I read a post by @amiramnoam yesterday that made me rage. I don't often rage, but when I do? I start typing. A lot. His post, titled "A few tips for the amateurs for good dates, how to attract the women on the other side of the table", was full of rather pretentious and ineffective advice for "amateurs" at "attracting" women. I replied to that post with quite a bit of anger, but now that I have calmed my tits down, I can give some insight in a post of my own.
You don't have to read the post linked above to benefit from my insight, but if you do - just know that I disagree with every single word. No offence, @amiramnoam , you know I love you.
Dating as a profession
First of all, I am not sure what the difference is between an amateur and a professional in this regard. To me, a person who treats relationships as a job and the number of women he had sex with as a kind of trophy, is a rather sad person. They may not go to sleep alone, but they are lonely and disconnected, often unable to have a stable relationship as they are on a constant race to add more conquests to their list.
I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy. Some of them, having written bullshit guides and crappy best-sellers, ended up getting married and having kids at a younger age than most of their readers.
Does that mean they're "professionals"? Or perhaps, retired professionals? More importantly, what is it that made them stop skipping from one girl's bed to the next, and finding the love of their lives? My guess? They met someone they didn't perceive the way they perceive other potential partners.
The simple truth
If you look around you, you might find that those who attract more female attention and achieve this so-called "success" with women are those who are generally more successful. You may claim that it is their overall success that attracts women, but I beg to differ. Women are drawn to power, but so are men. Women are drawn to money and luxury, but who isn't? Maybe buddhist monks.
Perhaps it is my perspective as pansexual that causes me to see relationships the way I do. My attraction is pretty gender-blind - I am attracted to people, not reproductive systems and so I date men, women and genderqueer persons. Perhaps that is why I wholeheartedly believe that:
To succeed with women, stop trying to succeed with WOMEN. Try succeeding with PEOPLE instead.
Just one little warning, though: this might make you a feminist by definition.
Now you might be thinking "But men and women are different!"
We are. Every woman is different, just as any man is different. There is no one recipe or magic trick to attracting women or men. Being attractive is about successfully drawing positive attention from those you want to attract.
Here is an example. Consider how you would interact with a person who was interviewing you for a magazine article. Now consider how you would interact with that person on a date, since they happen to be of the gender you are attracted to. You might think your goals are different in these situations, but they really aren't. Your goal is to impress the person sitting across from you. To interest, fascinate and draw in whoever you choose to whether you're trying to get a job or a blowjob.
Why you should look past gender
One of the main reasons most pickup books and courses don't really work is that things aren't quite what they used to be. As gender norms shift and change, some find themselves lost in attempt to attract the attention of the opposite sex with outdated "tricks" and behaviors that might end up having unwanted consequences. Many miss them olden times when ladies were ladies and men were men, and the days when courting was a fairly straight-forward ritual, in which the women were usually passive and men aggressive.
Nostalgia is all good and fine, but times they are a-changing. If 100 years ago traits like aggression and physical strength were desirable in a male companion, more and more women today seek out men that are superior in intelligence and emotionally mature. Sure, we still like a man to be good-looking and fit, but looks or physical strength are not the traits necessary for overall success in 2018. So it's no wonder more and more women are looking to date sensitive nerds over macho bodybuilders.
But aren't women still different from men because of biology?
No, we really aren't. We're not some magical riddle wrapped in an enigma and our farts smell as bad as yours. We're people, just like you, except our hormonal balance is different. And you know what? While you're sitting there, on your first date, wondering what to say or do to impress? The woman sitting across from you is doing the same exact thing. And she's just as anxious and uncertain. Perhaps more, as our gender is more likely to get raped on a date than yours. Sad but true - rape statistics are making your date nervous.
So put away all those pick-up artists nonsense tips and tricks and focus on learning two things: communicating effectively (which is a helpful skill in success in everything) and seeing beyond your date's gender (and your goals to get laid).
I fully expect many to disagree, and am looking forward to a discussion in the comments!
Notes and extras:
Merry Christmas to those of you Steeming through the holidays! May love and light fill your homes and hearts today and all year long.
