Hello,
Let’s have a talk today. A talk most people dread.
This is our reality.
I shared a post with my friends and everyone had a different opinion.
I came across this photo in my gallery and decided to share it on my WhatsApp status. I actually do not know where this image came from. Maybe I got it from someone else’s status.
A few minutes after this post majority of those who viewed it came into my dm’s to share their thoughts.
In as much as I learnt from them and understood what they were drawing at , I was also saddened.
I am from Africa specifically Ghana and where I’m from , men are made to feel as though they cannot show emotions.
I am beginning to think this is how it has been from the beginning of time up until today.
‘ A man is supposed to be tough and not show emotions.’’A man is not supposed to cry or even share his problems with others most especially women.’
Who invented that? Are men not human?
The society in which we find ourselves today has made men totally shut down. A man would be struggling and still pretend everything is okay.
In the end, we end up loosing our men to suicide.
Isn’t this sad?
Are women actually the problem?
One other factor is WOMEN.
I have come across a lot of men who say they cannot confide in women no matter the situation. Others say the worst thing a man can do is to trust a woman.
That’s the sad reality of our men today, most especially African men.
Why is this so?
From my observations , most of our men see women as the common enemy. They feel if they confide in a woman she will end up betraying him or using his insecurities against.
Well, we see that happen a lot so who is to blame?
Women? Men? Society? The world? The system?
The question of the day.
Why are men made to feel they can’t show emotions or be vulnerable?
Share your thoughts with us.
The hard truth.
So apparently , in our part of the world women are given the upper hand in various sectors as compared to men.
Why is that so?
Is it because women are not empowered in our part of the world and so the focus is mainly on the girl child now?
Or it is because men in our part of the world hide the hurt and pain all in the name of being strong and tough?
Or you think it’s some other reason. Let us know what you think.
Dear men, it’s okay for you to show emotions . You deserve to express what you feel at some point.
Do not let society suppress you.
We are with you.
With love.🫶🏻
I wouldn’t say we see the as an enemy even. It’s more like a lesson learnt from experience that has made many men skeptical about whether or not opening is a good idea. Most men who are like this have opened up to a certain woman before and learnt a lesson to be cold as ice from there.
The sad thing is that after this experience, the next woman and all other women that’ll come into his life will have to deal with this scar, and eventually might leave him because he’s going to find it difficult to be able to open up ever, and if he ever does, it’ll require a lot of effort and patience(which many women won’t have the time for).
I am of the conviction that habits are developed growing up. And what do we see women and men alike teach little boys in their childhood? When your little brother cries what do you hear your dad and your mom and your dad tell him. “You’re a man. Men don’t cry”. This is deeply wired into our very thinking from childhood and that is the mentality we grow up with. Aside this, there’s also of course, the influence of social media and society itself even as we mature into adults. Men can’t be passionate about certain things women are are their seen as weak or girlish. We’re supposed to be the rocks in our families and rocks don’t show weakness.
There’s also the fact certain women say they want you to open up, but then get the ick when you do. Maybe opening up in her language means just talk. But what if you get teary and cry? I’ve heard women on social media say they got the ick from their man crying and lost interest several times. How do you know what limit to open up to then? Won’t it be better to stay unfazed? Some other women also just say it to not look like they don’t give two shits about men. So they’ll ask you to open up knowing fully well they don’t want you to. Again, many women have said how many times they asked their men to open up, and later wished they didn’t because they didn’t like him being too open again.
If men actually decided to talk, we could talk and talk and talk because you guys have no idea how much pent up anger and frustration we have collected and saved up over the years. And most of these stuff, no one else but a man will get them, so you feel like there’s even no point telling a woman about it. The boys get it most of the time. If you have good friends, you can be open to them, but even then, even they call you a sissy at some point when you talk about certain stuff.
It was international men’s day a couple of days ago and I bet you didn’t know until now. I bet you didn’t even know there was an international men’s day holiday. Even I didn’t know until I saw someone’s post about it here. That is how much the world doesn’t care about men. We celebrate women’s day and breast cancer awareness like the entire world population are women and this is how it gets when it’s out turn. It’s all talk until it’s actually time to show the love and concern. The world just shoves a donut down our throats and tells us to shut the fuck up and suffer. Lol It’s a cold world to be a man.
I agree with you.
So you think it’s better to keep it all in?
🥹🥹
That is not what I’m saying at all. I’m simply saying, even the women that want you to open up might not be able to “take” it when you open up. So you need to understand what they mean by opening up so that you don’t overdo it and doom your relationships.
The problem is not that men don’t open up entirely, it’s that they don’t like feeling that kind of vulnerability towards women, their woman specifically. And when even YOUR woman says she wants you to open up to her, there’s a subconscious standard of “opening up” she has, and anything beyond this point will have her see you as less of a man. Her subconscious standard could be “crying”. You can tell her everything but there’s a limit at crying. Once you cry in front of her, you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Of course she won’t tell you this though, because maybe even she doesn’t know you crying will give her the ick. Or maybe she does but just doesn’t want to be mean or come off that way so she doesn’t tell you.
There are several other options if you can’t open up to a woman. Your boys always got you, maybe family also, or worst case scenario, therapy and counseling. One of these has to work for any person. Bottles explode when they take too much and you don’t want to be a bottle exploding with suppressed emotions one day.
I see.
I was one of the people to come into your dm for this issue but then I couldn’t continue the convo. Well, am here again😃.
