Good evening everyone, and welcome to the Comedy Open Mic COMmunity. My pseudonym is Hugh Telmi, and tonight I'd like to take a bit of time to tell you all about this COMmunity that I love.The echos in this space have become louder than the laughter. The nice thing about performing to an empty room is that there's no pressure to do well. The bad thing about it is that performing without an audience is like masturbating without porn. Do I think I'm funny enough to bring a large audience to the COMmunity? No. Do I think I'm funny enough to bring the comedians back to the COMmunity? No. I do have a metric shitload of Ecency points to spend promoting the COMmunity, and myself, shamelessly. In fact, this post used to be titled:
Like someone dropped a bomb in here...
...AND...
The Comedy Open Mic COMmunity is the Best Place on Hive!!!
...but I decided that isn't going to bring much attention here when I promote into everyone's Ecency feed for a week.
I workshopped some better titles for a while before landing on what you see above. Discarded titles include such gems as:
COMmunity is giving away free Bitcoin!!!
Check out Comedy Open Mic COMmunity! Nudes in profile!
Titties and Beer
I like being the center of attention, but you guys and gals need to be able to function without me. I thought it would be easy for you, since there are (or were) so many funny and talented folks posting their laughs for likes. I know some of you are still around, so I'm going to start name-dropping...
@kingsley, my friend and brother, you deserve a medal for keeping the hope and the rebellion alive. You chose an apt name... you are the King- of this community, and you -Sley with every post. I want you and everyone in this COMmunity to hear this loud and clear... As strange as it sounds, we must all try to be a bit more like @kingsley!
@princessbusayo, I see you are still active on Hive, but in a much more serious way. I hope we are not one of the negative influences you have cut yourself off from! Teaching is important, but so is comedy! Bless us again with your wit and wisdom!
@blanchy has continued to soldier away here in the COMmunity, much to the delight of lovers of satire. If there is any way I could persuade you to switch of the socc-ball for an extra 15 minutes a week to harass people here, please let me know.
@adedoyin-g is not only still posting occasionally, but is still posting about work and politics! You're already so close to the jokes, why not take that step back over here to the funny side?
@mrenglish is also still active on Hive, but maybe lost his sense of humor? Come on back to the COMmunity, brother! We need laughs more than insights!
@merit.ahama is another one who still has plenty to say, just not here in the COMmunity. You have too much talent to be wasting it on serious topics, let your heart lead you back to the COMmunity where you truly belong!
@ayesha-malik teased us with a post earlier this year, after a long absence. Join me in encouraging her to bring her talents for laughs back in to this space where I'm sure we all miss her terribly.
@diikaan is another one that seems to have lost his sense of humor. My brother, take an extra cup of coffee, pull your pen out the ink well, and stop by here with some jokes!
A moment of silence for our missing brothers and sisters. @nelson-george seems to have disappeared from Hive. I hope that his absence is simply because he's buried in titties somewhere. @crsarmy7 has likewise gone dark, and I likewise hope he's still busy with the girl from the elevator. @didijames went dark shortly after posting about rising crime... let's all hope that he is safe! @omosefe likewise disappeared, though it seems more likely she's throwing her time at a new job than romance. If you see our tech sis, or any of these missing members out in the wild, invite them to come on back!
I see a new face here and there. @mitch18 took a crack at it, and left us with a nice funny story. @improv left a funny thought about the TikTok ban in the US. @jesus-son left us a nice funny post about wet dreams, and @mimistories delighted us with a good bit about the necessity of gossip and hate.
You part timers need to understand, once you step in here slinging jokes, we expect you to come back and give us more. We haven't shown it very well lately, but it is true. Of course, we don't expect it in a creepy, stalker way (don't want to scare off any possible newcomers), more like the way a toddler might expect you to make them lunch. We're more like strays than stalkers... if you feed us once, we're going to follow you with those puppy eyes until we get another handout.
Do you hear that, @dandays and @corvidae? You are both absolutely hilarious, and this is where many of your posts belong. We are not as scary as we seem. Just because the club is in a white van with no windows doesn't mean it's dangerous. Come on in, we have candy!
C'mon gang, we aren't just going to let our club be taken over by the likes of @beetoons and @tdvtv are we? At the very least, we should demand they post something funny in here!
Seriously folks, we need to grab our balls (or ovaries) and make a stand! Don't let the spammers drown us in banality, strike out with your words and fight for your right to not be taken seriously!
Join us in our fight to save our beloved COMmunity! I promise you'll be showered with praise, upvotes, tips, contest rewards, gold, bitcoin, rain, sun, and God's grace if you take up our righteous cause!
Who is with me?
High'll Telu, I feel about this big for missing that. Didn't mean to.. I'm not hyper-focused on karaoke or photos of someone else's art or games no one's heard of, that's not it..
I was ignoring DHF proposals, their ensuing rebuttals, and I hate this place posts—nothing personal.
Ahh, THERE he is!