This is so epic and beautiful!!!!! I think from your analogy "think of it like an interview".
If you want to "win" in the dating interview
If you are honest with yourself and what you like you will find the right company and that company will find you.
Important pre- interview : you must apply for many companies that suit you. Get to know them first. Where can you find them? Anyplace where similar interests can be found. How to approach? Ask questions. Smile. Be friendly.
Girl, this sounds like the start of a post. Title: Acing the most important interview of your life
Haha . Lol. If only i could takd me own advice. I am terrible at interviews and also dates!! Lol.
I've actually gotten better at dates since I got married.
If i were to do it it would involve drawrings and comedy.
DO IT!!!
Merry Christmas guys! Check out my Christmas article for you
https://steemit.com/christmas/@basonrich/reach-out-now-now-is-the-time-20171224t223616623z
And
https://steemit.com/minnowsupport/@basonrich/seven-keys-to-having-a-magical-christmas-ever-20171225t43634139z
Personally, I think pick-up artists and garbage men should switch descriptions, more accurate imho
lololol
Perfect. Yes.
I loved the statement you made about "not trying to succeed with women, but succeed with people". That is honestly the best way to go about life and great words of encouragement for people that are struggling in this regard.
<3
Thank you!
Wrote a followup post: https://steemit.com/love/@didic/how-to-succeed-with-women-with-hamilton-gifs
"I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy" it is true, I have a friend who does it and he is happy.
Well, I am happy for him. Still seems like a very lonely existence. Perhaps it's what some prefer.
But you have a nice post. Thumbs up
Before that though, the very first step of success would be to actually notice people that are interested in you. I guarantee that everyone on this planer has someone interested in them, and they don't know it.
Yessssssss. And stop looking for them in bars!!! 🙈
Ermahgerd @limabeing, YES! I mean, okay, I met my husband of 13 years in a bar. He was working the door and I'd gone there to celebrate a job offer coming through, but I wasn't looking for longterm relationships through the bar/club scene. I have a 'friend' who has spent the past decade bemoaning his inability to find a woman who is family oriented, wants to settle down and have kids, can hold an intelligent conversation, and is faithful. This same 'friend' meets every woman he beds in clubs, drunk, high, and the first thing he has to tell you about her is her tit size. Oh! And if she doesn't "put out" the first night he doesn't bother calling her again. Fine, if what you're looking or is an excellent set of knockers that's usually drunk and always easy. But don't come crying to me when that criteria doesn't net you Donna fucking Reed!
You know where I found the hotness that is @poet ? Online argument about smoking laws in Israel. I pissed him off something wicked. And now his mine, and I am his, and I don't smoke cigarettes anymore.
Well, that depends. If you really like going to bars, and not just to try and pick up partners, then you could potentially meet someone that matches your interests in a bar.
If you like board games though, go to a board game meetup. Like yoga? Go do yoga. Like poetry? going to a poetry reading.
Very likely, that. And requires some confidence.
Very well written. I can't really add much more other than we as humanity are lagging far behind in many issues, like gender equality. "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people". You can't say it better. We are all humans after all, but media, education, religions, advertisement, society are subtly or not-so-subtly reinforcing the old notions of separation and female servitude. :'(
Love the last picture, it seems like an easter egg to me cause it can be interpreted in many ways and fits the article perfectly.
Ah, I was hoping someone would get the last picture. <3
I love this article. I hate this notion of women as mysterious creatures that need to be conquered. Women are people. And yes, you may be attracted to me because I have tits and a vagina, but if you don't treat me like a person, then you are doomed from the start. I agree that we have to move on from the old fashioned notion that men somehow rule over women and that if men follow a long list of tips, they can "make" a woman have sex with them. Because that is what these "dating tips" always comes down to. Not whether you can find someone to spend you life with but whether you can get the woman in bed.
wisdom right here!
