𝒪𝓃ℯ ℴ𝒻 𝓂𝓎 ℊ𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓉ℯ𝓈𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒶𝓅𝓅ℴ𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓂ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℐ 𝓃ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝓇ℯ𝓃.
As a young man I'd always expected I'd have a son or daughter, just the one would have been sufficient, and it always seemed just around the corner, in the future just ahead...but, as we all know, the future is always just ahead and it's the present in which we live.
In my twenties I didn't feel ready. I was deep into a thing I was doing, very focused and had dedicated my life to that. I was also in a relationship and we were in agreement that we would wait. In my thirties, just after that previous commitment, I shifted into a role and profession that also demanded my full commitment and whilst I felt more ready for children I didn't feel one hundred percent prepared and so time went by with no little g-dog or g-dogette arriving in my life.
Years went by, as they have a habit of doing, and having a child became something that "should have happened in the past rather than something that will happen in the future." (Clearly there's things I'm not saying that are personal here, there's no need to push me on it ok?)
ℐ 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓀𝒾𝒹𝓈, ℐ'𝓂 ℊℴℴ𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂. 𝒩ℴ, ℐ'𝓂 𝒶𝒸𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 ℊ𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂.
I have also lived a great deal of life and have a wealth of experience, knowledge, skills and wisdom to pass on. That's one of my big disappointments really, that I have no little version of me to impart all of that to; the sum of my own life handed on to help another with their own. I sometimes wonder what my son or daughter would be like and how well I may have done with their upbringing. Of course, I'll never know the answer to that however I believe I would have been a good parent and would have raised a child who had the skills needed to design and create their own life with integrity, ownership and responsibility.
I don't dwell on the situation, that's not my way, and if I'm honest, it's not really too late for me to sire children...I've spent a lifetime practicing how to make a baby after all and keep my practice going regularly of course, however it won't happen, I've made that decision once and for all.
I have a nephew and niece who are young kids and a niece in her mid twenties who is a lovely person; it's them I focus on, the younger ones more keenly of course, as I can help shape their lives to some degree.
The little ones are pretty special little people and probably quite indicative of what my own child might have been like. Many of you who are familiar with my brother @tarazkp's posts will have seen photos of my niece, his daughter @smallsteps, and I've put a few photos of @mrbonkers on the blockchain from time to time, the son of my other brother, including in this post - He decided to commandeer my boots and I took this shot before he tried to walk in them. They're such great little nutbags and two of the most important people in my life. Will I influence them as much as I would have my own? No, of course not; but being a part of their life brings additional meaning to mine and I'll take that.
I'm accepting of the fact that I'll not have kids of my own, I'm ok with it. Does it make me sad sometimes though...yeah it does. It doesn't hurt though, except for a time only this year when someone told me that she's glad I don't have kids as I'd be a terrible father, to be intentionally hurtful. It worked too, that knifed me right in a soft spot she knew I had and she twisted the knife a little too...but generally I'm ok with it, I just cowboy up and get on with life as I know it, and think about those three people, my nieces and nephew, with great love and emotion.
Written for the #weekend-engagement concept: topics post found here.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default; tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind - galenkp
[All original and proudly AI free.]
Any images in this post are my own.
I reckon you would have been a great dad had things worked out this way.
Whoever said otherwise is probably projecting.
MrBonkers looks so utterly adorable thieving your comparatively gigantic boots XD Tiny kids wearing oversized shoes/clothes is the cutest thing.
I will say that about tiny kids doing anything so there's no impact at all in that statement XD
Thanks Ry, I mean a parent has good and bad parenting moments I guess, but overall I think I would have got it right more times than getting it wrong.
@mrbonkers is a pretty cool little kid for sure. He's funny, always makes me laugh as he will tonight on our weekly video chat. Even yesterday on the phone when I was talking to his dad, my brother, he was in the background being a nutbag and I was laughing. I'm lucky to have two really good nieces and a cool little nephew too.
Just after he decided to steal my boots he decided he wanted my hat, my favourite 5.11 cap and it ended up going home with him (Cairns). He wears it every day. I like that.
Mate, I felt a rollercoaster of emotions while reading your post, a very personal topic, and I thank you for sharing it with all of us. Sometimes life takes us by another path but rewards us in a very particular way. I am very happy to see how you proudly share your love for your nephews through your writing, and they are very lucky to have a great uncle. Greetings to your family and you.
And of course, I loved the post.
I don't like to share everything here although in my writing is often a great deal about me and my life, written between the lines. In this case, well, it's just how I feel and whilst I've left the details out the message gets through I think.