First of all I don’t think the system of Africa or Ghana is the problem. I think men world wide will accept that it’s pretty difficult to see a man crying, you will only see a man cry when he can’t take it anymore.
I think we can all come to the fact that when it comes to strength and will power men are more stronger, emotionally men are stronger and it’s for this reason people will choose favouring a woman all day long over a man(hell yeah am one of those people who will always favour a woman in most things)
I don’t think a man should go around crying at every little thing that happens to him. We have been made emotionally stronger by nature and you should be able to deal with it.
How many men have you seen committing suicide because they can’t solve an emotional problem?
I don’t like opening up because I am that way. I don’t open up to both genders. A woman and man can both betray you after you open up.
I cry proudly, and it's done me a lot of good, but I don't usually let others see, there is no need for it, and I agree a lot of people aren't used to seeing that and don't respond to it in a good way. This is mostly cause historically men have had to compete for survive and showing vulnerability could lead to attack.
I think there are two kinds of crying. When you hold on to the negative feelings and cry, it’s more like whining and you can call that weakness, but when you let go of the emotions that are weighing heavy on you, you become stronger. We all need to poop and in the same way we need to process emotions or we get sick. Crying is the fastest and easiest way. Now I enjoy it because I usually find the things that I want to fix about myself become a lot easier to fix, like if I'm feeling lazy or unmotivated, crying can sometimes fix that if I manage to release frustration or anger.
I used to be a very angry person and now I'm really chill. Crying helped.
I have no problem with crying and all that. I just don’t like it when you do it in front of people most times. Everyone has a secrete and the problems the women have is that some will wanna see us cry on their shoulder which to me can be done but only when it becomes too much to handle.
I find women quite reasonable that they women give some of the best advice and if you do tell a trusted woman your problem she can help.
Just pray it doesn’t come back to bite you cause that same woman might end up calling you weak one day when you have an argument with her.
I get it. I would worry about these things but I spent so many years looking for lots and lots of great people who accept me as I am, I don’t worry about it anymore.
My gf has seen me cry many times but we’ve been together 8 years. I don’t like to show her but she always wants to see me cry 😆 she enjoys it
😂😂😂this reminds me of my gf too. She always wants me to open up about so many things which is really difficult for me. She even wants me to cry at times to show how vulnerable I am but I just cant.
I understand you perfectly.
But it’s okay to open up.
Please don't delete anything from Hive, with the intention of reposting it as that is considered abuse.
Noted. Thank you.
You are a brave soul to be taking on this issue in a culture that doesn't seem very open to it just yet. I am totally with you, although I'm not surprised if people around you don't understand. I cry a lot and it's not even a sad thing, it gives me power. I don't usually do it in front of people though cause I know most people can't handle it, and it's distracting to have people around for it. I want that time to focus on only myself.
It makes sense that men don't feel comfortable crying. When the world is dangerous, people become more aggressive and showing vulnerability could cause problems. I would never be able to cry like that if I came from a dangerous neighborhood. Now many places are getting safer and while people still don't trust each other all the time, they can start to explore their emotions more.
You might like Gabor Mate! I've been listening to him all week.
EDIT: I see you deleted the post :-( I really liked reading it anyway.
Thank you.
I had a little problem with the write up that’s why I deleted it.
Well, if you bring it back, I will share it in the cross culture community :-P
I brought it back. I think it’s high time people addressed this issue.
Men have the same emotions as women, men are expected to be a cut above women in everyway so they are moulded to be this way by society.
To cry is human, men have this macho, super human ego which does not allow them to cry. To cry is considered as becoming a woman (a substandard being) in many communities.
Women are considered to be a lower form of creation so to confide in one is below a man's dignity.
If you notice the kind of jokes people share it's mostly about women, their stupidity and silliness. This shows a deepseated feeling of inferiority in men. These feelings cause them to over compensate with such jokes, controlling behaviour
and abuse of women.
Honestly it's a matter of perception. Mem just fool themselves by believing in these silly social prototypes.
In the process they suffer emotionally. This could lead to anxiety, depression and possible self harm.
They will agree otherwise.
Most people don’t realize all these happen due to what is happening in our societies.
Glad you see it this way @nhaji01 . People may or may not agree but this is what I see around me.
I understand you.
My opinion is going to shock you, so I'm going to moderate myself :) Growing up an living in Europe means I'm coming from a different culture, where beating a child means child abuse and can lead to social services taking the children away from you and not an act of love and an educational tool, how it is seen in other parts of the world. Women are treated as equal partner, therefore every good and bad happening in life is shared with them. Obviously not everyone is like that, there are others who still think like you've described in your post.
The bottom line, no one wants a man who breaks down in tears at every small problem, but having emotions is normal and manifesting them as well. If you have a partner in life, you share everything with them and face everything together.
I tried to be as gentle as possible 🙂
Also, I'd like to suggest Rant, Complain, Talk community for this type of topics, that is a great place to discuss what you have in mind. Next time obviously, so leave this here :)
From what I have observed throughout my life , it was okay to beat a child if he did something wrong but these days things have changed. Anyone who abuses a child in any form will have to face the law. I think it is a good initiative because the rate of child abuse in the county has reduced drastically.
Most people from Africa see women to be weak and so they mostly give them special treatment over the men.
I totally agree with you.
Well noted. Thank you very much.
That can only generate hate towards the abuser, but this is my opinion. Violence will never bring any good.
Most people think violence is the solution to everything so the cycle is very difficult to break.
The crying part
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