Well I totally agree with you... What he wrote is just a bullshit... Everyone has emotions... and playing with emotions is not good... If someone writes a guide on playing with peoples emotions their sentiments, he is totally wrong... And the women out their should also understand whom they should be driven to luxury or a good person.... you know demand and supply... This is natures law I guess what most of the women will demand the guys will automatically be changing to that ... No one likes to live alone.... :) and I know what it feels like when you are alone... and everyone else runs to luxuries leaving you alone.... :(
excellent post @techslut - clear thinking well stated! I like to also add to what you've said here that if you want to attract someone, be attractive to yourself, create a life for yourself that you are genuinely interested in. We humans are attracted to people who like themselves, who are engaged in life, who have substance. Happy holidays @techslut and thanks for putting your rage into such a coherent piece!
Exactly. There's nothing more attractive than confidence. Real, based non-flamboyant solidity of character.
Ok. Can I confess something?
I was sure this will be a boring generic moneygrabbing post. I opened it just to have that nice feeling of being right, you know it? The feeling of AHA!!! I knew it.
I was also curious.
Then I started reading :)
You, dear techslut, have a new fan!
<3
I love posting clickbait titles and writing a post with actual value. Just to troll everyone. :)
I am stealing this technique...it is mine now...I'll share the next one :D
You can't steal it if I openly and happily share it. :)
I said it.
I meant it.
I'm here to represent it. ( not sure If I'm doing it right!)
https://steemit.com/fun/@razvanelulmarin/merry-christmas-from-steemit-check-these-hilarious-gifs
Lacks the post value bit. :P
I will need some serious ALOE for this BURN! :))
It has entertaining value!!!
It's GOLD! :P
"If you look around you, you might find that those who attract more female attention and achieve this so-called "success" with women are those who are generally more successful. You may claim that it is their overall success that attracts women, but I beg to differ. Women are drawn to power, but so are men." I would like to liken this to people are drawn to the alpha in the group. So if your goal is to land a job then one must appear assertive and confident. If the goal is to land a BJ the same is true as well, one must appear assertive and confident.
I found it hard to read the article that you were referring to as the grammar was somewhat upsetting. (No offense to the bloggers who do not speak English as a first language) I skimmed through a bit of it and found that it was extremely generic and did not offer much in terms of what to do after the Ice-breaker.
I will have to go back and read some of your other posts and gain some more background on you as you seem really interesting.
The concept of Alphas has been long debunked. There's no such thing. Google it.
I am a content editor so it wasn't easy for me either. I'll keep reminding the guys in the Israeli group of the wonders of grammar.ly till it sticks. Or till Steemit adds right-to-left support and they can write in Hebrew instead.
Me? Interesting? Nah. Just your average trilingual polyamorous pink Jew who types a lot. <3
Some of these principles helped me to conquer my wife.
Or perhaps it is she who conquered you? ;)
It is important that we love each other
lolll😆
I think it is healthy to think that he "married up" in thus the phrase conquered her. Kinda sexist? yes but honest
I love this! I think a lot of people would benefit from reading this to be honest. In Sweden dating kind of sucks since our whole "culture" involves us not talking to people we do not know UNLESS we are drunk enough for it. This actually made me want to write about swedes and dating so thank you for the inspiration <3
Wow. I couldn't agree more. Especially the part of dating and talking to a person.
People (and mostly men) often look at women differently just because of their gender, it hurts and damaging not only in dating, but in every aspect.
קראתי את זה וממש התלהבתי. ממש עלה לי הניסיון אחרי הקריאה הזאת.
אין על אילנה בעולם!
כל הכבוד
זה לא ניסיון, זה ידע. ניסיון זה אחרי שתנסה כמה פעמים. :)
"I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy. Some of them, having written bullshit guides and crappy best-sellers, ended up getting married and having kids at a younger age than most of their readers."
And to quote the words they like to use many ended up also "divorce raped" XD
My tip to dating is just be yourself, don't try to impress, and have fun like you would do with any other stranger. If it works, it works, if not who cares
Ok, now I'm confused. If I don't look at the tits part and see only a human, I might go crazy and become a solosexual. End Joke.
Tonight I'll try some new techniques observed in your writing :)
Accepting your confusion is the first step to making some sense out of relationships.
