I lost someone recently.
It wasn't by my choice and there was no discussion, argument or reason of any kind; we were bound together, then not.
I've lost people before; friends and family to death of natural causes, accident and intention and I've lost people who have drifted away for various other reasons. Some have come back (not those who died) but most have not, I guess mainly as I'd moved on and they weren't welcome back due to the changes time brought. It's caused me discomfort, and disappointment though, shaken my trust in others, made me self-reflect and see fault in myself and many other things...but life has moved on even though at times it seemed like the end of all things, so wretched the loss had made me feel.
This time, this loss - I won't go into details as it's private to those concerned - but this time it feels just a little different, like a force, (dare I say it, the universe) has realigned something that had become skewed somehow, warped or off-kilter.
This doesn't mean I feel any better about it - I do not and I feel the loss keenly - however a combination of factors, and that I stepped back far enough to see the bigger picture, has caused me to think more objectively on the situation and to see it from different perspectives.
As humans we are bound to many things; relationships, ideals, emotions, actions, thoughts, pets, routine, habits good and bad, and they can become so intrinsically linked to us as individuals that if torn away can effect us in dramatic and often catastrophic ways - the sudden loss of a close relationship for instance. Like the tide, our lives ebb and flow and sometimes it's powerful enough to break the bonds, the connections we make, and we drift away...but it's still our life, we're still us when drifting, just a different version, and that's important to remember I think.
Having those mooring lines severed, connections unravel, and drifting away from something doesn't mean we need to be aimless and lost even though that's how we often feel; and it doesn't mean we will sink either, although we may. I guess it's important to remember that and to shift one's paradigm, one's thinking, and to look upon the new-found state of being as an opportunity to navigate in new directions towards...who knows what...Maybe something equally valuable and desirable.
Has something in your life drawn to an abrupt close? Was it within or outside of your control? How did you initially feel, how did it effect your thoughts and actions and were you able to turn it to your advantage or not? Don't give away and personal details, but feel free to comment below if you have any thoughts on the topic.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Any images in this post are my own.
Sorry about that, losing relationships is always tough even if it's for the better :<
Anyone that has managed to get through life without some things drawing to an abrupt close is lucky.
I don't think anyone gets through life unscathed and losing people (loss in general) is part of it. People either learn to deal with it or accept that it will probably break them in some way.
Life bra, like you say all part of life. If it happens naturally at a steady pace then we don't feel it as much. It's the abrupt break in bonds that tend to shake things up. When you don't always understand why or what went wrong, and valued a particular relationship. I'm not sure of the details, but I do feel that its a very immature selfish person that does this. And often they hid behind the guise of cutting off toxic relations or putting themselves first. When in actual fact that's what they always do, put themselves first. And when you stop putting them first and put yourself first that's when the problems arise. This has happened to me a few times, and though it pains me because I did find value in the person. Most of the time in the long run it becomes a relief for me. Because I don't need to maintain something that was high maintenance for me to begin with. We all grow constantly, sometimes together. Sometimes not. We can't control decisions people make, but we can control how we feel, and how we move from the situation. So we make peace, take the good with us. And be thankful for the time spent together on our journeys. Lessons learnt, and we move forward. We wish them well. Time everything makes it easier, like it always does.
I've purposely left the details out for obvious reasons.
I don't think I'd disappear from a relationship/friendship, just vanish without a word leaving the other person/people hanging out there in no-mans-land. It seems, I don't know wrong somehow. I guess people have their reasons though and because they're them are entitled to do as they please.
I get what the rest of your comment said, and agree. It doesn't always make loss easier to deal with but maybe that onward journey becomes a little easier as it rolls forward.
I hope you're well and thanks for commenting.
Wasn't referring to you in my comment but rather my experience. People just cutting ties. Has happened to me twice before. So I guess that's how I just made peace with it.
Im doing well, knee deep in abusy weekend again but sunday morning taking but easy.... Next stop lunch!
Sorry, my mistake.
Have a nice lunch and the rest of the weekend too.
We've all been there. But not all of us have always known how to navigate in other directions as soon as we should have, understanding that this bond, fulfilled its purpose and was only untied, to leave us free, but not adrift, but with a long way to go.
