4 years ago I met a guy online, we hung out 3 times, and on the third time he raped me.
At this point, I only remember the guy's first name, and can't even find him on the internet.
I met this guy off of okcupid. I had him over a few times. We would have drinks together, chat, he met my friends, he was fun, attractive, and seemed like a genuinely good person. I had made it clear to him that I wasn't ready to have sex with anyone and just wanted to hang out for now and see where it goes. The third time we got together was at a gathering at my place. I think about 5 or 6 of my friends were there. I had a bit to drink, he also gave me drinks, and to this day I question whether he drugged me because of how complete passed out I became.
I woke up the next day with my pants pulled down, and my shirt lifted up. I couldn't remember anything. I felt gross, I felt ashamed. This was far from my first time being raped as I have a history of molestation and rape growing up so I tried to simply push it out of my mind and move on with my life. I didn't pursue taking him to court because I know how it turns out when a woman (especially with a history of drinking) gets drunk and get raped (by a star college pupil) with no witness and no sign of struggle and I didn't want to go through that. I just wanted to live my life.
I would find out later when I finally opened up to my friends about the rape that the bastard walked past my friends to the front door, turned around and winked and smiled at them, and left. They were confused but didn't think too much of it until later.
After 6 weeks I started to get worried about my late period. I hadn't had sex with anyone in months, so I knew if I were pregnant it was with that rapist's baby.
My friend Beffy happened to have a TON of pregnancy tests. I was at her place when the panic hit me, messaging her on facebook. She informed me of the tests and told me to take one to ease my mind. I took one and to my horror, it was positive. They were cheap tests so I took another, and another, and another. I think I took literally 6 tests before I realized I was really pregnant and started to panic. I had no birth certificate and no social security card. It'd take a long time to get those things, possibly long enough that I could not legally get an abortion. I began sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of being forced to carry this "rape baby" to term.
Beffy told me she had ordered an abortion pill off the black market and then ended up not needing it because she had a miscarriage.
I was relieved but skeptical. Until I had the pill in my hand I wouldn't believe it. Actually until I had a negative test after having taken the pill I wouldn't believe it. Beffy came home and tore her entire place apart looking for that pill as I sat in the room panicking and thinking it was lost forever. She found it! I took the pill and waited. She was going to go to a party but after a bit of debating decided she definitely should stay with me and not have me do this alone. Which was good because the next 6 hours were the most painful in my life.
It started off just feeling like regular menstrual cramping but after a few hours I was crying and sweating in bed. I was feverish, I was gushing blood and I was in so much pain. Beffy got me a hot rice sock and soup (what a sweetheart) and sat with me in bed but eventually I had to move to the bathtub. The entire tub became filled with so much blood and large clots. And I stayed in it for hours sweating and crying until the pain eventually started to subside. I ended up laying in bed, with a pad, and a hot rice sock and miso soup until I finally got some rest.
Surprisingly, when it was over I found myself crying about the baby. I have always been pro-choice and especially get passionate about the rights of victims to have access to abortions but I couldn't help thinking of the baby. I looked up how it would look at 7 weeks and I cried. I never plan to have kids so extinguishing a would-be baby before it formed struck some sort of nerve, and maybe I was hormonal. But I definitely grieved the baby for the next few weeks.
I never confronted that guy and now that I feel like I want to, I can't because I cannot remember his last name. I blocked it out entirely. I don't think of it too often now, honestly. I have gotten over it pretty well and moved on with my life at this point but I wanted to share my story for anyone else who may be afraid to come forward. Or who just needs to read a story that can give them a sense of solidarity.
I haven't told this story to a lot of people. Many of my friends may not even know. I have never publicly posted about it. I am shaking as I finish writing this but I am ready to confront what happened.
I'm a guy I can't relate to your experience. I probably can't even add any value to this discussion. But I can empathize, it must have been incredibly cathartic to get this out there. From the end of your post you say 'I am shaking as I finish' - good! Get it out of your system, move on, grow as a person.
You've shown a huge amount of courage to let go and for that I commend and admire you (even though I don't share the same experience).
I mean 'fuck it' - let loose, you can share your experiences with others, grow and develop from it, get paid to do it... and come out stronger, go for it!