I love my nieces and nephew very much and would do anything for them, as I would my kids should I have had them.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
Sometimes things happen in a very unexpected way, I did not think about motherhood, everyone in my family saw me as a person who would never be a mother, even my friends saw me that way, when I was 14 and 16 years old, two doctors Different people told me that due to PCOS and my retroverted uterus it was almost impossible for me to ever get pregnant, honestly at that age it wasn't important to me, life went on and I was focused on my studies, but at 25 I had a boyfriend and I did not use any contraceptive method and I got pregnant, it was a strange shock, I had already gotten used to the idea that I was never going to have a biological child, also that boyfriend did not turn out to be a good person, he cheated on me, after finding out about the deception I found out that I was pregnant (I found out that despite the medical problems I am very fertile), so I decided to continue with the pregnancy and be a single mother. I never imagined that things would happen that way but that's how it did, I love my son even though it was an unplanned child, I focus every day on being the best mother I can even though sometimes it hurts because one day I will have to answer all the questions make me my son Many people say that he is a mini me because of his talent for crafts, but only time will tell how his adult personality will be.
I'm sorry that even if you wanted to have a child, that moment has not arrived, I see you still young to be a father, my father was 61 years old when I was born, I know I would like him to be alive now, but enjoy my father and not I would change it for nothing in the world, I am grateful that he had me even though he was older because I had the opportunity to meet him and I have the best father I could have had
Your story has elements of sadness in it although I think overall it is a very happy story as you have your son and the opportunity to help him be the best version of himself he possibly can be; you'll give him a good grounding and then it's up to him to carry on with it. You seem to be a very switched on woman and I think you'll explain things to your son in the right way and at the right time.
Thank you very much for thinking that way about me, I hope to have the most sincere answers when my son asks about his father. I hope he understands my reasons, although I will always be afraid that he will reproach me for something, I love my son very much and I know that he feels that love
I don't know him or you, however I feel confident that you'll raise him in a way that leaves him able to see the facts and understand the situation. You know what I mean? I think he will accept what you say, your reasons, and simply be happy to be your son.
I have seen many stories like this, love is powerful, enjoy your son's love
Many times life is a little unfair, I can understand each of your words, sometimes life can take different paths than what we want or expect, it is good to see you find meaning and love in your nephews, I hope you continue to enjoy their company and be an example in their lives.
Thanks for your comment, and yes life can be unfair, however I also think that some things happen for a reason and must be accepted. I fill the gap with my nieces and nephew and despite them being a long way from where I live we have good relationships; I work to be a good influence in their lives and an example too.
It is a blessing for the nieces and nephew to have you. I speak from experience, as my brother does not have children, and as a result he has 100% undivided interest in them when we visit. It is a special bond.
That is a very cute picture.
Yep, it's really cool to be able to pour on the attention and interest in nieces and nephews and I guess there's little pressure as one can hand them back for the parents to deal with the bad stuff. It's a good position to be in and I certainly see it as a very special bond. Those little people mean a lot to me.
As for the picture...Yeah, that was taken at my place over Christmas. He took a liking to my boots, anything mine he wanted, and I made him a bet...if he could put them on and walk in them he could have them. Of course, his little feet couldn't quite make it work, thankfully as I love my boots. It was hilarious watching him try though. He is a lot like me, reluctant to quit and driven to get things done. Alas, he didn't get my boots.
Aw, I bet if he had succeeded his parents would have had the strangest expression on their faces as they watched you put your boots in his suitcase.
Well, he took my hat home, my favourite 5.11 cap. Wears it every day, so he might as well have had the matching boots. (Luckily not though.)
Can't take a man's trusty boots. That's like taking a woman's...I've got nothing. Everything I wear is interchanged frequently. How about hair. Can't take a woman's trusty hair. Unless it is leg hair, in which case anyone is welcome to that. This stream of consciousness is just getting worse and worse. I'm now going to let this thread die here.
Lol...This made me smile.
I don't think a woman's hair works well either...I mean, there's places where there should be none and most women are pleased to be rid of it so...maybe a women's head-hair would work?
Ha, yes, a woman's head-hair was my intention. Mine is midway down my back now, and I'd be kind of irked if someone made off with it.
Hi @galenkp. It is subject of which I speak very little but I am 35 years old, this year I turn 36, I could still conceive but I do not think it will happen, both by my own decision and partner; he is much older than me, he has children and in his plans is not to raise at his age. It is possible that in the future I may regret not trying but at the moment I am fine. I believe that having a child is something very serious that not only implies providing emotional stability but also economic stability. At least to cover their basic needs and I live in a country where it is very difficult for this to happen.