There is a "universal" law that says that the void will always be filled.
If only we could turn that feeling of loss into one of motivation, of joy... because life is giving us new possibilities in the infinite field of possibilities.
It's often difficult to see the way forward when caught up in the effects and feelings of loss. Grief after a death can be all-encompassing and even when one has lost a friend one can be left in a state of aimlessness and unable to see perspective. As you say though, we must as there's always a path forward and new possibilities ahead.
Losing a friend or family member because they die is a terrible thing and it is a wound that needs to heal in some way. I am so sorry for your loss, G. For a moment I thought you were talking about a person who moved away from you, but not because of death.
Anyway, sometimes I think that if someone close to us dies, the least he or she would want is to see us trapped in suffering. This is a tough and complicated subject.
I think as we get older we learn to handle loss better too, so that might be part of it. At least some loss, I guess it depends. I'm glad that this one has given you some clarity even though any loss is never smooth sailing.
Clarity can help a lot I think. It's often difficult to see things clearly at first I guess, through the fog of loss. I suppose it all depends on the individual and the circumstances. It's something humans have to deal with though and is often tough.
Loss sucks man, whether it be bereavement, breakups or even the jarring mismatch that can open up between friends. And cats, cats are a curse and a blessing simply because of their shorter life spans.
Not to be flippant... But thank fuck 😀
😁 You make my day hahaha (meow)
Neither I 😅
:O)
Humans have to deal with so much of it (loss) and it's never easy. I know people who have hardened themselves, set up protections, so that it doesn't happen or effect them as much but, of course, that causes them to not have relationships of any meaningful nature I guess. No attachment, no loss.
And yeah, we don't need those dead ones coming back right?
It impacts everything and the tamping down of it more so. Just got to try and deal with it as best as we can.
and let them stay undisturbed...
Every loss causes a lot of pain but sooner or later we get over it and move on, it is the law of life.
Yep, moving on is a good idea.
This is a reflection of what happened some months ago. Sometimes you don't know your close friend that is sincere until your state of living change. Some draw closer to you because of benefit they derived from been close to you like material thing should there be a change to this, they draw from you. Now, they sighted your consistency in what you do now paying and setting you back to where you were before and they believe they can get more thing from you, they try to come back.
I am.not been wicked to turn my back at them, I am affected negatively when they withdraw, leaving me to my faith, and do you know what, I faced it myself, fight for it, and I'm out completely. Get friend closer to me right now, is never a thought though I have friends but not close friend. Experience is the best teacher.... My wife right now is my close friend... My decision make sense?
I'm sorry, I actually can't make much sense of your comment.
Possibly because I am not too open in my comment.
In short, I lost close friend to death and emotionally did not get myself for months.
On a second note, I've lost friend to change of location and the condition within that area deprived me on reaching out to them.
On a last note which I was talking about in my previous comment is, those that are close to me and thought they are friend, but until I got to know there intention I didn't know there plot, this affected me when I separated myself from them... However, I am a jolly good fellow but their coming back to me can never be as a friend.
Sorry for my first comment not too clear.
Loss is difficult to deal with and each of us approaches it differently, we're all different people. I think, no matter the situation or person, that we need to look to the future and see that life goes on. That doesn't mean we have to forget those whole we have lost, but life has to progress.
Thanks for clarifying.
You are very valid, I concur with your submission, one needs to move on! Thanks for your response.
Your pictures and writing have a nice match. I like your posts. I follow you. Like you, I can't take pictures but I will try to write. thank you
Thanks for the follow and all the best with your writing.
I hope you are feeling better. Try to find something which you enjoy doing - if you can. Helps to distract the mind sometimes.
I always feel good, life is precious after all, but I think it's also ok to miss someone right?
Yeah that's totally ok :)
I think It’s something that is part of life, i think that all people have experienced that , at some point in its lives.
In my case a close friend (or so I thought), a friend of many years who changed overnight, for no apparent reason. At first I felt horrible I thought it was my fault and I tried to get closer to fix things, many years together could not end like that (well that’s how it ended) after that I turned that feeling into fuel to improve in my future friendships, in my personal life and in everything I did. Over time life showed me that in 90% of the cases the people who leave and do not come back is because they do not want to and in most cases it is better that way. This was one of those cases.
