Daddy, you've got boobies!!
My daughter shouted this last night then burst into gales of laughter. My right eyebrow rose so high that it threatened to break free of the confines of my face.
Oh really!
Silly lass, all that time breastfeeding when she was young had obviously raddled her brain.
And a mummy tummy!!
Given that being with child, mummy is the size of a house just now I did not feel particularly flattered.
Still, children do talk rubbish at times. I put it out of my mind.
I had recently chucked the snout. What the devil is the snout you cry?
What I mean is that I stopped smoking. It is a hard thing. At every turn it seems that people that I never even noticed before are puffing on the old brown weed. They are everywhere. Most often seen huddling in doorways clutching their spitty little tabs. I do my best to ignore them and the accompanying siren call of nicotine as it beckons me to come back to the fold.
In work today I popped out to the shops for some much needed snackage.
Obviously, immediately outside the building I had to battle my way through hordes of smokers puffing frantically away whilst on a break.
It was with great relief that I made it to the other side of the smokey cloud they produced. I headed off for them munchies.
As I walked past a shop window I caught a glimpse of a passer by in the reflection of the street. He looked a bit porky.
Daddy you've got boobies
Rang in my head. Then for good measure,
And a mummy tummy!!
Imagine my horror when I realised that the moobster I had glimpsed in the window was my very own self?
What the blazes? I am gigantic. And not in a good Pixies song kind of way.
These two events made me realise that since stopping smoking I have been essentially comfort eating. I have even known on some level that I have needed to shed a couple of pounds to avoid looking like a bag of udders.
if I put on any more weight I will positively be demanding a Princess Leia that I can haul about on a chain aka Jabba the Hutt.
Of course, as we all know. It's one thing to be aware on some level that you might need to shed a few lardons but entirely another to be derided by your daughter or to realise that you have been sneering at your own reflection for being chunky the hunky monkey.
So I am presented with two stark options.
Go on some manner of Fasting/dieting/amending what I eat nonsense.
Put my eyes out with a sharp thing so that I need never offend them again.
Unsurprisingly I am going to go with Option 1.
So today I start the purge. It is an elegant solution I have proposed to myself. Easy to follow too.
I dont mind sharing it with you all in the hope that it may help if you find yourself in the same bind.
Number 1 - Stop eating so much shite.
Number 2 - Stop eating so much shite.
Number 3 - Stop. Eating. So. Much. Shite!
I could be on to something. I can almost see the book already.
curious how you include the text with cool font?
I use an android app and just pop them in
That is a good title for a book: "Stop eating so much shite!" A bestseller, it has to be. With a small pre-title "After you stopped smoking:"
From my own experience, gaining quite some overweight, after getting rid of the little burning devil, I can state that, all it takes is time.
That and halving the amount of food that gets eaten during a day. And taking evening walks, riding a bicycle, that kind of thing. Basicly make sure to burn more calories than you get in. And drink a glass of water during diner, or just before.
And obsessing just will do the opposite, stress creates a crave for sugar for instance. As our body thinks bad poverty times are coming, when you do your best to force yourself to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time.
You will only lose moist anyway and mustle if you give yourself a damn good thrashing for having too much overweight. It works the other way. Stress wants more food (sugar rich) to be comforted.
Trust in that you will get back to a more balanced weight over time. Step by step, you'll get there. Having another little one about the house will help too, I guess. ;-)
Ah yes. That would be the perfect subtitle after it!
Hehe, the little one might tip the balance in the wrong way for a while. I suspect that is the motivation behind me wanting to get a bit trimmer before the event. I have 8 weeks. 8! Not long but I aint quite as dramatically tubby as I might have made out. Just a little :O)
I am fully prepared for the exercise taking. sigh Even though the thought at the moment is making me feel particularly meh!
Ow, if it aint that bad for you in overweight then you'll manage it within 8 weeks. Easy as pi... Eurm, it is managable.
Moving about in a healthy way, it takes a first step. Good luck getting pasted the meh!
(Boegies - Meh, fun-punk band from Groningen NL, wayyyy back.)
Lol at the meh song! That is proper old skool punk! One drum!
Hahaha, whenever you feel like meh, this is the cure!
It definitely is!
The "you can eat whatever you want" diet , normal eating only half portions.
Drinking is not applicable for this diet. :-)) Cheers !
Did that if it means no drinking I ain't doing it ;0)
Off course not , what are you thinking ! :-)
The 24 hours beer diet ? Those hard drinkers are all skinny.