I don't mean to be offensive and if I have been I apologize.
This is evidently a very male response, I'm just trying to grab onto the strength of your post and amplify it.
You must not have read some of the other male responses which were victim blaming. This one is refreshing and not at all offensive. This one is honest. Thank you. :)
What a moving story. Shame on those that are giving you grief or mocking you in any way - it's immature, but more importantly, loathsome.
I continue to be stunned by the lack of empathy in both the physical and electronic world.
I hope your sharing of it brings you peace.
Thank you so much. Sharing it does help. And continuing to share even after being shamed only makes me stronger. :D <3
you've restored my hope, thank you.
Coming out with your story is empowering.
I'm glad you've been able to write about your experience and grow past it. Some people live their whole lives feeling de-valued or broken after such an event.
Best to talk to someone after something like this. Suffering in silence is terrible.
Thank you. I talked to a few close friends but did feel shame and devalued and comments above are why but I am feeling very strong lately and coming out about all my abuse. Two girls came to me and told me they are now going to talk about their rape and one girl called me her hero. Those reactions will always outweigh the people that try to blame me. :)
You are doing a fine job. I'm proud of you. Use your golden tickets to get something nice. You have done the work that will continue the lines of hope. 🎂
Thanks. I will. :D I have been wanting cat ears and a tail!!! :D Maybe I will get that with this. Do you have an opinion on converting to STEEM. I have been doing that with like 6% of my earnings.
but you can get a much better rate selling Steem Dollars for Steem on internal market then moving that STEEM to bittrex and selling it for BTC there. Lose less than 5%-10% usually vs 30% at blocktrades. @tuck-Fheman
I cant figure out how to use the internal maaaarket. lol I converted liek $16 to STEEM from my wallet so far but am not sure if its even useful. I was going to convert it to steem power. I seem to be getting a lot more of that without trying tho. I am confused what STEEM is for.
Because Lauralemons has experienced more unwarranted verbal grief from some of the people commenting, she is being rewarded with 50 SD as compensation for her discomfort and her courage to bring up such a raw and terrible reality.
You just changed my day dramatically. I was shaky and fighting off cries most of the day after posting this. Not just from these comments but people on fb too. Thank you. You seeing this and doing something to make my day helps more than you realize. More that 50 SD even. Like you changed my life even beyond the awesomeness of the 50 SD just by getting it and seeing the oppression and doing something . <3 <3 <3
That is my job. I was also abused about 4 times and I'm a very strong, intelligent person. I was victimized as a 4 year old girl for the first time, then a male friend molested me while I had fallen asleep. And as an adult I experienced the worst of all: a sociopath who had a double personality: the one he projected to world was peace loving God-fearing Martial Arts master and the real personality was a psychopathic violent criminal. I realized after 9 months but by then it was too late. I was pregnant. So guess what, I got to live through the horror of realizing that the person who had impregnated me was an evil person. I kicked him out of my house 2 days after baby was born in order to save me and my child from a life of terror. I was a trusting, loving person and I didn't know about sociopaths. I learned perhaps the greatest lesson of my life with that and it has increased my capacity to help heal those who have suffered at the hands of very sick people. You are the original love and hope of this world.
Aw, thank you for telling me your story. <3 :') People are telling me how strong I am for sharing and how I give them courage to share and it keeps me going but if I am honest I become a mess when I get comments blaming me still. You really did change my perspective today. I was kinda bitter and jaded from some of these comments and you restored my faith in humanity. ^_^
We live in a rape culture. Ignorance is also rampant. Empathy is devalued. It's possible to create a better world and it requires that we all stand up for those who cannot defend themselves. We need to be strong to pull this off.
" I was crying and sweating in bed. I was feverish, I was gushing blood "
I'm proud of you. I'd like more concrete details about those pills. I think access is very important. You're amazing.
It looks like another golden ticket is coming your way.
Congratulations dear.
I am definitely seeing a trend here. The males are siding with the rapist and the females are siding with the victim. Gee.........oK,that trend has seemed to change since last looking at this. It's no longer being divided along those lines.