No worries, I knew you would pop up eventually, just like my erections. I totally understand the need to take an occasional break from the negativity and reboot. Just like my erections.
I've also posted a little non-karaoke music to 3Speak under my other account. It's not great stuff, but I think you'll appreciate the song choices. It may give you a reason to spend more time here, without losing your erection.
I really can't say why I'm so erection-focused in this reply. I guess maybe 'cuz I've been trying to do some comedy all morning, and it's hard work.
#comedyopenmic #outofthinair #hashtagabuse
I shoulda swung by sooner.
It is hard, for sure. For me, hard-est. Especially virtually—no facial expressions or body language or..
Dude walks into a bar and I'm all how many times you gonna do that?!
See what I mean?
I think you're not being honest with yourself. You have managed to use Markup to manipulate your text in a way that I believe mimics facial expressions and body language very well.
You have the some of the most performative text on all of Hive, right in league with folks like @crimsonclad.
I hope that wasn't supposed to be funny cuz I didn't laugh at all. And that 100% was all ai.
I had minor hopes for a chuckle from the 'performative text' line. Can't win 'em all, but there's no limits to losing.
I don't care how minor dude, tell me more of this hope you speak of.
My humorous instinct is still intact. I am ready to make you laugh out loud..
Thanks for the mention.
Thanks for the reply! It makes me feel good to see that folks are still here, and with sense of humor intact! You are now an enlistee in the Civil Action Comedy Army, or CACA for short. Welcome to the CACA, soldier, you may fire at will!
I was not prepared for that photo. If Scooby Doo was with me right now he would be jumping into my arms quivering like the nervous mess of a dog he is. I'll be back now that the football is over. I'm intrigued by the shadowhunters community so I intent to write a screenplay around their adventures on Hive. A motley crew with various frames and vehicles keeping them together.
It's pretty easy for me to picture you as a Brit version of Shaggy. I'm thrilled to see that we will get some more of your attention, now that net-ball is done.
Shadowhunters, huh? Are they like ghost hunters? Can they find the missing comedians hiding in the shadows of the COMmunity? Hmmm... I look forward to your report, and am anxious to learn more about these hunters on Hive.
Welcome to the Civic Action Comedy Army! As a member of these elite COMmandos, you can breathe easy knowing that CACA always has your back!
A "British" version?? I am Irish my friend. We fought 800 years against those bastards to call ourselves a republic. )It's like calling you a Canadian or a Taliban. Don't know which is worse. I'm gonna have to go to the attic and find my balaclava again and come to America for vengance. Watch the film Patriot Games for the gist of things to come. Tiocfaidh ar La!!!
I'm an American, as far as I know, I am Canadian Taliban. I should have known better though, since you don't write every sentence as a question, do you?
When you come for your vengeance, I'll use YOUR safe word, if that's okay.
Biddy
I guess that didn't make much sense before I added the don't up there.
I've an aunty called Biddy. Raving alcoholic. If you say that word I would be running for them their hills.
Sounds a bit like my aunt Batty, who is an alcoholic that like attending raves.
Thank you for the mention ,glad to know about this😊
Thanks for posting a funny story in my favorite club!
I'll give you a good tip, if you want to try another comedy post. When you tell a funny story, think of something new to add that didn't happen, but would have been hilarious if it did. A little embellishment can go a long way when looking for laughs!
I am now thinking what to post😄
I love to share some of funny stories that happens to my life.
That's the kind of ambition we love to see!
Great, you point at me, tell me I'm funny, and now I got all these marks staring at me like I'm gonna pull a clown outta my ass any second. What's more, you mentioned me and @dandays in the same sentence, which makes me wonder if he's the one gotta pull out the clown or worse, that the clown might be him. And why the hell didn't you mention @brandt? Just cuz he's off rebuilding his psyche and finding his self-love doesn't let him off the funny-ha-hive hook.
I was hoping some funny person would remind me of the people I forgot to tag in that post, and @brandt is a perfect example of one I missed! What say you, sir? Can you bring your many personalities back to the COMmunity?
Sorry to use this comment reply space to recruit... now back to you...
We will have plenty of spare clowns at the club, so you can leave that one in your ass, if you prefer!
Thanks for the reply, and for giving me a good laugh! I hope this means you'll be continuing to help us fight the good fight!
Ass Clowns for everyone!
Did my nose hear that someone is missing me well if it's right then I wanted to mention one thing these days my legs are not allowing me to write lol, I am participating in the Olympics xD😁
Yes, I miss that clever wit! Perhaps you could write with your legs? 😁
What an idea but you will need stomach and heart to read it lol
I have plenty of heart, I'm sure I could borrow a stomach for a while!
That's a good news to hear 🙂. I liked the community once but then saw that closing announcement and didn't check back.
Congratulations, you received an ecency upvote through the curator @ahmedhayat. Keep spreading love through ecency
Keep checking back, I'm determined to make you like the community once again!