Heal First, Part II. Contributed by @Olawalium

in #love7 years ago

This is in continuation of the series “Heal First”. You can catch up with the first one here.

continued…


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When you don’t allow yourself to heal, you leave yourself in a vulnerable state. When you leave yourself in such a vulnerable state, you may get treated poorly. The other person, for whatever motive he or she has for choosing you other than love, will make you feel he or she is doing you a favour by dating you, since you have lost your own sense of worth by not allowing yourself to heal before going into another relationship.

Even for you, you get to pick on every little thing the person does because the pain of your past is still with you. You see your supposed partner as having the potential to hurt you anytime, which stops you from giving your best, even when he or she has the best intentions for you.

What we choose to focus on is what we see.

When you focus too much on your past hurt while in a relationship, you threaten that relationship because you have not been healed of the past hurt. You will make your partner have to try twice as hard as he or she should, and that is really draining. It is easy to give up when you have been stretched too long. We all have a certain level of hurts and pains we can accommodate, even when we are truly in love.


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Allow the process to take place. Heal first if you know you are the type who hardly let things go. Sort yourself out first, so you can be able to give your best to your other half. Many people don’t enjoy their partner and their relationship, all because they are still holding on to past pain and hurt from another relationship. This makes the present guy or lady suffer for what he or she didn’t know or do.

If for anything, talk about it with your current guy or lady. Maybe that will make you heal faster because he or she would know how best to avoid the same hurt if he or she genuinely loves you. How then, do you know who genuinely loves you? Give it time, heal first. When you heal, you know your worth, you will be extra careful about your heart, and then you will see who matches up. Self-love is the first process, which speeds up healing.

Most people lost trust and belief in love because either they have not healed completely, or the other person they finally decide to allow back into their space hasn’t been totally healed too. It messes a lot of things up. Don’t let another person lose their belief in love because you haven’t healed. If you can’t do it for them, at least do it for you.


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I remember dating a lady who just got out of a relationship, in fact, she was just coming out of it. I never knew she was only in​ her vulnerable state. I confused her need for comfort for love.

To be continued…

Thank you for your time.


My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.

Still me,

Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor's order.


If you enjoyed this post, follow @Olawalium

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Continued from part part 1

Life is sweet when you have someone you love so much they say ...........and I’m a witness to that. But life could equally be bitter when you lost beloved ones.

In my own case, life has been so unfair but I as human has no choice than to take it like it comes. And so it happened.

Five years of relationship I believe is enough to make up one’s mind on if one wants to be with one’s partner which I did and I’m loving it. Family members love her, friends and peers adore her. Mama wants me to marry her, relatives are ready to pay bride price but the table turned and here I am with my broken heart 💔

Fate and Destiny to me is confusing, does Fate works for Destiny or Destiny works for fate, maybe they work together cause what happened to me I can’t categorize if it’s Fate or Destiny

My heart aches
My tummy rumbles
My head became so light
My hands shaking
My feet wet
My system failed
My mind wandered endlessly
My thoughts blank
The earth trembled
And the sky cane falling down
My vision blurred
As tears roll down my cheeks
And I wish I had somewhere to run to in order to dodge this

My Reply to the heart breaking news
Sighs... I just can’t Imagine another man saying I love you and you’re saying it back . I can’t imagine you to be Mrs Someone else. But as you’ve said... it’s for the best of us both . I wish you well too. I can’t send a voice note cause I’m crying as I’m typing this. I’m feeling exactly how I felt like the World is ending when I received the news of my father’s death. I never ever ever thought we won’t end up together but destiny has it. Human only plans and God execute. This is where fate has brought us. I will never forget you honey. You’d forever be my Abeni. It’s so hard to believe we are no more, what a wicked world we are.

This is really deep, and i could feel your hurt and pains, as you typed this.
Life sometimes deal us a big blow, and our background should never put our back on the ground, but then, it is not easy, even at that, how else could be do better if we don't move on. As much as it hurts, i want you to see the lessons in it and TRY to move on. I know how much it hurts, trust me, and i will do a series soon about myself, so you will understand that i have known pains, deeper than anyone can imagine, but i came out fighting. Stop focusing on the hurt, focus on the lessons. You will be fine. Stay strong and i am always here for you.

Thank you for sharing this, i know it means a lot to you.

Yeah bro , great article. Those who haven’t been there before wouldn’t understand this topic oh healing First. Yeah it’s so hard to move on but it’s a process one can’t avoid. As I’ve said , only those who had the experience will relate better .

No doubt about that. I totally feel you on that. It takes process. Take as much time as you need. Stay strong.

Wow....
This is just the bomb...

It speaks volumes, yet softly....

When you don’t allow yourself to heal, you leave yourself in a vulnerable state. When you leave yourself in such a vulnerable state, you may get treated poorly. The other person, for whatever motive he or she has for choosing you other than love, will make you feel he or she is doing you a favour by dating you, since you have lost your own sense of worth by not allowing yourself to heal before going into another relationship.