I see you have edited, but its a shame that a small minority of ***holes can appear to be a larger faction than they are. I think its partly because its so offensive ugly and we'd like to hope it wasn't even as common as that ,even if it is only 2 people, that its very noticeable.
I understand what you're saying, but I will share that personally I don't feel its fair or accurate or helpful to assume males are siding with the rapist, but I know you were just commenting on what you noticed, and made a note that it changed.
yes, I too am imperfect. Being fair and balanced is what I strive for. But I suppose my past mind-control programming is still wreaking havoc. I do not like making people feel bad. But I also want to create a place where people will not be abused emotionally.
yeah, it happens. I have definitely had times I shared my stories and got tons of hate from mostly males and no defense depending on the forum and it seemed like that was happening when you posted. And as female victims its easy for that to hurt and jade us but I am so glad to see its not the norm. :)
Cannot agree with you on that. A small percentage will never define a trend and there are more people who identify with the victim than not. And the change you see is because more of us coming across this post now and do sympathise with the OP.
I am really happy for that change! :D It makes me feel a lot better about humanity. <3
very interesting
I think the guy must be punished, long time in the jail
THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR RAPE ARE RAPISTS PERIOD.
what the fuck????
@lauralemons I wish you Godspeed on your healing journey.
Thank you so much, <3333333 :D
Really courageous of you. Its brave that you've not broken down and instead to come out and talk is really nice. The guy should be punished IMHO. And definitely you are not the only person.
Thank you. :) So happy to wake up to all these supportive comments. :)
Wow there are a lot of sick people in this world geez. Sorry to hear your story.
Aren't there just? Thank you.
This makes me so fucking angry! I hate the way courts deal with this and the way we have this perception in society that it's somehow the woman's fault.
IT IS NOT!!!!
I have been drunk countless times around women, I have been drunk and have been asked to stop in the middle of sex. Guess what? I did.
Should I be given a medal for that? NO!!!! This is normal behaviour.
So when people and I include some of the people in this comment section; say that perhaps, maybe subconsciously, the woman was asking for it.
FUCK OFF!!! YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!!!
A woman has a right, not to be raped, end of discussion.
CG
Thank you! <3333
I hate the fact that people often victim blame if the woman was drinking when the people blaming have almost always been drinking around people themselves and are men who havent been raped. I bet their tone would change if they had to worry about waking up with a sore ass any time they got drunk with anyone.
I really detracts from the problem to blame the woman drinking. Why not admit a lot of women are getting raped and something, like the god damn laws, need to be changed.
Just look at the case with the swimmer, whose going to serve like 3 months and HAD witnesses, 2 of them, that were sobbing over what they saw? It's cases like that that make a person like me with 0 evidence who had drinks very unlikely to go to court, where I will be interrogated and treated like some sort of crazed fiend because I had a drink with a guy.
Anywho, thank you for your comment and for being a sane person that doesn't rape people and doesn't want a medal for it. haha
Wow. Thank you for pushing through the fear and anxiety in order to be vulnerable and share your story. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, both this specific rape and the rape/molestation as you grew up :(
That statistic you have there about 1 in 4 women in college being raped is absolute bullshit.
Go to the Congo or the ghettos in South Africa, and you will see the reality of a society where 25% of women are (almost/or) raped.
You mock the true victims by spreading such bullshit.
Have you ever wondered why it is that you seem to end up with all the crazy rapist psychos? 99.99% of the men out there don't rape, yet you have story after story after story after story ... what are you doing to attract them?
Truly, I ask you, to pause, and non-emotionally consider the answer to that .. because for as long as you keep your victim blanket on, you will keep attracting the same shit ..
"This was far from my first time being raped as I have a history of molestation and rape growing up so I tried to simply push it out of my mind and move on with my life."
No offense but one would think you are a pro at avoiding these types of situations by now...?
No one should ever have to deal with someone else violating their being. Its absolutely grotesque to think there are people out there that take any sort of enjoyment from harming others like this.
I just wonder sometimes, those that are "serial raped", if they too have some sort of sub conscious need to be in risky situations.
REALLY soupernerd??? Someone opens up about their rape and you blame them?