Hello @liseth.zamora, my age is closer to you. I'm running 35 in the next two months but I still wished to have a baby. I am waiting for 6 months now and still hoping. If God will allow me to be a mother again, then He would probably grant it. If not, for sure I won't have another baby anymore.
Having a baby is really a difficult thing to decide nowadays. Hopefully God will grant the desires of heart according to His will.
Hi @jenthoughts . Here I am, responding 1 day later. Thank you so much for your comment. God bless you and your babies. God's will is good, pleasing and perfect.
By the way, congratulations on your year in hive, it's a great achievement 👏.
I have only one child and asking for one. I hope God grant our prayer soon because my age can't stop growing hehehe.
Yes thank you so much I am happy reaching this milestone.
Sometimes life doesn't work out how we expect and we need to move on accepting it, especially in respect of things that cannot be changed. Clearly, you've thought it through and have made decisions around your deliberations and that's how it should be. Move life forward in other ways, find happiness and contentment, and that's all there is too it. I know you know what I mean...There's no point dwelling on the negative, that comes at the expense of the positive.
Thanks for taking the time to comment and share a little of your own story.
That's right, I understand. It's something that I don't mention it a lot, like I said. I've also thought that everything has a reason. And from the bottom of my heart that's what I chose and I continue to choose every day, I feel good about that.
life is too precious to waste by focusing on things that cannot be changed. I like that you're choosing to live a good one, the best you can, as that means you'll move forward with less regret.
And as for you, I am 100% sure you would have been a great father. You have so much to contribute. The love you give to your nieces and nephews is a small part of everything you would offer to a child.
Thank you, I can't be certain as it'll never happen, although I think I might have been a good parent. I appreciate you saying so.
First, it is understood what it took to share what you did in this post. When reading it I felt like we were just two friends hanging out at a pub (I was having a drink at the time) talking about life. I guess what I am saying is that it is appreciated that you shared something so personal and I value it.
My mother had a twin brother. He lived a bachelors life, was married once a very short time, but had no kids. However, he had several nieces and nephews and was very beloved by all of them. He is still remembered fondly by us to this day. He filled a fatherly role for many of us growing up. Usually the fun part of the role😀. But he taught some good life lessons to me as well, and I think of him fondly too this day. There is no doubt that Smallsteps, MrBonkers and your older niece think the same of you.
Hey mate, thanks for your first paragraph. This is not something I talk about much and even here I have left so many details out, but the main theme of it is there I guess.
As an uncle I'm lucky to be able to lean more towards the fun aspect of kids, and yep they're going to get away with with me than with their parents, but it's also my role to help prepare them for their futures and I do so in many little ways. Will I discipline them? Of course. But fortunately they're good kids, raised well by their parents and there's little need for that. I hope to impart some valuable lessons and concepts to them, to be someone they turn to when they need and someone they look back on fondly as you do with your uncle.
I'm looking forward to seeing them grow up and I know I'll be proud of them, as I am now.
wow the similarities are getting crazy...that scares me :). Text could have been from myself although I´m not as talented in writing as you....but same thoughts. I´m 40 now and don´t have kids and my girl and I decided that we don´t want to have one. Of course it makes me sad as well, especially if I think a few years ahead but if I fell that decision I have to live with it right?!
Appreciate you sharing such personal stuff, feels good to not be the only one :)
Coincidence...or are you really me, but 13 years younger, and not as brown? Lol.
It's one of those things that (for me) probably should have just happened by accident. I probably overthought it in mt twenties and then (due to my focused nature) prioritised other things in my thirties. There's other elements to it but I'm not inclined to write them on the blockchain. The long and short of it is there was no children.
Now, well I'm not inclined to be one of those old dads so whilst it is possible to have children still (viable even) I'm 53 and totally fit AF but I don't want to be one of those old dads who can't keep up with the kid. I also don't know if I'll live a full term to be honest and so it's best I leave the kids to other people. I still practice making them though, just in case. 😉
I respect you and your partner's decision, it's actually responsible to make it, meaning to actually decide as that conscious decision will mean no (or little) regret later.
I've not had a bad life...travelled extensively, had the things I've wanted and still do, and generally have led an exciting and fulfilling life...Would kids have changed it? Surely, yes, better or worse? Who knows...It just would have been different. I'm ok with it though, other than those elements I mentioned in this post. Life has been good, and will be moving forward from here, as with yours also I'd guess.
Who knows, I might be your Minimi :) hahaha
Again, exactly my thoughts. If it would have just happened I would be happy with it but planning it now seems a bit strange to me. If it doesn´t work we created a new problem in our life.