This is why many people make statements such as.....
"All guys are the same"

Because they didn't allow themselves to heal, they accept trash from someone who's willing to give whatever in the name of love.

Thanks much for this piece.
Totally enjoyed it

Exactly. This is why many repeat experiences of hurts and pains because they lack self love too, and you get treated the way you have shown. When you don't love yourself enough, it is a clear sign you want to be treated anyhow. When you love yourself, this other person will see it and know that he must never go below that standard, because once he does, he knows problems are bound to suffice.

Thank you so much darling. Really appreciate you.

When you don’t allow yourself to heal, you leave yourself in a vulnerable state

Let me give brief meaning to what vulnerable is

when you are more or most likely to be exposed to the chance of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally

Once we are vulnerable in our relationship and we actually got attacked, we have to learn from what really happened to us first, what might have caused that to happen and why did it even happen in the first instance then we will be able to forgive ourselves and move on with our life, this will really help us while we are in another relationship Because we won't want to make same mistake whatever a guy or lady. Or

Better still we should confide in our new found relationship so that we can both find things happen positively by so doing we are actually going to be heal completely from what had happened, I will go with this popular saying that two head are better than just one, no matter the situation I believe this thus count

I remember dating a lady who just got out of a relationship, in fact, she was just coming out of it.

It does happen brother, I believe by now you had learnt a lot because how a relationship does work, you really us a desirable lecture that we needed. We should always try our best to heal first before jumping or dangling into any forms of relationship.

Yes, we should always heal first, and life is all about learning. We leave ourselves to attack when we fail to learn and pick the lessons in every situation.

Thank you for your time. I really appreciate it.

You don’t need to “get right back on the horse”; in fact, that tends to be a bad idea. You need time to feel out of your feels. Refusing to let despair drag you down is a huge step, and one that will make everything else much easier.

The way we tell ourselves the story affects how we see ourselves and the world around us. So, if you want to recover from your broken heart, you need to start paying attention to the story you’re telling yourself.

At times we tend to assume that we’re going to feel bad forever. This is part of the way we tell stories to ourselves

GET UP! because your broken heart is going to define your life from now own.

Thank you @olawalium

Yes, how we handle it determines the course of our life.

The way we tell ourselves the story affects how we see ourselves and the world around us. So, if you want to recover from your broken heart, you need to start paying attention to the story you’re telling yourself.

I love that. How you tell yourself the story matters. How you see the break up matter, and it helps the healing process. Do you see it as hurt? As a lesson? As a slap on your face? etc... These determines how longer we are going to take to heal, by how we choose to see whatever happened to us.

Gracias Amigo.

Exactly!
Loved this part too. Master class.
Gracias

What ever happened to me, I find solutions as quick as possible, and once I see the solutions, I try forget the past accident so as to move on

It's better to be healed in time to forget the past cos you if you didn't, you are hurting yourself technically and that won't help you get the right person and you may end up loosing the love of your life while you are still thinking about the past

Often times we look at a closed door, that we fail to see the doors right in front of us. Holding on to past hurts clouds our minds and robs us of the present. You don't only hurt yourself technically, you do, even mentally, physically, morally, socially, spiritually, etc...don't worry, i won't say politically. Haha

Thank you for your time.

The past experience in a broken relationship really hurts, and one truly needs to heal himself first and try and forget about his past heartbreak before entering another relationship. It has happen to me in the past after i separated with my ex-girlfriend i find it difficult to love another girl . So i was out of relationship for about 8 months after i have completely forgot about my former relationship i was then able to fall in love with another girl which i am still dating till now

Perfect. Thanks for sharing your past experience with us. You have to deal with the hurt first, before involving another person. Imagine if you had met another person a week after the first heart break? She would have borne the brunt of the anger. Hahahaha. Thanks a lot, i really appreciate this.

I've put all relationships on hold for now, at least till am in the right frame of mind. Guess that's my own way of healing. When you rush into something without being prepared emotionally it's bound to fail. Thanks for sharing

It will definitely fail. Only on rare occasion, when you see a more understanding partner, can it work.

Yes, take as much time as you need to heal, do it for you. You owe yourself that much.

Thanks a lot as always. Always appreciate you.

Healing is such an underrated processes. Most people seem to behave as if they're running out of time to heal and rush their engagements with people who may not value them at all. This is where the cycle of defeat emerges..

Simple, short, yet deep and accurate. I totally love this. Thank you so much.

Very good article, I congratulate you. A healthy heart will allow healthy families and therefore a healthier society will grow. It is the ideal time to heal wounds, living from the past keeps anchored to the past. Drop the anchor of the past and your ship will move faster in the present towards a better future ...

Very nice angle. Thanks a lot for this. I am glad to have you here.