?? But, when in roam or however the saying goes so, to the bathroom goes me where I'll dump all five gallons down the toilet.

I walked in and was met by a shower drain in the center of the floor. There's a toilet in the corner of the room and other common home improvement options; mirror, light, sink...

Shit like that.

The shower drain is an instant reminder they call bathrooms toilets and didn't mean dump the bucket water in the toilet-toilet. They meant dump it in the bathroom-toilet.

I did.

So, anyway, I walked into the toilet at the gym the other day. There's two stall doors, one's closed shut. There's gaps in the stall where the door meets the walls. Look, I'm not the only one who glances at the crack to make sure someone's actually using the toilet-toilet and it's not just a door held shut by gravity.

Someone's using it.

I used the adjacent toilet—#1. Proceeded to the sink to wash my hands when the stall door that was closed next to me opened and a gentlemen exited the toilet-toilet. He works there.

(Gym)

Bright red shirt

STAFF, it says, in capital white letters across the back—can't miss it.

Walked right past me.

Avoided the sinks and continued out the toilet toward a tote tray full of cleaning supplies laying on the ground next to a mop.

Must be cleaning the toilets..

He'll clean his hands with those cleaning supplies, I thought, that's why he skipped the sink after #2.

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓭. He went to the tote, cleaned his hands with a towelette thing, put on gloves and continued cleaning the toilets.

No.

Totally bullshit, remember? I don't tell shitty jokes, either. I already said all this.

What really happened was, he walked out the toilet. I finished washing my hands around the same time he.. finished what he was doing. We exited the toilet together where he promptly returned to the front desk, situated himself at the keyboard and proceeded to assist the next guest like he didn't just completely blow up the bathroom and didn't wash his hands get it? It's in the fine print.

_{_{Non-fiction. The remainder of today's viewing pleasure because that's what this is, today's, will consist of totally not bullshit only. This concludes the fine print.}}

And now, we return you to our regular scheduled program in progress—Vibes, where I've been hangin out the past couple weeks instead of war and puff daddy and inflation.

Not once has it sucked.

Like this dude, @infernal-beatbox. Been on Hive less than six months but beat boxes as good as anyone I've heard. Toward the end of the clip, he's holding what's likely a vape pen in his hand but if it's not and, what he's holding is an inhaler whilst beat boxing, that's only the coolest brand ever.

Squid Game Cover Beatbox | Vibes Web3 Music Competition Week 7

Or this duet, @ciskodisco.opus. I just listened again—not sure how many times I've done that. Tough to watch just once. They joined Hive last month and have been releasing music since.

Vibes Web 3 Music Competition Week 7 _ Somewhere Only We Know - Keane ( Cover )

One more. Enter your favorite cliche for this dude, @sidkingsley. He just joined Hive this month. First post is the following cover of These Days by Jackson Browne. Watch, he'll introduce himself and announce Vibes and whatever else he says but when he starts singing.. You didn't expect that.

VIBES WEB3 MUSIC COMPETITION Week number 7!>