No , just kidding.
Counting calories and fitness is the only thing that works for me.
Eating 2200 till 2500 kcal a day if your big and burning 500 kcal a day.
It' ll work , but hey what's new ? :-)
Hang on to it mate , I'll support you by drinking a beer. :-)
(and will join you next week in the gym ! :-(
This is from a dietist. :-) Maybe can use it as guideline if you want.
http://imgur.com/a/F8C3n
But I've read your post , the stop smoking candy eating kicks will dissapear,
and everything will settle down after 6 - 12 months.
Probably hanging on to stop smoking is the most important. :-)
Yeah, stopping with them sticks and just hitting it a little harder and more regularly in the gym. To be honest what with working and steeming at night I have let the gym slide a little!
But I know the path I have to take!
You? A porker? That's udder nonsense! But... children have been known to not lie, and it's your own daughter too! The fruit of your loins, your little princess. That has to sting a bit, I would imagine. I remember you saying that you've taken to crisps in your quest to rid yourself of those cancer sticks, I didn't imagine you bought out an entire aisle and gorged on them haha!
My roommate from before went through the same exact withdrawal, but what he did instead of reducing stuff that he ate was he exercised. Took up boxing and ran marathons, that sort of thing. With a baby on the way, I think you won't have that time, but aren't newborn known to help shed weight? I mean, pregnant mothers become thin quickly because of all the labors involved with raising a child. So maybe that'll work for pregnant fathers too!
Fear not. I see a little excess poundage as just another little challenge on this great road we call life.
I shall slay it and then bellow my contempt at the skies. In the silence that follows my dominion will be plain.
Finally the forces that conspire against me will come to see the futility of their actions and exalt me as the lord of all.
Oh I do not fear anything at all. I have the utmost faith in you. Your quest is a cake walk compared to the other trials that you have undergone. This whole endeavor is as easy as pie for you, dude. I know it, with every fiber of my being. Oh the muscle that you will uncover will be but icing.
Hahahhahahahahahhahahahhaha
oh
hahahhahahhahahahahhahahahhah!!
I found that amusiing. I am not sure if you will notice but I have left a couple of clues :O)
Oh man! Clues?? HUHU! I'm a sucker for mysteries! I shall endeavor in weeding them out post haste!!
MEGA LOLZ! :OD
Don't forget the NSFW tag! and Good luck man. I'm doing the same. It's not bad I even got plastered on Saturday and still look better than a week ago.
Thats a promising thing! I have been talking about it for a while but it took a stray reflection to drive home the need!
wahahahah
hmm.. beer caused it?
okay eating too much shite too
but then you recently quit puffs so that must have added to that too?
Fasting is good indeed but make sure you are properly hydrated and juice much!
My former students used to do banana diet - they eat nothing but banana for a meal so 3x a banana a day - can you? or sweet potato - makes you p.. a lot :D gets rid of your mummy tummy fast no matter what you eat and you need to move a lot!
good luck!
I wish it was the beer, that is relatively easy to fix.
I think it is the cigs, or rather cutting them out.
I think a little bit of fasting and less carbs and I will soon have abs that can be climbed up again like a ladder :O)
I hate bananas! Yuk! I think it is the texture. Although I can have them smooshed up in a smoothie!
Need I say more:
Real hooters!! Oh noe. Nothing more needs said!!
Just don't stop eating.
So ... Cook a boat load of beef/chicken/pork on the BBQ with no salty barbeque spice/sauce. While the grill is still hot, cook up some vegetables.
Go with about a pound and a half of protein per day (split into 5 servings - breaky-snack-loonch-snack-dinner). Every time you eat the protein, eat double to amount in veg. Have your carbs at breakfast and lunch.
Make about 5 days worth to get you through the work week.
At the end of the day, have one glass of wine or beer. (This is your Fruit/Sugar - good before bed)
Do this 6 days a week, pick one day to eat a moderate amount of whatever you want.
What is described above is the basics of :
They are good for dropping the weight quickly. Once you are where you want to be, change it up a little.
Yeah, I was thinking along these lines. I have done it before when such times have came upon me!
It works that much is for sure. I tend to save up my beerings for a saturday :O)
I like walking into work with almost a pound of meat, then explaining that I am on a diet. The most common response is ... "How much did you eat before!?!?"
Once you speed up your metabolism, you can eat anything.