I be honest when it comes to kids, I´m very good with kids and they always like me and I would love to enjoy the good moments but then I see that kid in the supermarket screaming non stop and I remember why I do not have any as I think I could not deal with stuff like that.
Oh I had an awesome life so far and hope it goes on for a couple more years :)
We most likely get a dog or two as soon as we settle somewhere.
The screaming kid in the supermarket is never pleasing right?
I think it's best just to make a good life, live it well and if that doesn't involve kids then so be it. There's always pets, as you mention.
At times, I also asked myself what I'd been doing on my early tweenties that I didn't get pregnant. But then I answered myself, I don't feel ready,and Don't think so I can give the best to my child that time. I was tied up with family responsibilities and having a kid will be hard for me
Just irony of life, the moment you are ready, that is when you find it hard to achieve. Remembered during those times when we are in gf and bf stage, I would feel nervous everytime I am delayed. Feel happy when turns out negative but now the opposite.
Really frustrating but I still,I am hoping to have one, perhaps next year?
Who knows, sometimes great things happened unexpectedly.
And hey! I believe everyone is capable to be a good father!
Sometimes it's just not possible and to be honest I think that's ok. I mean sure, people like to have children, but if it's not possible then one must move forward and live life regardless; that's what I have done.
As for you, I think there's still time and you may find your hopes of a family come to fruition. If not, I hope you don't make it a reason that the rest of your life needs to be sad or feel unfulfilled.
Thanks you for your comment, I appreciate it, and all the best moving forward.
Yeah, somehow we still have chances but if ever a kid is not for us? The we can't do anything about it.
Yes, it sad but there are somethings that beyond our control, so better move forward and pehaps be prepared for our retirement 🤣.
Have a great weekend!
Reading you immersed me in my own life and raising my son, being a single mother. Your writing touched my soul.
First of all, I got married and soon after I realized that I had made a mistake, as I was not in love and decided to separate. Soon after I realized I was pregnant. However, even though my ex-husband asked me to return for the emotional stability of my son, the truth is that I did not want to make another mistake and I did not accept.
I raised my son on my own, because his father was disengaged and chose to continue as if he were a teenager: his beautiful motorcycle, his tattoos, the parties and the women, and for my son there was never any time or money. Thank God I was able to raise him alone.
But there is always someone who criticizes and wants, as you say, to bury the knife and turn it over. My sister always criticized me and for her, I never did things right.
I have made mistakes, yes, and lots of them. But with my son, I have always tried to give him the best example, to the point that I gave myself completely to his education and upbringing and my own life took a back seat. I have no regrets because today my son is 13 years old and he is a model teenager. He is an excellent student, polite, loving, respectful and a boy scout.
My dear friend, there is never someone who criticizes us or hurts us intentionally or innocently. But whatever the intentions are, the damage is caused.
That does not prevent us from moving forward.
A hug and happy beginning of the week.
You've been ono a journey it seems, learned many things along the way and made it to a good place; of course, that story will continue into the future.
It's brave of you to do what you did, I understand the difficulties a person might face in doing so, and that a lot of effort, physical and emotional, goes into it. Well done. Also, yes mistakes happen...if you'd said you made none I wouldn't have believed you. But mistakes are learning opportunities, and just part of the journey.
I hope you have a lovely week, and that I'll see you around some more.
My youngest uncle's story is quite similar I'd say, his marriage didn't workout and he didn't get the chance to have kids.
He's been through a lot in life, he had to keep himself steady for most of his life. Thus, he thought that having kids wouldn't be so wise. So he spent his life taking care of stray animals and riding big powerful classic bikes. His style was quite similar to Sly Stallone from Rocky and he was quite fit too. Even now in his early 50s he's still fit and hits the gym every now and then.
He might not have kids of his own, yet he's still a natural when it comes to handling kids, amazing in some ways. Me and my brothers, our cousins, we've always received unbounded amounts of love from him. When others would judge and be harsh, he would be the most understanding and supportive. He is the one only who used spoil us; I still remember that he was the one who got me my first toy gun, then a of miniature cars, chocolates.
He's a part of some of my best childhood memories. Alas, nowadays he's busy working and so am I, so we don't have much time to talk or meet. But, last month we did speak on the phone, and he's still as jolly and lively, most energetic and high-spirited man in the family, no doubts.
He sounds like a good sort, and I get the impression he was a large part of your life when you were growing up, that he had a positive influence and impact upon you.
I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice about this.
Make time. You may regret not doing so later in your life, so do it now.
Yup, he is the closest from all of my uncles. My brothers and cousins will agree as well. We all get along well.
