November 4, November 6?
The security guard at the reception desk in my work was giving me the hard eye through his cheap perspex visor. His mouth which was obscured by something black and panty-like was probably set in a grim line.
Go ahead, November 4!
An officious and self-important voice boomed from Knicker-Face's walkie-talkie.
I have a... BoomDawg here at reception. He claims to be one of yours?
Knicker-Face let go of the send button with that funny kriiick noise that walkie-talkies make and glowered at me as if I had presented him with a small fish made from plasticine.
I am not one of his. I work on the 6th floor. I have a 121 with my boss and it is all arranged. I just want to go upstairs. So can we hurry this up?
I hopped from foot to foot. I could practically feel the COVIDS seeping up from the floor into my shoes.
I wanted to be in and out with as little human contact as fast as possible.
November 4, this is November 6. We do not have a BoomDawg. I repeat. We do not have a BoomDawg!?
Knicker-Face took a step back in consternation. Beside him, some other nylon faced 'November' stood to his feet and motioned me backwards to a patch of floor with a yellow X daubed on it.
Oh for fuck sake guys. I fucking filled in the form on the intranet. It got approved. Just let me in the fucking door.
I whined like one of those dogs whose owner liked to rub their chest to get them erect then leave them hanging.
Knicker-Face AKA November 4 stepped forward with a clipboard.
You are not on the list. Therefore you couldn't have requested a slot via the intranet form. You will have to fill out this form and wait there.
He handed me the clipboard which had some weird bit of paper on it and a pen hanging by a piece of string.
Go...
He waved his hand at a yellow-painted circle surrounding a chair and small table.
Oh for fuck sake, man! Does it have to be this hard?!
I went over to the small table and quickly filled out my name and reason for visiting.
Here.
I returned to the reception desk and flipped the clipboard back to Knicker-Face.
He took it and grudgingly mumbled something inane into his walkie-talkie.
Nearby, a squinty-faced woman looked up from her keyboard.
Excuse me?! What is all the swearing? Swearing is not acceptable to any of our team. Who is your manager?
She wasn't wearing a mask and her face, which resembled a bullfrog eating a wasp was frowning at me as if I was attempting to cut her toenails with my penis.
I wondered if she slept in a perspex box at night?
Well?
She barked.
I looked at her contemptuously and fought down the urge to answer with Captain Fuckface.
My manager? Why do you want to know who my manager is?
I am going to inform them of your abusive behaviour toward our security staff who are performing an admirable job under conditions of extreme duress.
A long silence followed as we stared at each other. My stare, a thing of handsomosity. Hers, a curdling thing more suited to making butter than bringing into the workplace.
Knicker-Face's walkie-talkie burst into life.
November 1 here. What the fuck is going on down there? Is BoomDawg there? Tell Janice to send him fucking up. Fuck sake. I don't have all day?!
I looked at them smugly.
That's him. Bye.
I turned and sauntered in through the security gates.
I thought I was the only one who could feel the COVIDS with my feet. Captain Fuckface sounds like a gem, tell your manager I said howdy fuckin' doody.
Hell no man. I can feel those slinky sleekit COVIDS creeping about everywhere. LEeching up feet and launching off walls. Damn critturs, ain't gonna get me.
I was going to tell him but I took a vow of silence today. Working from home helps
I can sometimes feel them crawling around underneath my tent when I'm sleeping at night, but fortunately I had the presence of mind to entirely COVID-proof my tent before I began using it. So they cannot enter.
Did you use the rune magic?
Worked a treat for me. Covid proofed the house and they all ran away and interested the neighbors instead. I don't miss them
Yes, rune magic of course, but I also applied some reconstituted tears of dead miners and summoned Niwot's curse upon them, just to be safe.
Its a wise curse so good thinking.
I hop they were the tears od dead crypto miners. They are the best
But of course, what other sort of miner ever would have died, in a place like Colorado?
Sometimes security can go Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo themselves.
ALL security can do that. They are Sierra Hotel India Tango!
Alpha Sierra Sierra Hotel Oscar Lima Echo Sierra everywhere these days...
Indeed!!!
Once when I worked in a car park I had to use a radio and was reporting an accident with a car. I had no idea of this phonetic alphabet nonsense and reported the registration plates as Charlie Oscar 45 .... Kitten Sugar..?
It took a while to live that one down
After working in a call center for far too long, I became proficient in the phonetic alphabet. People have asked if I am a veteran. Nope. But I have done horrible things to sell cell phones, and I suffer wounds from that nightmare to this day...