That is very true. Walking into work with a pound of meat is a good thing. In my work they would think me a savage, we have no cooking facilities!! hehe
Sadly I don't have any advice for you because no matter what I do I can't see, to gain weight. As my metabolism slows down (as it should any day now), I will be forced to come up with a solution that I will gladly share with you!
By then hopefully I will have a solution for you!! :O)
I don't know about the post but if you are in the picture on the top, My thumbs up and follow both instantly goes to you. :p
Hahaha, thank you. Sort of ;O)
;)
post a great can be useful can be used as experience .semoga be a friend who can help me in order to like you ..... to dream and hope in reach. like @yooraa need dukugan friend. greetings esteem.
We can but dream :O)
Man boobs are an epidemic in the United States but they say that dad bods are in style here.
Hot dang. Dad bods will never be in style in my book!!
YIKES!
i am proud of you))
Aw cheers chica! :O)
Moobs and a mum tum haaahaaaha........I really shouldn't laugh at you, I've been snuck up on by those snouts more and more, and thinking a cleanse is in order for myself...in which case much less will seem funny to be for a bit. Sigh. Just thinking about it is taking the humor out of the air. I think I sneak them, but really it's the other way around. It's more fun when I'm doing the sneaking.
You know, you also have a pregnant wife, they say men gain sympathy weight... :)
It is sympathy weight!
In fact last time I called it my baby weight. Hehe, it made it easier to shift.
I always enjoyed the sneaking around, it made it all the merrier when snouting. Ah the good old times hehe!
I have the opposite problem, I need to start eating more - might start with your Bullet Beef recipe!
Haha, well you cannot go wrong with that recipe! Get stuck in!
I'm sorry, but HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG this was so funny! I sympathize on the quit smoking part though. I'm great at quitting, but really suck at staying that way. The last time I tried that, I pretty much ate everything in sight - and was even eyeing table legs as a snack, lol. The other thing was that I was so grouchy I didn't even want to be around myself! Best of luck to you!
I have been eating absolutely everything. And the grouching has been noted by the good lady who once or twice has even sweetly mentioned my withdrawals affecting me! lol! :OD
LOL! I empathize with you! My friends and family weren't nearly so sweet. :D
Heh heh, yeah she might not have been that sweet. ;O)
LOL! Keep us posted on that quit, okay? And all the best!
I sure will, unless I fail maybe lol!!
Just turn your comfort eating into comfort working out :-)
Or at least do both so the shit you have binge eaten in the evening will burn out next day :-)
Btw, you are lucky that you don't live in such countries like Greece or Philippines where 60 and 40% of people smoke lol
It used to be quite high like that here. Then they banned it indoors and the numbers have dropped steadily. Then vaping happened and the numbers are even less!
I intent to start the comfort working out!
Yeah, banning indoors certainly helps. It helped in UK. Thank fuck I don't have to inhale that shit anymore when I eat in the restaurant aor have a dirnk in the bar :-)
Comfort working out works great, I think. Especially intensive anaerobic type of exercise :-)
Its mad to think that ten years ago you could be eating your food in a restaurant and people would be puffing away all around you isnt it?
Yes it is ultimately inconsiderate and selfish :-)
But it is still pathetic that the law has to be entroduced to FORCE people to stop certain behaviour because the value system in society does not bring up people to comprehend such basics of social consideration in the first place :P
If there was no law, they would keep doing that (even in front of their toddlers) as they do not actually understand the reason why they should stop doing that, or are they have been conditioned to cognitively ignore or reject given knowledge why they should stop doing that.
I remember back in the day I thought it terrible that they had to make a law to make people do what they should ultimately beer doing, or not, themselves.
At least it all ends well!
My wee five year old asked me the other day "why cant you feed with your boobies like mammy does"...ouch ;-)
Good luck with option 1, if truth be told I would wait until after your little one is born and the celebrations and festivities have died down a bit :-)
I will also look forward to your book and will wait with baited breath to learn the title of afore mentioned book!
I had considered waiting till after the birth. It is becoming c=something that needs to be addressed now because if I pile on the birth weight I shall be a sorry sorry man!
Lol, the book would probably be Stop Eating Shite
You are probably right :-(
As for your book, I would soooooooo buy that book!!!
Hehe, so would I!
Kudos on the quitting smoking. It's something I fail at regularly. Chewing gum helps keep you from replacing the cigarettes with cookies. Now show us your tits.