Not at all, not at all, a little bit of advice is always appreciated; as I always try to look at things from the other person's or advisor's perspective.
I surely will, because we'll probably be visiting my uncles this Eid. They all still live in the area where I grew up, it's just my family who had to move because of work and education purposes. Hopefully everything goes as planned.
I know it can be difficult to fit everything into our busy schedules, but I guess we need to look at what's important and prioritise them. So many times I've heard people say, I should have done thins, said that, made more effort to see... People die and we will lose the opportunity to engage with them forever, it makes sense to engage with those we value whilst they're around.
That's just been my experience.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. In modern times we get so caught up with life, making money, trying to be successful, achieving status, maintaining that "grind mindset", sooner or later some of us regret how we spent our lives.
When you take a closer look, you'll realize that family, friends and the memories we have with them, that's what matters the most in the end. These memories don't fade. And if these memories could be bought back or relived through the use of money, then a lot of people would be happier.
I used to be quite money driven, still am, but it doesn't control me anymore. I was a lot more outgoing, busy wasting time and money and being "selfish", but nowadays I'd rather stay back at home. Be with my parents, talk to them, help them out or my younger brothers.
Money is important, but you can't be so busy making money and "living life" that you end up fully disregarding your loved ones. I've made a decent amount of money, I've also lost a lot more. I know that I'm capable of making money, I was always good with it, the thrills of life aren't going anywhere either; so for now my main focus is on family and the memories we create together.
Because I really don't know how much time we all have here, and that's what kills me every day.
I couldn't say it better, you have summed it all up quite nicely.
Over the past few years I've been trying to build in these positive changes and the value of togetherness among the family members. We've been running low on optimism lately, times have been tough; yet, these tough times have only brought us together.
Hopefully we'll get through this together, and then live to tell the tale.
This is deep and I could feel the emotions in every word. I respect your decision and can tell how great you are with kids.
I remembered how you went shopping some time ago for your nephew, how you painted together, and how you intend to give him an old painting accessory passed on to you because of his talented and creative mind. The Lego and everything tell how wonderful you are.
About the person who said you could have been a terrible father, I guess the person doesn't know you well enough. Regardless of what anyone thinks, you are an amazing person and a father lots of kids will want to have.
Not every man who brings a child into this world is a father and many made the decision not to who is worth calling a father. Your article has made me understand something, being a father is not about how many children a man brings to the world, it is about how many we have had a great impact on.
The person knows me well, certainly well enough to know that that comment would cut deeply. It was said to annoy me, to hurt me, and it did to some degree, but I think it actually hurt the person far more than it did me, because they know they should not have said it, that it is untrue, and that I'll I'll never forget that it was said. Ever. It can't be retracted and I think the person probably wishes it could.
This is very well said, I agree.
That picture is totally charming, children do like to put on shoes that are huge for them, my nephews used to do it a lot and it was great fun.
Reading these things about you makes me feel in the front row, through your writings and the answers you offer I can feel a good vibe in you and you are an admirable man with a lot to give, I'm sure you would have been a good father. In life not everything goes as we would like, although I don't have children and I decided not to have them and I don't want to, I understand very well those who wanted to and didn't achieve it, as your title says, it was not destined. I am glad to know that you are ok with that and that you can share with your nephews and nieces, love them and be an important figure in their lives.
I guess it's important not to dwell on the things that cannot be, or cannot be changed; doing so may mean life slips by and it's so short I'd rather not let that happen. It's better just to accept it and move on to other things that fulfil life.
Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate them and that you took the time to read my post and comment.
🤗🤗
The clarity of your thinking is admirable. You should not have children just because of social pressure or cultural customs. Bringing them into the world is a great responsibility and you have to respect anyone who does not want to do it. The important thing is that you have decided to give all that love to your nieces and nephews.
I had an uncle, my father's brother, who loved me very much. He was a man who was always looking out for me, I felt as close to him as to my own father. With him I had protection and security, and sometimes I thought that if my father was absent he would take his place.
It is important for your nieces and nephews to know that they can count on you, that you are there to support them. Having a loving father and uncle is a great fortune for anyone.
Thank you for this heartfelt post dear friend @galenkp . Have a happy evening.
Too many people have children because that's what they're supposed to do or that's what's expected. Had it happened for me back years ago I would have been happy. Now, well it's just something that I would have liked to happen, but did not. I'm ok with it. My nieces and nephew get all of me now and that's good enough. It has to be, right?
People have many ways to find their purpose in life, the important thing is to feel that the best decision has been made. Your nieces and nephews bring you happiness and you bring them happiness and that's great.