I know it’s hard but cheer up, mate, everything happens for a reason and what’s to come is sure to be good, you are a good person and life gives you that back, you will see it
People drift in and out of one's life I guess, I'm old enough to have had it happen many times, and I generally move on quite well however that doesn't negate or eliminate the feelings we have when it happens right?
I'm not un-cheered at all actually, but it's probably difficult for you to know that considering you don't know the situation at all. That doesn't mean I don't feel things though, that the loss doesn't effect me. I have a heart after all, contrary to what some believe.
The experience of losing connections and having life take unexpected turns is something many of us face. It's tough to adjust at first, but sometimes those shifts open up new paths we might not have discovered otherwise.
This reminds we of my cousin who died this year in may. She was diagnosed with kidney failure.
When she finally underwent dialysis, we had high hopes that she would live finally. I said finally because we did our best to raise that money. Hive supported a lot too.
Unfortunately, she died.
I published a post this morning in this community about how I saw her in my dream.
My heart still breaks.
People die, it's inevitable for a human being...but knowing that doesn't make it any easier when it happens. Those left alive are left picking up the pieces but the good thing is we have the ability to remember the life of the deceased person, to hold them in our memories. Thanks for sharing your story.
It's indeed not in control. I was in matric when I lost my grandfather. That was first person dying Infront of my eyes. Scenes at home were dramatic and tragic. For even three days, I was like I am out of my conscious zone. Although, tears were stopped but my brain was flashing back to memories and my heart was yarning to see my grandfather. I had so many many memories.
It's those memories that you'll carry with you and which will keep him close to you always.
My grandfather was patient of diabetes and he was also paralyzed so I used to assist him while walking. That memory of holding his hand and walking with him, will always remain entrenched in memories book.
That's the way to do it.
This really hit me hard. I can feel the pain, and reading it seems like you are used to losing people (not saying it in a negative sense). I mean that now you better know how to deal with the discomfort or stress which comes after someone leaves you.
But still my heartfelt best wishes are for you mate. I don't know the personal reasons why they left that is why I can only say this.
As far as I am concerned, I have lost someone but that was the only someone I was having a really close relation with. Still we spend some time together, often we are together, but lost them.
Losing people is inevitable, you'll find out soon enough if you haven't already. It's not always a nice feeling, depending on the relationship, but we have to deal with it, carry on, hold that person in our memory or discard them as appropriate.
I am struggling with a decision whether to cut some major ties in my life. On one hand, I feel duty-bound to help where I can. On the other hand, the strain is causing me to unravel bit by bit. So I cope with indecision through a combination of dark humor and bad puns.
Since you won't go into detail about your loss, I can't really commiserate, and it feels trite to offer condolences across the internet, but for whatever it's worth, the sentiment is there.
I've done the same, struggled with similar decisions so understand to some degree how you may be feeling. Duty, honour and integrity are things that mean something to me so it makes decisions like that a little more complicated although we (I say that generally) have to be true to ourselves and make decisions based around our needs
On the commiseration thing, thanks for saying what you did. I know people just want to say something nice, show some empathy, but it's difficult without the details and perspective which I have purposely omitted. The sentiment is plenty, thank you.
This reminds me of a quote that I heard recently, from Al Pacino -
"You never know what tomorrow brings, you never know what tomorrow takes from you"
Yeah, exactly.
Keep pushing, man! You've experienced way more in life than I have. So, just hang in there, keep your loved ones close, and take good care of yourself.
Yep, life has to move forward right?
As Dory said, just keep swimming...
I have lost many, many, most to death and this year is proving to be quite difficult. Your reflection has left me today, in particular, almost at a loss for words.
It's part of life, I know, but it's hard every time. I have learned something from each loss and to move on.
I'm so sorry for your loss, whatever and however it happened. When someone goes, something of us goes with them but they leave us with the memories, the good memories.
Hugs Galen.
Loss can be difficult to deal with for some, no doubt.