There is nothing she did wrong. Dont put the blame onto her because you have an issue grasping the concept that rapists are people. Rapists can be your friends, your loved ones, your family, and there is no way you can avoid being raped. Read up on "just world fallacy" cause that comment is reaking of it.
I never blamed her entirely. Obviously the man who did this needs to be in prison and holds 99% of the responsibility.
If I kept getting robbed... sure its ultimately the robbers that are responsible however I would have to at least step back and analyze how exactly it is that I keep getting robbed because SOMETHING that Im doing ALSO needs to change.
Whether it be who I am hanging out with, where I am hanging out, who Im possibly telling too much information to, how much attention I need to pay to the situation around me...
Some people are habitual criminals, some people are professional victims. Not saying the OP is anything like either, but the victim syndrome does exist.
What would she have done differently? Not drink? Not trust men? Not leave her house? There is no way to know what a safe situation is and what isn't. I was raped by my ex boyfriend. How would I avoid that? People who have been raped need to trust people, they need to feel safe in doing so, telling a victim that its their fault for getting into a dangerous situations just enhances anxiety and trust issue. You are not helping at all here.
What is the purpose of posting your comment? Why is important for you to have this conversation here?
Victim Syndrome is part of narsassitic personality disorder, which is a rare mental disorder, and unless you are her psychologist you have no way of knowing if she has it or not, so bringing it up is absolutley pointless.
It took a LOT of courage to post this. I need some time. :)
I don't have it tho. LOL -_- I do have extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression caused by my past, which may make me an easy target to super charismatic sociopaths that fool everyone, even non victims in other ways, victims are just their targets.
I should do a blog at some point on victim blaming. When I have the courage.
She was drugged and raped. She did nothing wrong. End of discussion.
Thank you! <3 (And even if I werent drugged, which I likely was from the evidence, it still isnt okay to shame victims. My friends who DID drink a lot and werent drugged and got raped are also not to blame)
Sadly...I had a friend like that. She was in a greyhound bus going across country, met some dude that said himself that he was just out of prison and she decided to not go where she was supposed to and decided to follow him. That's just plain stupid...but maybe it's because her dad abandoned her when she was 3 and she is dealing with daddy issue. Who knows. All this to say, some people can't smell dangerous people when they meet them...and bad things follow.
Not saying the OP is anything like this either.
molestation also caused me to have extreme anxiety that I cant control and body language gives it away. Predators seek out vulnerable people. I had drinks with someone I met multiple times, my friends met him, he seemed fine, was a star pupil was funny and did not at all shout rapist, he likely drugged me, and I ended up raped. I in no way "gravitated" toward that.
I think a lot more stock should be put into the fact that rape and molestation makes a person have anxiety and depression and they become easy targets. Sociopaths are charismatic as fuck and fool EVERYONE and they seek out those people. Does that make sense?
Also, only 5% of college rapes are reported and comments like THIS are one reason why. How about keep the blame on the person that raped another person and keep it away from the victim. who gets 100% of the blame, not 99%.
and no, he isnt right. He told me I should be a "pro" at avoiding rape because I was raped as a kid. Thus blaming me. That is not at all "right".
I hope my points can help shed some light on the issue and make you guys think. :)
Not even going to validate this shit with a response.
That is actually a response...
not going to validate your shitty comments with a response that is relevant to your shitty comments* :)
After a moment of calming down from your comment I decided to point out A. I was in a situation people are constantly in and was likely drugged and B, rapists are good at sniffing out vulnerable people. Like damaged people who have been abused. They target them. THAT may be why certain people are serial raped. I have fought off a rape before but no, being raped as a kid doesnt mean if you get raped again you were somehow wanting it or just bad at avoiding it. I just happened to meet a rapist. Please really dig deep and think about things you are throwing around when there's a sensitive topic. Adding "no offense" to a shitty comment about how women who are serial raped have a "need" to be raped doesn't make it not shitty. I hope I added some insight that you will take in.
You obviously have never been victimized. Do some in depth research on mind control victims then we can have a talk. This person does not need or deserve your callousness. Empathy is in short supply and although I'm a positive person who issues golden tickets I will not tolerate victims being further victimized by anyone who does not understand how to treat others, especially those who are suffering.
What the fuck dude