Happy Sunday dear friend.
You're a wonderful man Galen and I'm positive you would have been a more wonderful father. It's obvious your nieces and nephew complete you even though you may have been longing for one of your own. My respect for you as a person just went up another notch. You're a big guy and even though what that malicious woman said hurt deep, I know you'll be fine like you always do.
Hope you're alright.
Thank you for saying so, I appreciate it.
I'm pretty resilient, I've learned that over my life and it's carried me through some terrible times, but here I am, still fucken standing. I'm hard to kill, meaning I'm not one that a person can easily knockdown, physically or emotionally, I'm that annoying guy who just keeps getting up and coming back at ya, like a fucken spider monkey on crack! Lol.
That malicious person hurt herself more than me with that comment; yes it hurt me, but I know it not to be true, I know who and what I am, and I feel confident that if the person could take it back, she would. As it is though, I will never forget it was said.
At first look, I thought it is your son or a grandson. He dressed up like you or at least similar but after reading it is still no wonder because you are also there helping to shape their childhood.
I felt sad knowing that you don't have a child but still you're blessed to have niece and nephew. Maybe you're not a biological father but your a good father to them.
If ever you have given a chance to have a child this time, will you still accept it? Hmmm we don't know, some impossible things happen.
Hey, don't be cheeky you! Lol...I'm not that old! (Ok, maybe I am.)
I understand, but don't be sad, I have led a good life and have three people, the next generation, who will carry the family forwards.
A good question. Yes I would, of course, and I'd do my best to raise a good person, someone with integrity, honesty, courage and ownership. I think children now, and moving forward, are going to need that and more the way the world is going.
Oh so sorry, I don't have any idea about your age but I guess you are in the 50's right? Here I know some who is in their 40's become a grandfather or grandmother because they married so young, gave birth so young and their children married and gave birth so young too hehehe
Sometimes I questioned life, why those people who are responsible enough to become a parents haven't given a chance to be one. While others, we can say an irresponsible one, leaving their kids in a garbage area, throwing in on the river or leaving everywhere still given a chance to bare a child?
Life sometimes is hard to understand.
Yep, 153! (Only 53 actually)
I think the same. Some people simply shouldn't be parents. What some people do to children is reprehensible, but I guess some humans are garbage right?
Human itself I think is not a garbage but their attitude is.
A human who wilfully harms a child, in my estimation, is garbage. It's how I'm built and I can't help thinking that.
I think my biggest thing is that I wonder who is going to take care of my wife and I when we are older. Then I figure that would have been a pretty selfish reason to have kids. We enjoy our time together and like you, we have nieces and nephews that we love to spoil. I think there is a stigma with not having kids that is thankfully loosening up. Either that or people are just learning to keep their mouths shut because sometimes circumstances force decisions for couples. Once I had my cancer anything like that was completely off the table for my wife and I.
Yep, that's something I've thought about. I'll get old and will need assistance, I know that because I dealt with my own parents all the way to their ultimate demise. It was very difficult for me.
As you say though, it's not a reason to have kids and besides, I'd never want to burden anyone like that.
I believe the importance people put on having kids is changing slowly, possibly because of the financial situation and maybe the way the world is spiralling downward into oblivion little by little. Maybe people are readjusting their priorities. I'm not sure why.
I didn't know you had cancer. Sorry man. That's what took my mum and dad eventually also. Maybe it'll get me too, but not yet, I'm very much alive and kicking.
Sorry to hear that, it must have been rough. I've been in remission for like five years now. They told me I had the good kind (if there is such a thing). Lost half of my family jewels from it though! I've often thought I wouldn't want to bring a kid into the world we live in today, but then again, we need those good people making kids so that they can hopefully change the world for the better.
I know what you mean with the good cancer comment. It's strange, I know people who get it and do the right thing, or do the right prior to getting it, and some who stick their heads in the sand. It always strikes me as odd with the latter; do they hold such contempt for their lives? Oh well, each to their own huh? At least you're still rocking and rollin' and BBQin'. 😀
For sure! I actually just did another screening the other day that I could have put off for three more years. It was quite invasive, but I'd rather know before hand so I can get a jump on fighting it.
It's a smart way to go as it's best to know sooner rather than later what's happening right? Tests like this aren't usually all that pleasant but the alternatives, the potential unpleasantness that comes from not having them is worse. I hope your results were good, or will be when they come back. I'm actually waiting on some myself, from a test I had last week. The waiting part isn't very nice, but one must be patient.
Oh yeah, for sure, the waiting is the worst. I remember when I was doing the cancer thing, that was worse than any of it, just waiting to see what the next steps were or how bad it was going to be. My test results did come back good. I am all set for another five to seven years now. Thanks!