Oh I feel your pain. I worked in a call centre once a long time ago and it was one of the worst jobs I ever had. The antics they would do to get us to do stuff was beyond compare and they logged everything! One team, thank fully not my own were only allowed five minutes in the toilet in the morning and five in that afternoon. When my team leader mooted the idea once in a team meeting I said, but my morning shits take at least five minutes to even poke their head out and sniff for danger!?
We made one out of foul language when I was bored teenager hanging out in cars. Using some of those words would get you shot in this day and age but that's beside the point. We truly thought some of those payphones we used to buy illicit substances with had someone listening in. If there was, all they'd hear is some maniacs cursing and insulting one another nonstop.
Thats probably what a lot of the people they were trying to catch sounded like. You lot must have been wanted men!
Its funny how some of those words were so common back then, the things you could get hung for nowadays! Social media hung that is :OD
It's nutty. Even some of the old movies have new bleeps. I think I wrote a joke about those bleeps once. How we should have the option, like choosing a ring tone, because I'd rather hear chicken sounds than those godawful bleeps.
Intranet! What a tart. Pen on a string much more sophisticated, especially if the string was held on with an old elastoplast.
At least in the heart days of clipboards and pens on strings things tended to work... Unless that's me just showing my age and thinking that everything was better in the olde days :0D
Its an interesting point you raise. Things absolutely worked but with technology came infinitely more 'choice and flexibility' but with that came more complexity and I think that's where things go wrong, The technology works as it's told to by people who perhaps don't fully understand it!
I see you're a musician. An old analogue 48 track desk and racks of effects or a PC with plug'ins and a little digital mixer? Which would you take?
I'm just old and the pace of technology overtook my ability to keep up with it somewhere around 2003 lol...Now I just accept being in a permanent state of awe and ignorance!
Well, it's funny you should say that. When it comes to music, I think I prefer a pc with plug ins and a studio set up! Only because I have had recording/mixing desks in the past and they have been utter bastards to work. Huge learning curve and crazy un-intuitive bits to get things to do what they are meant to.
On the pc it is all a bit easier. The hard part is making the music!!
Did you go home and self flagellate for your sins against those poor hard working security guards boom? lol. Years ago I had to do my SIA to pick up some extra cash working a door at a shitty night club. The guys on the course (many going on to work as security guards) weren't the brightest. Had temperaments like traffic wardens crossed with convicts. As always a funny read boom.
Thank ya!
When I was a student I did some work for a security company that did Concert stewarding. It was quite easy but man the folk that worked there did not tend to be the sharpest tools in the box. The ones that man reception at my work are the same. Its a shame though, we used to have really nice security folk. But then they outsourced the contract and now we have various randoms that take themselves far too seriously!!
#FuckYourSecurity
#TheyWontDoWhatITellThem!!
#RATM ;0D
Fffffffftttttttttttt as much as I saw that one coming that was still hilarious when we got there 🤣
Now did you make up those “call signs” or is that a thing that was actually happening 🤨
The call signs are the real deal. I have no idea what the N stands for. I heard the big boss security man announce himself as Sierra Charlie so I presume that is Security control or something. But N?? Very peculiar!!
Whatever works and makes them feel better about the job I guess? XD
I bet it's like those jazzy titles they give to folk but never give them a rise to go with it but the title makes them feel all shiny and important.
Actually ,that's annoying. My title has been getting touted as being changed!!!
Someone take her power wand away! Aren't they too important for their britches now? And there are like 6 of them instead of one.
The world has gone crazy.
Did you have a mask on? :))
You have to have a mask United sitting down. It's like a cafe, except for no food, coffee or fun times!! :0)
Ha! That really puts it in perspective. :) I hope this won't be permanant!
Oh aye, me too!!
Excuse me, my dear fellow. Kindly let me clarify one little detail...
Can I find how it looks like in your old publications, sir?
Hahah, yes indeed. It will be there somewhere, deep in the blaze of glory that was the past!!
Youre a friggin boss boom. Treated that lady lol. Dont dare swear a little, or feel her awkward stare!
I studied the high art of gentlemanry and feel that it shows in everything I do! ;OD
Great work thanks for posting😊
And thnk you my friend together we will rule the world! :OD
Yes brother why not I always with you🤗🤗🙌
:O)
See my recent post I hope you loved it
Such an great work...Loved it❣️
Thanks for posting ❤️❤️
And thank you for reading!
OMG..! A SAPO IS MY PRINCES
Indeed!
Ja ja ja 😅
Hi @meesterboom , It seems that they don't miss you at work, what a problem to let you in and that you already got the vaccine, maybe the workers there wanted to use their instruments, I mean the one on November 4, but you got away with it. and you enter very well, that's how it is done
Some people just take things tooo seriously FFS!
They do! Fannies!!!