@techslut
first resteemed !
second thing, you made me smile the whole time reading! <3
ok ,so I totally agree with what you are saying ,but on the other hand...
lets imagine a nerd guy who hasn't kissed any girl for a longgg
time! and his self-confidence about himself is so low that only success on a few dates will help him get out from this loop(of "im suck! girls hate me!")
there are lot of them, so let me tell you im not a trainer in the art of seduction!
but guys like this need some technique .
I know friends that had really hard time with the other gender! and yes they needed some tips.
actually I know a sweet guy which he is "himself " at 100% but he don't know how to turn on his wife (he loves her) and She got divorced from him and as excuse she said " i'm not attracting to him".
so what you are saying is Absolutely true but also definitely not true.
soo in conclusion ...
the goal is being yourself.. feel fine with yourself
Concentrate on communication
But some people find it hard for them to even communicate with their gender and need a special technique.
so try to understand :P
So let's agree that we do not agree ;)
Or it could make it worse. A few awkward dates might just make him hate himself more because he just sits there scared or tries to follow some tricks that stopped working 30 years ago. It's foolish.
Correct. And these people need to learn to communicate with PEOPLE not just the opposite gender. As for your friend - couples have issues. And those issues are not usually solved by pick-up artists, but rather by couple's counselors. It's not about the gender thing, but rather about communication within a relationship. Which they appeared to have lost.
We can surely disagree, and I still love you, but your views on courtship and relationships are long past their expiration date. :P
correct but you can not ignore from the differences 100%...
communicate with a guy it's not like communicate with a girl.. (It is clear that every woman is a full world.)
And every man is a full world! Aren't you? You're not half a world! :P
There are differences between people. Trying to categorize and generalize might seem like a good solution because it's easier on the brain, but it really isn't. There's no recipe for a good relationship or a good date, because ingredients are always different.
Thank you, entertaining and insightful as usual.
But there was no mention of androids! (as in robots, not phones)
There is interesting work being done by Hiroshi Ishiguro to understand the uncanny valley and what it means to be human. A direct (or side) effect are some very anatomically correct droids. He raises questions that challenge our notion of human and or nonhuman interaction and why. It seems that we humans don't quite know what it means to be "human"!
Anyway, it just seemed to add a new dimension to the insight and intrigue which is "techslut."
Realdolls, they are called. I find them to be an amazing solution to human trafficking and the sex industry. There's actually a place in Israel where one can spend time with a realdoll, and if he likes her, can cough up a couple of thousands of dollars to take her home. The dick doesn't care about uncanny, apparently. :P
You're referring to the sex dolls; I'm referring to androids!
They move, talk, "think", etc.
They are research tools to date but of course the sexual exploitation is an obvious next step.
There was an article in WIRED a few months back that gives a great overview of Ishiguro's work.
His goal is to remove the uncanny valley from robots.
Think Aida in Agents of Shield; without the glitches!
Hehe. We're not far from it. Have you watched "Humans"? It's a well done show. At least the first season.
So, you claim to decry pickup artists and their tips, but you're giving us tips that'd help us on dates?
Ducks!
As for pickup artists, I believe that for most of them, they're looking for those conquests because they are unhappy, and that filling successful, and respected, by others, at some point helps them feel content, at which point they can settle - because they now love themselves, and thus are ready to love others.
I was trying to give a general tip for life, not just dates. But as a reply to a list of such tips, I kinda had to.
And I agree with your theory regarding pickup "artists".
Great job, honey. I also agree with feminism. In my country, very strong Patriarchy. I want it to stop. I want to feel safe, to live in my choice, to do what I like, and not what society dictates. I want women in my country have ceased to die as a result of domestic violence. It's very sad. Many people are suffering husbands tyrants. Because they do not have financial independence. In Russia the woman's career dies in the moment when her child is born. It needs to stop. So I'm struggling!