I call BS, you would be an excellent Dad! Whomever said that is an Idiot...ignore them!!!! Any kid you had would have a blast, and learn all they need to be a prison to be proud of!
One option is to find one that needs you, and bring them home. My wife was adopted, and I thank GOD that her parents brought her home!
BTW, That Idiot, avoid their company...permanently; they have no input you need!
Hey mate, thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it. Sometimes people say things to intentionally hurt others even if they don't believe what they're saying themselves. It is what it is, I'm not really affected by it...I guess I was more shocked that the person would stoop so low, but that's humans for you huh?
People can be vile at times, best to just ignore them! I avoid hurtful people, so I don't have to punch them in the nose, LOL.
You would be a top shelf Dad! I have a niece and a couple of nephews who had a poor one, so they decided to 'adopt' me for a Dad instead. So I ended up with 3 extra children, and it wasn't even my fault, ROFLOL!
Don't let them wear you down.
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Yeah, sometimes avoiding people is the way to go. If only we could mute them like we can on Hive. It's all good though, I saw that comment for what it is.
There are sadly a lot of small people in the World! Ironically, they will be at high risk when the SHTF, because no one will like them....
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That's true, but then in a SHTF situation most people are woefully ill-prepared.
These people will never understand that the single most important resource is friends of the same mind! I'm going out to the homestead, to loan a generator to my neighbor out there. His power is down in the local storm mess, and is a week out for repairs! He already is guarding my property, and will be a huge help when things sour.
But this person is destroying that critical support structure, with their verbal diarrhea!
Terrible lack of intelligence or planning....
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I got this yesterday from my niece:
By the way happy Father's Day! You've been more useful in my life than the sperm donor, so I'm telling you happy Father's Day instead of him.
She's pretty direct....
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That's a nice message to get, it must make you proud.
She lives on the same lake, that way I can keep an eye on her when things go south. She has five beautiful kids, and is raising them well! I'm proud of her, she's done well.
Trying to help them prep, without being obvious. With five kids, they're pretty strapped for cash. But they're living in the country, and I'm not yet, so in some ways they are ahead of me.
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A lot of prepping can be done on the cheap as you know. Things can be repurposed, bought second hand and often picked up for nothing I guess.
My favorite way to prep! I bought the kids second hand bicycles, then got one for Momma, so she could keep up.
I need a well (so do they, but they don't understand that yet), so I bought the drill and casings etc; for both homesteads. The deal is he drills both, and I supply the goodies. Then we both have the needed hole in the ground!
There are ways, LOL.
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Something you might like....
Cool.
Pure sci-fi for sure! Thought you'd enjoy this, I did...but now I want one, LOL.
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Don't be to harsh on yourself having kids is amazing there is so many ways to have kids in my experience there is no right time to have kids but it could make your life bright and happy but it's your choice don't let any one make choices for you
I'm not really being harsh, I guess just thinking out loud with it and in reply to my own #weekend-engagement topic.
You're right though, each person should make their own choice on the kids decision, it's a decision that lasts for life.
Deffo don't let anyone make choices for you only you can make decisions for yourself it's your life and only you can live it
Lolled at this...it's something an Australian might (would) say.
I'm from Britain 🤣🤣🤣
Makes sense then.
Britain and Australia is quite different lol
Wow, it's hard to be in your place and I really understand it, but you should encourage yourself to have a child, I have two and although I'm not always with them because of my profession, I can tell you with complete certainty that it's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. in life, the worst effort is the one that is not done, cheer up @galenkp there is always a solution 🙏
As I said, I have resigned myself to not have one.
Also as I said, I am ok with it, cheering up is not required.
No one is ever ready.
I'm not going to dwell on whether what you should do or not do as it pertains to kids, but maybe there's a big lesson here.
No time is ever perfect.
To quote C.S. Lewis:
If you want something, you have to just do it. Life is never ideal, likely because our idea of "ideal" evolves with us. It's a perpetual pursuit. What I considered ideal living 15 years ago is vastly different now.
That said, kids are awesome man. Nothing has ever done a better job at making me a better version of myself. Occasionally you get little glimpses into a past iteration of you, but they're unique in their own right. I just hope I can teach mine how to make the best decisions for them, and support them along their journey.
Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it.
As I said in the post, I left a lot of the details out so it's difficult for people to respond to the situation as they don't understand it. Just do it doesn't really apply in this particular case, but in other aspects of life it certainly does...not all, but many, and a lot of people hold themselves back for fear of failing at it which is extremely limiting.