They are coming! ;O)
Yeah I have failed many times at it myself!
Time for some exercise. They say stop eating after 9pm too.
I agree with that one. I will be keeping it in mind!
Yes, I put on a few pounds after quitting smoking too. It sneaks up on you. When the kids comment on my tummy I say its a food baby in there lol. Good luck with stopping eating so much eating shite! Maybe drink a glass of water every time the snout urge hits? Create a healthy habit to associate with when you have that nicotine urge.
That is a very good idea. You cant have enough water. Oh no siree bob!
It shows that smokinf really does boost your metabolism a wee bit. Not obviously in a good way. I will battle through!
In these last two years, when I changed my job, I gained more than three pounds, although I tend to gain weight this time, my hand went away, now I have started a diet, I have stopped all carbohydrates, white flour and its derivatives, Sugar, alcoholic drinks and sweets, I must admit that it is a sacrifice at first, then one becomes accustomed.
Many thanks spor this post dear friend @meesterboom.
Have a great day
Carbs are a good place to start! Thank you @jlufer I will remember these tips!
I better get cracking on the weight front. I officially declared myself a 36 waist after a lifetime of 34's. The 34's were starting to hurt. Pants are not supposed to hurt...now I have nothing to wear. Getting portly is expensive.
That was one way I used to always monitor the blooming thing. I was a 28 (many years ago) then it crept up. 30. Then it crept up. 32. When I went above 32 I said no! But lately I have been piling it on and horrifyingly the waist is staying the same but above is getting bigger!
I know about the mummy tummy, oh the wonders of middle age, being 45 is a joy. Where has my youth gone?!?!
Have I said it before, but we are the same age! It has long betrayed us and ran off with someone younger :O)
I'm on the other end of the road, trying to get some weight.
But losing it's pretty easy, just stop eating shite rly and maybe some jogging will do lol.
Yeah, stop eating the shite is definitely the way to go.
I have some handy advice too if you are trying to gain weight... Start eating shite!
It doesn't work for me! Cause I lose it instantly after few spars. Probably need an immense amount of shite lol.
Yeah, you gotta ramp it up ;O)
My upvote isn't worth much, but best of luck to you. You have a tough road ahead, but you can do it!
@tipU - send tips by writing tip! in the comment and get share in service profit :)
By upvoting this comment you support the service - thanks!
I like a bit of positive thinking! Cheers! Tip!
Thanks! I'm still figuring all of this out. I appreciate you helping me get going.
You're welcome :O)
Great post. When I stopped smoking I put on 3 stone! Back smoking now though...my choice, love the weed. Stopped drinking when I didn't smoke, didn't enjoy drinking without the weed! Enough of that. Just eat healthily and stay off sugar, you will loose weight slowly, but it will stay off. Laughed all the way through your post. :)X
I am glad it raised a giggle! Yeah, I am fairly confident it will come off easy. I was fine when on the tabs so I just have to adjust slightly downward to account for the strange slowing of the metabolism that has obvisouly happened!
I feel for you while I am sat here with a tab in my hand! I really am a cow, forgive me? :)X
Hahahah, I completely forgive you. It is not so long ago that would have been me!! :O)
Thanks Doll, feel a bit better now. Plus, luck to you and your other half with the future addition. :)X
Cheers. It will be fab I am sure! :0)
I am very offended you saying your wife is the size of a house , she is pregnant with your child "what's your excuse man boobs" hahaha
Its a really good with child house :O)
That's a little better :/
Kids can be so cruel can't they?! Haha. 🐓🐓
Yeah! In a really slendid way!
Welcome to the moob club! It kinda "sucks" but hey think of all the money we are saving by not smoking!!!
I agree, we will have the last laugh moobs or no!
Hmmm... I get too much of that. My son calls me out on it all the time.
Its the honesty of them They just call it like they see it!
A few good poos and detox regiment should help. I chew gum. I'd rather drink bottles of gin and lie around in a bathrobe, but child welfare services would haul us all off....,and whatever for - being so sleep deprived with ankle biters is just a lucid means to feel in-lucid and hallucinogenically inebriated. Same effect. Best of luck with your diet!
Thats the problem when it comes to the ankle biters. You are tempted to lie around and eat chocolate all day. I have to lose it before my next one is due! Then I can start with a clean slate!
You made me write about chocolate...
Wayhay!!
Holy cow.