I was born in the USSR and my mother thinks husbands should beat their wives into submission and women should focus on childrearing and have a job but only if it doesn't interfere with raising kids. I am happy my mom doesn't make my life decisions for me. :)
Yes, the idea is firmly lodged in the minds of our society. Now I'm trying to explain to Russian women that is not correct. But many do not want to change anything in your life. They used to please men. they do not believe that it should be otherwise. Violence perceived as the norm. And the woman as servant and sexual object. But the sad fact is that women are against other women. To get the approval of men. In General, in Russia, the feminists have a lot of work.
Russia is lagging behind the world in many ways. Homosexuals, women and children are still victims of old-fashioned Soviet thinking. Which is why I am kinda grateful my mom moved us here when I was little. Israel has it's issues, but at least we have a pride parade and a law against wife-beating that is actually enforced.
Behind every successful man indeed there is a woman
Well then - I always felt I'm a feminist - so I am really glad to read your post with its smart words that i hope will come to be trivial - it makes me even more feminist than I was.
מתחבר לפוסט שלך, תפיסת העולם שלי דומה.
Come to girlpowa?
I should drag @noogler there. She'd fit right in.
Mm... what is girlpowa? Also I am a male, so even though I'm a feminist I might not be accepted in a thing called "girl"etc.. 😓
Behind Every successful man there is a woman
With a strap-on.
ahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahahahhahaahv
I should have named my strap-on "Dik Dik". :P
From experience, real happiness comes from a true and a healthy relationship. And for the gender norms, some of the "new genders" are just too weird for me.
I am the opposite. All gender are weird to me. It's an odd social construct.
to sum up, you are saying that man and woman are the same. and we should see a woman as she is the same sex as us.
I don't agree with that, because woman often makes no sense, and nothing we'll do will change that.
I don't like pickup "artists" as well.
But it's a fact that woman acts different from us, man. and they are harder to understand.
I'm always talking to woman the same as I would talk to my male friend, But I understand people who doesn't, and I know why they do this.
My friend is always making Jokes and being really dominant in our group of friends, but when there are girls involved, He's acting different, not making any stupid jokes, but he's still the same guy, dominant, Just not telling any jokes. Acting a bit more serious.
Anyway, I agree with you on some parts and don't agree on some parts.
What a comment post tho!
Because men make more sense?! Hell no! I don't know if it's your bad experience with women or my bad experience with men, but we make about the same amount of sense.
Nope. Some people are harder to read. Some are easier. If you can't understand women, you can't understand men either.
It's okay to disagree, but also be open to other opinions. I think that friend of yours would really benefit from some gender-blindness.
And thank you for your comment! <3
I think it may be both. and It's not just that. I can see that from my sister and my mother as well. Sometimes they make no sense, they get angry over nothing.
I can understand men, and I can sometime understand woman, but most of them are hard to understand. or at least that's my experience.
And yes, I totally agree with you. I'm always open for discussion and open to hearing other opinions.
NO! Thank you for the outstanding post. You should do it more often.
I barely have time to write. You know that. I spend my time teaching noobs and making comments. :)
1.It's not. It was just another example I added.
And the noobs are thankful. :)
There's nothing wrong with being gay or emotional. I am both. :)
as a religious guy, I agree with you. which might sound shocking to you.
Why?
Because society spread that religious Jews hates gays. which isn't true. only the extremist.
Anyway, I'm going off-topic, to sum up - I agree with you.
Everything is relative dear hehe
but yeah we are sometimes are to understand as well..
I hated the pressures of dating although I really liked girls. I was happy to settle down and have been happily married now for 45 years.
I hated the pressures of dating so much I simply met with people and didn't call it dates. :)
wall there is nothing to say about this article it was truly amazing and beautiful . but i would say that you have wrote an wander full article about man and women relation loved it keep posting be happy
Thank you good post
I havent found any girl yet :( can you help me ??
www.okcupid.com
Good luck!
I have three significant others and @sirlunchthehost is my steemit boyfriend (at least for now). I haven't touched my account on OKcupid for over a year. And even then, it was to check compatibility with my CURRENT significant others.
That's kinda true about me. Terror and comfort. You can look me up on the steemit discords and ask me anything. Social taboos can't touch me.