Having said that, perfection doesn't exist, not in anything, so trying to pursue it (or wait for it) is a fools errand.
For sure.
I chase happiness, not perfection.
Yep, that's a good way to go...I also chase continual improvement which is far more productive than chasing something that doesn't exist.
This is deep! Really deep that I can't find words to express how I resonate with this.
I love kids a lot too but I'm struggling to accept that I would love birth one(personal reasons as well). I'm still young and may change my mind as time goes on but what's paramount is that I'm not sure I want to.
These kids are amazeballs, just look at him commandeering those boots! It's the cutest thing I've seen today and for the lady's comment all I can say is "ouch". That kind of comment slapped in my face could make me rethink my decision just to prove something(speaking for myself). Some humans are just weird.
I'm sure you'll come to the right decision if you think it through and look at it from all perspectives, and being young helps as that means you have time.
Thank you for your kind words
I think this is the first time I read something personal from you. Even fate didn't granted you children, I believe your nieces and nephews feel the unconditional love of a father from you.. and I think they treat you as their second father too. So @galenkp, cheer up! I pray for a miracle because why not?
Hmmm. I wonder now.. if you are open for adopting a child ??
Almost everything I write contains very personal things, thoughts and events.
I don't want kids now, so no miracle is required. It was something that didn't happen back when it could have/should have. I'm ok with it although would have been happy for it to have happened years ago.
Thanks for your comment.
Beautiful publication of emotions and feelings.
Personally I sense and believe that you would have been an excellent father, don't listen to what that person said, it's not like that.
You have the life learning and the focused soul to be a very good father, you can see that at a glance.
There are people that no matter how many experiences they go through in life, they don't learn anything, I've seen it. That's not the case with you.
Good lessons you would have imparted, solid feelings and fortitude to forge it in life. I have no doubt about that.
But as I read... things happen for a reason, only your heart knows that reason. Age is the least of it, that's my philosophy, but it's true that if children haven't come... it's for a reason.
I'm in the same situation as you and I'm fine with that. Sometimes paths change and take you in a different direction... sometimes I think: it was better this way, even though I would have been a very good mother. My mission must be different.
A big hug Galenkp!
You say it all pretty well I think. Life takes the paths it takes and whilst we can influence it, some things are our of our control and it doesn't make a lot of sense trying to change things that aren't within our control.
They say that we choose our life before we come... the question is why or for what we live what we live.
Sometimes there is no alternative but to accept it.
I didn't choose this prompt but I belong to the group that doesn't want to get married and doesn't want to have kids. I think it's a personal choice, even though some people see it as a life stage which everyone has to go through in life (study, get a job, get married, have kids, etc). For sure I will miss out on the joys of fatherhood, and that's fine, there's so much more to life.
I think some see it as part of life, something that has to happen, maybe that's programmed into people...but if it's not right for a person, doesn't happen for whatever reason the so be it. Some things are just not meant to be and if nature prevents it then fair enough It is for this reason I don't believe in IVF.
I don't have children either. It wasn't a plan, that's just the way it went.
Because of that I have lived a different lifestyle that included things I may not have been able to experience if I had children. I'm not saying it has been an equal or good trade-off, but then, like I said, it wasn't a plan not to have any.
In my age, it would be kind of nice if there were grown children who might help me out on occasion with small tasks that I no longer allow myself or am no longer able to do. It would be fun to have them for me to dote on and do things for too.
I am playing the life's hand that has been dealt me the best that I can.
It's really important, in my opinion, to *play the hand we've been dealt; to do otherwise seems wasteful of the gift that is life. You and I are doing that I guess, and I believe we're doing a good job. Sure, there's aspect we have missed out on, however that doesn't mean our lives have been incomplete.
I understand what you're saying about having adult offspring around, I've thought the same, but we get by right?
There are not many (good) choices to choose from when deciding how to handle what life dishes out sometimes, but it is much easier to accept it and figure out how to make it as good as possible with what you get. Change what you can and work the rest of it in. Fighting it can only make you miserable. That is my theory.
A good theory, and I agree.
I really appreciate you sharing this part of your life, it's important to think and talk about it and yet it rarely gets discussed.
We all live our lives differently and that's some of the magic of life, there are so many paths to walk down.
I know you would make a great father. Xx
I agree with that; many paths, a lot of magic to be found, discovered and even created.
We all lead different lives and things happen in them that we just have to accept. Influencing life is possible, and very important, but some is outside of our control.
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It doesn't have any experience with it but I think it was a tough decision for you. I am still 25. Can you provide me with some more suggestions from your life experience in this case?
How you have written this format?