I know people who have expressed a deep-seated fear of losing someone, not through death, just the loss of friendship or relationship...but when those very same people do it to others, just simply disappear...it's ok? Umm, nope, it's not ok. But that's people for you, they have a way of being disgusting assholes.
No, it's not right what they do.... so they were not sincere. Better to stay away from these fake people.
Good morning, @galenkp
This is a particular point that I've been thinking and reflecting about from about 5 year now. I'm 45 (couple of days away I added one more year in the number of turns around the Sun), and since from my 40´s I look back and saw that many things that I consider mine, or that I thought they are supposed to be close to me for my sake, turn out that it wasn't that way. You can say that I've became wiser very late in age. That is a fact that I don't deny, and that I happy that I've "started", no matter if in a elder stage of my short passage through this world/reality.
Nowadays, I look to things, situations, plans, live events in a more broad way. If something isn't mine, well maybe it supposed to never be mine, right? So many times I think that one situation, friendship is the best that could happen to me (in that particular time), but then, after it... It turns out that the situation (that is already part of the past), lead me to another point that was important to see/experience, ect
I like so much to think about this "theme", particularly when I'm on my Nature walks by myself, and trying to be more aware of the present (kind of a mindfulness mode... not perfect one (I know..))
Cheers!
45? You're a young spring chicken! (Kind of) 😉
The things that happen in our lives all teach us things, support who we are and who we will become, even lost relationships or situations; they help shape us. I like that point you made about one thing (that may have ended) leading to another that could equally valuable or be even better. Life rolls on until we die, it's best to move with it right?
Now Mr. Soon to be 45 year old...I hope you have a great day on your 45th and trust me, you're unlikely to feel all that different. 🙄
I have experienced losing a loved one due to an accident, and this is an experience that I will remember forever. At the same time, I lost other loved ones due to natural causes. Losing someone is truly painful, and we will always cherish the memories we had with them. I have also lost someone whom I trusted, and I believed loved me, but they betrayed me with their dishonesty.
It feels like a stab in the back, especially when you never expected someone who sleeps under the same roof as you to deceive you. Would it be painful to think that you accepted them in your house for years and, in the end, treated you and your family as enemies? Some said that they are like demons in disguise, and I thank God for keeping me away from such people.
Losing this kind of person is making me realise I have lost my friends and even some jobs, but I am grateful that I am free from such a person. Losing them was a victory for me because I gained much more than before. I guess they can see my potential, which is why they didn't want to hire me to work with them when I was with him. I am better without him.
It's important to remember that we will always have the memories of the relationships, the people, when they are gone but in int moment of loss of grief it's often easy to be overwhelmed. Losing someone who betrayed you...well, that's a good loss although I assume (I know because we talked a little about it) that it was very hard for you, especially moving forward with others.
Gratitude takes many forms, but feeling grateful for losing negative influences/influencers from one's life is righteous.
I hope you're well.
This is the fourth time someone has told me this. They even said it would be replaced with something better, and I claim it. I don't need to chase them down; they'll come to me on their own. All the right people and the right opportunity come knocking on my door. I'm so grateful to God. 🙏😍
You'll attract the right people by being the right person, liking and valuing yourself.
I think losing someone, whether permanently or through drifting apart, is a constant part of life. People grow up, change along the way, and eventually die. Throughout that basic process the changes can cause disagreements or opposing values and it can cause relationships to weaken. For me, I think a death of a family member is the most difficult. I think that was one of the triggers for my downward spiral in depression.
I agree with you.
I thought the death of a family member was the worst as it was the first I came to experience as a child but I've learned differently over time. There's so many factors that come into play I guess.
A downward spiral is often the result of loss be it friendship, job, death or anything else; it's something we all need to deal with though and I've worked towards having some tosols in the toolbox to deal with it when it comes along. That's not to say it's preventable though, it often isn't. It comes with being human.
I've lost a few friendships in the last few years. Just because they're comfortable and warm like those old slippers; doesn't mean they should last forever.
Sure it's over; but it still happened. They still kept my feet warm for a season. I can still be grateful for that.
Yeah you're right, nothing lasts forever, and sometimes the comfort or benefit of something having happened in the first place can go some way towards mitigating the ill-effects of the loss of it. Losing a pet is one such example.