Are you looking to get punched in the cock? Cause that's how you get punched in the cock.
Waooooooo! I hope you are not taking offence on the gentleman, because I followed his tips on how to toast a lady. He has given his own tips and you have also given yours, we the steemians have benefitted from both of you so no quams. I follow and upbote.
Taking offence? Nah. We're friends. Even when we disagree.
I like your post a lot and i hate the kind of books and article about tips to attract someone, i feel this cold and unrealistic, we are not a number or a gender, we are all different do not exist tips >.<
Amazing post and quite detailed I must say haha. I agree, Men and women should cooperate and build an amazing relationship.
Upvoted! Three Words....YOU. GO. GURL!
One of the biggest things to avoid is to talking about women but not to women.
Totally awesome stuff, had me nodding in agreement and laughing out loud too.
haha, still laughing, sorry!
I've not read the post in question, but yeah, I'm in agreement with you.
I opt for trying to be light and humorous, and if i'm not funny, so be-it. 'Guides' on this subject are just balls. Be yourself, and if that isn't enough, tough - at least you have porn.
Nice one!
Or just be a better you. I see that as a goal in life regardless of anything else. I try to be a better me. If you are not "enough" to others, you should check if you're "enough" for yourself.
mmyes, very true.
I don't like to walk around self-assessing my actions too much though, this can become an unnecessary obstacle if done too often!
It's not about asserting it's about knowing and understanding that you are imperfect. And in some ways it is what makes you unique. And in others, it shows you how you can grow to be a better you. A fuller you. Hence, a more attractive you.
what do you think about people dating artificial intelligence?
Well, the movie HER is about that. I think it's interesting.
i agree with you... i will advice guys to be confident, calm, caring and above all "praise" women love praise.
Have you ever met a MAN who doesn't love praise? Me neither. :)
all human love to be praise but i will say women want it more lol.
the kind of praise i mean is that women love sweet words like
Sorry, I disagree. That is not praise. Those are expressions of neediness and dependence, for the most part.
And no, women do not "want it more". That is a foolish myth that assumes women naturally lack confidence and so their level of happiness depends on how much a man needs, wants and approves of them.
this argument is getting interesting @techslut i respect women right and i am not against it at all.
what more can i say your passion for women's right is liberating. i am following you now hope to see more of your post....keep up the good work @techslut.
Compliments are always nice, whoever they come from....
Speaking of which...I was going to reply on her, but my comment went off topic a little, and more into an attack on your logic ! oops.
Here is a link to my post - (there are some compliments in it, - you will have to look closely...)
It is a logical breakdown of weaknesses in your position, as I see it.
It's not personal... I like you, honest.
Any comments are more than welcomed on my post. I like fiery debate!
I didn't want to post on your feed - it didn't seem nice..
https://steemit.com/blog/@lucylin/disecting-the-weakness-of-arguments
I cannot upvote anymore I think :( I try to upvote and resteem to keep this post up for longer but it is not working , you should have asked me sooner :(
I will vote some of your other posts and hopefully that is helpful too
It's okay! To me, a comment is worth more than an upvote. :)
the reestem worked ,yey
also my opinion about this post is that we shouldn't even loose our beautiful energy to fight against stupidity because stupidity will never be enlighten and usual it's solves itself. Man that treat women like trophies will get only trophies and will never know what they are missing
Some women are driven to become trophies because they start believing it's what they should do. It's complicated. :)
yes , let's say I am not strong enough to be a fighter, but than I am glad for people like you
philosophically- woman is nature and adaptability is her best trade, so you are right .... hmmm very complicated
again , thank you for fighting
I only fight when I have my pink boxing gloves on. This isn't fighting. It's the opposite. I am trying to bridge a gap to prevent fighting.
Some posts just need a short comment: YES! \0/
So Sweet Post
I tried but fuck, I'm shy and awkward and super quiet. What do I do?
Find girls who are into that. :)
The only thing I found to be super easy and consistent success is: You've got to be willing to talk to women in places where they are actively trying to find a man.